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Ruin the Remake

RobertScorpio

RobertScorpio

Pariah
A lot of movies get remade, rebooted, a sequel comes out, whatever; try your hardest to name a cast/director for a remake/sequel to a movie that would be so bad, it might get released directly on Mystery Science Theater...it doesn't have to be a SCIF movie!!


THE LAST STARFIGHT-2012
In this epic remake, the Oslen Twins (one slutty/one nice) are avid players of the famous video game; Last Starfighter. When an alien diva arrives, played by Rosane Barr, and takes the girls into space to fight on the side of good against the evil of the universe (a CGI creature voiced by Chris Rock), the theater audience will be taken on a laugh loaded ride of fun!!

Directed by Penny Marshall
 
"In this fast-paced action-adventure story, Seth Rogan plays Kane, the lone Federal Marshall left to fight off an army of ravenous thugs. Deserted by his friends, low on ammo as night falls, Kane must rely on his wits and training to fend off the assault and survive till help arrives at... HIGH NOON. Directed by Uwe Boll."
 
Brikar99 said:
"In this fast-paced action-adventure story, Seth Rogan plays Kane, the lone Federal Marshall left to fight off an army of ravenous thugs. Deserted by his friends, low on ammo as night falls, Kane must rely on his wits and training to fend off the assault and survive till help arrives at... HIGH NOON. Directed by Uwe Boll."
Click to expand...

LOL..that was pretty good!!!

JAWS;
When a young swimmer's half eaten body is found on the local shores, only Chief Brody (Zak Ephron), shark expert matt cooper (Martin Lawrence) and tough as nails shark hunter Quint (Nathen Lane) can save the day.

Directed by Linda Hamilton (in her major motion picture directing debut)
 
Citizen Kane: A Sled Called Rosebud

Starring Ashton Kutcher, Channing Tatum and Tara Reid.
 
The Casablanca Chronicles:
An older Rick (played by Ryan Reynolds) returns after years in the Resistance, now an expert in guerrilla warfare and hand-to-hand combat (he learned Kung Fu from a Chinese Master while in a prison camp). Angry and well-armed, he comes back to round up the last of the Nazis. He is well known for his catch phrase, "Here's looking at you, kid," just before delivering the fatal blow. As a side plot, he is determined to find Ilsa (Miley Cyrus) and steal her away from the once-noble-but-now-corrupt Victor.

The Casablanca Chronicles: You Must Remember....to Die!

In 3-D.
 
RobertScorpio said:
Ummm...I LIKE THIS idea auntiehill!!!! It actually sounds cool...

Rob
Click to expand...
I'm with you. That is great.

But let's not forget the supporting cast:

Captain Louis Renaut Jr. (yup, his illegitimate son): Keanu Reeves

Ferrari: Pee Wee Herman

Sam: Wesley Snipes

Yvonne: Paris Hilton

Carl: Danny Devito

Sasha: Steven Segal
 
RobertScorpio said:
Brikar99 said:
"In this fast-paced action-adventure story, Seth Rogan plays Kane, the lone Federal Marshall left to fight off an army of ravenous thugs. Deserted by his friends, low on ammo as night falls, Kane must rely on his wits and training to fend off the assault and survive till help arrives at... HIGH NOON. Directed by Uwe Boll."
Click to expand...

LOL..that was pretty good!!!

JAWS;
When a young swimmer's half eaten body is found on the local shores, only Chief Brody (Zak Ephron), shark expert matt cooper (Martin Lawrence) and tough as nails shark hunter Quint (Nathen Lane) can save the day.

Directed by Linda Hamilton (in her major motion picture directing debut)
Click to expand...

Please for the love of all that's holy may this never come to pass.
 
I have this bizarre version of The Wizard of Oz in my head with Obama as Dorothy, Biden as Toto, Palin as the Wicked Witch...hm...superimpose Cheney's head on the flying monkeys? Hillary Clinton as Glinda?

Clearly I need sleep.
 
SCARFACE II: THE NEW KINGPIN

Lame sequel-in-name-only, starring some mainstream rapper as a common thug named Tony Baloney who works his way up the ladder to become one of the top drug lords in the dirty south. And unlike the 1983 version, this one doesn't end with Tony losing everything and getting killed, but ends on a "high note" (so to speak) with Tony beating all the "bad guys" and eventually becoming the biggest and most badass kingpin in America. The cast will be filled out with a bunch of other mainstream rappers who think they are also actors. The soundtrack would be full of auto-tune garbage like Lil Wayne, T-Pain, Soulja Boy, etc.

The movie comes out, and all the little wannabe thugs/gangstas praise the hell out of it, saying that this is what the 1983 film should have been!

When Brian DePalma, Martin Bregman and Al Pacino are asked about their thoughts on it, they angrily say "no comment!"
 
Moby Dick
----------
The whale bites off Ahab's penis.
Ahab can't fuck anymore, so he decides to stick his leg up the whale's ass in reprisal.
The whale decides to eat his leg.
Ahab commits suicide, but not before pissing on the whale out of the gaping hole in his torso.
 
pork3 said:
Moby Dick
----------
The whale bites off Ahab's penis.
Ahab can't fuck anymore, so he decides to stick his leg up the whale's ass in reprisal.
The whale decides to eat his leg.
Ahab commits suicide, but not before pissing on the whale out of the gaping hole in his torso.
Click to expand...

^^ this would win the SUNDANCE BEST PICTURE award
 
DeVario said:
SCARFACE II: THE NEW KINGPIN

Lame sequel-in-name-only, starring some mainstream rapper as a common thug named Tony Baloney who works his way up the ladder to become one of the top drug lords in the dirty south. And unlike the 1983 version, this one doesn't end with Tony losing everything and getting killed, but ends on a "high note" (so to speak) with Tony beating all the "bad guys" and eventually becoming the biggest and most badass kingpin in America. The cast will be filled out with a bunch of other mainstream rappers who think they are also actors. The soundtrack would be full of auto-tune garbage like Lil Wayne, T-Pain, Soulja Boy, etc.

The movie comes out, and all the little wannabe thugs/gangstas praise the hell out of it, saying that this is what the 1983 film should have been!

When Brian DePalma, Martin Bregman and Al Pacino are asked about their thoughts on it, they angrily say "no comment!"
Click to expand...

Sadly, I think I've already seen that film.
 
The Sound of Music...

At long last, a SOUND OF MUSIC remake...but...this time the Von trapp family are escaping the "hood" in Detroit! Starring many of today's greatest rap artists!!! With all the magic of the original movie, and a special cameo by the Jonas Brothers!!!!

Directd by McD!!!
Rated R
 
"Confessions of a Dangerous Mind." The George Clooney thriller remade as a British sex comedy, starring Robin Askwith.

"Confessions of a Shopaholic." Another adaptation of the chick-lit classic, this time remade as a British sex comedy starring Robin Askwith.

"Carry On Last Tango In Paris." :evil:
 
From visionary director Tim Burton comes a bold, twisted, purply-emo new take on Superman. Starring Nicholas Cage!

Too obvious? :p
 
Gaith said:
From visionary director Tim Burton comes a bold, twisted, purply-emo new take on Superman. Starring Nicholas Cage!

Too obvious? :p
Click to expand...

These days it seems like it would actually be Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter.
 
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