Science Jokes

[MetalPants]

Science isn't particularly known as being rife with humor, but there are opportunities. As an example, on a test I was asked to define "significant figures". After writing my definition, I also listed several actresses. My instructor gave me bonus points for my creative answer.

So what bits of humor have you found in dealing with science?

 

[sojourner]

2+2=5 in extremely large cases of 2.

A chemist, a biologist, and a physicist are all asked to determine the methane out put of a cow.

Chemist - "well first we have to look at the chemical processes involved..."
Biologist -"you can't just look at the chemistry, you have to take into consideration the environment, what are the food sources?"
Physicist - "assume a spherical cow...."

 

[infinix]

I came up with some math/science related Yo Mama insults...

-Yo Mama so big, when she jumps into a 40ft by 80ft by 6ft pool, she displaces 19,200 cubic foot of water.

-Yo Mama so heavy, when she lies down, she changes the angular momentum of the earth by 1% because she is now closer to the ground.

-Yo Mama so stupid, she thought Darwin based his book "On The Origin of Species" on his studies about primates during a mountain climbing trip in Congo.

-Yo Mama so ugly, whenever light bounces off of her face, it is refracted by an additional 24,895 distinctively different angles compared to normal people.

 

[trekkiedane]

Mathematicians are like Frenchmen: whatever you say to them, they translate it into their own language, and forthwith it means something entirely different.

Goethe​

New York (CNN): At John F. Kennedy International Airport today, a high school mathematics teacher was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a compass, a protractor and a graphical calculator. According to law enforcement officials, he is believed to have ties to the Al-Gebra network. He will be charged with carrying weapons of math instruction. It was later discovered that he taught the students to solve their problem with the help of radicals!

 

[Alpha_Geek]

Lenny was a chemist,
but Lenny is no more.
What Lenny thought was H2O
was H2SO4.

 

[B.J.]

You might be an aerospace engineer if....
....you use more TLAs* than the FBI, CIA and NSA combined.
....you simplify a wing as a plane, a plane as a line, and a line as a point, just to make the math easier.
....you're afraid to fly because you "know too much".
....you giggle anytime someone says "empennage".

* Three-Letter Acronyms

(I have a t-shirt somewhere with a lot more. I just have to find it. )

 

[Bill Morris]

There are 10 kinds of people in the world: those who understand binary and those who don't.

 

[BlobVanDam]

There are 10 kinds of people in the world: those who understand binary and those who don't.

My friend requested that as his yearbook quote, and whoever typed it up put "There are ten kinds of people in this world - those who understand binary, and those who don't".
Wonder which category they fit into?

 

[Bill Morris]

Hm.

* What's the brightest star in the sky? The Sun.
* Where's the largest, densest known smog bank? Titan.
* Where can you see equilateral right triangles? On a globe of the world.
* What are the easternmost, westernmost, northernmost, and southernmost U.S. states? Alaska, Alaska, Alaska, and Hawaii. (Why do they never ask that at presidential debates?)
* Which came first, the chicken or the egg? The egg, since dinosaurs were laying eggs long before the first chicken appeared.
* What did the Windows computer say to the LCARS computer? Ta-dah!

 

[trekkiedane]

There are 10 kinds of people in the world: those who understand binary and those who don't.

There are three types of mathematicians: those who can add and those who can't.

 

[sojourner]

* What are the easternmost, westernmost, northernmost, and southernmost U.S. states? Alaska, Alaska, Alaska, and Hawaii. (Why do they never ask that at presidential debates?)

Wouldn't westernmost and easternmost depend on the current location of the person being asked? If I was in California, Alaska would definitely not be the eastern most state. What is the frame of reference and who made it official?

 

[UssGlenn]

Alaska crosses 180 degrees longitude making it both the eastern and westernmost state

 

[sojourner]

Ah, so from a global perspective.

 

[CorporalCaptain]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mathematical_joke has one I heard in high school:

Person 1: What's the integral of one over cabin dee cabin?
Person 2: A log cabin.
Person 1: No, a houseboat – you forgot to add the cee!

I've changed the written expression to better reflect how you pronounce it aloud, without sacrificing the actual joke, I hope. I found the wiki article by googling integral cabin log cabin, which is pretty funny in and of itself.