Rewite an episode.

Discussion in 'General Trek Discussion' started by flandry84, Mar 16, 2008.

  1. flandry84

    flandry84 Fleet Captain Fleet Captain

    Jun 24, 2007
    Sunshine cottage,Lollipop lane,Latveria
    Any episode ,any incarnation.Iron out any plot points that have bugged you for years,add any new "sci-fi" wrinkle you want.
    My own "retro-fix" would be in "The mark of Gideon",an oft-ignored tale with a very creepy premise.
    The whole replica Enterprise thing doesn't work for me.....much better would it be were Kirk to be locked into some Virtual-reality envoirnment while the Gideonites drained his blood.VR would seem a natural development on a planet without the possibility of privacy.
  2. Forbin

    Forbin Admiral Admiral

    Mar 15, 2001
    I said out, dammit!
    Yesterday's Enterprise - do NOT include Guinan.

    Picard is perfectly capable of figuring out what's going on without her silly "tell me doctor" seventh sense.

    Tasha is perfectly capable of the nobility and sacrifice of going back with the C without Guinan's "you don't belong here" spookiness.

    And a battleship deep in enemy territory in the midst of a 20-year war has no business having a civilian "bartender" handing out food rations.

    I think Guinan's presence detracts from Picard's intelligence and Tasha's bravery, and the ep would play much better if we see those two realize what they have to do independent of being TOLD what they have to do.
  3. Cronos6939

    Cronos6939 Captain Captain

    Sep 27, 2004
    Universe's comfiest couch
    A buddy and I always talked about rewriting episodes for other series (i.e., how would things go if Picard was lost on Gideon, or what happens if Kirk or Sisko were dealing with Duras.
  4. bullethead

    bullethead Fleet Captain Fleet Captain

    Feb 24, 2008
    For In a Mirror, Darkly, I would have had Archer be more of a calculating sociopath who manipulates people to get what he wants. And he wouldn't trust Hoshi.
  5. TigerOfDarkness

    TigerOfDarkness Fleet Captain Fleet Captain

    Mar 2, 2005
    I'd change The Voyager Conspiracy, so that Seven was right and Voyager had been deliberately sent to the Delta Quadrent for some secret starfleet mission.
  6. Yeffrey

    Yeffrey Lieutenant Junior Grade

    Jan 27, 2008
    Calgary, Alberta, Canada

    Then that would be the only Voyager episode worth watching :lol:

    HRHTheKING Fleet Captain Fleet Captain

    Feb 19, 2007
    Royal Estates
    The First Duty" with Tom Paris instead of Nick Locarno

    The Enterprise is in orbit of Earth where Picard intends to give the commencement speech at Starfleet Academy's graduation ceremony. It will also be a good opportunity to speak to Cadet Wesley Crusher on his progress. However, he then gets a message from Commandant Chang, the Academy superintendent; an accident has taken place with Blue Squadron, an elite cadet flight team, resulting in the death of one member. This stuns Picard, as Wesley is on that squadron.

    Picard approaches Beverley and informs her what happened. She is notably concerned about her son; however, Picard attempts to comfort her and tells her that Wesley is fine. They beam down to Earth and they arrive to hear that Chang is pursuing a formal investigation of the accident, where Cadet Adam Martoni was killed in a collision during a flight. Adam's father, a civilian doctor is consulted, and requests that commencement ceremonies go forward despite plans to cancel them due to the tragedy. After all, there are still duties to perform and life must go on

    Picard and Dr. Crusher go to Wesley's quarters. Picard attempts to talk to Wesley about what happened during the accident, but he refuses, saying that he has gone over it too many times over the past two days. Their reunion is interrupted by the leader of the team, Tom Paris, who says that he was there to check on Wesley. Paris says that he feels horrible that he has lost a member of his team. Picard says that unfortunately, it never gets easier. Wesley then asks Picard and Crusher to leave, saying that he has to talk to Paris about some things. After Picard and Crusher leave, Paris tells Wesley not to worry about the inquiry and everything will be fine.

    Captain Picard walks through the quad of Starfleet Academy and finds Boothby the Academy groundskeeper. He catches up with him and reminisces about his days in the Academy. Meanwhile, Paris gives a pep talk to his team before entering the room for the board of inquiry investigating the accident. During his deposition, Paris says that while performing a maneuver the crash occurred when one of the vessels touched another. They all had less than a few seconds to activate their transporters and beam down to Mimas. Unfortunately Martoni didn't make it. Commandant Chang asks the team navigator, Cadet Mordock, a Benzite, if they had changed their flight plan after filing it with Starfleet. When the navigator gives a cryptic response of "it was still within flight safety limits," Commandant Chang becomes angry, stating that Mordock did not answer his question. He then says yes, they did change their flight plan. Captain Solok, a Vulcan, asks Cadet Sito Jaxa, a meek Bajoran cadet, who was flying in the rear of the formation and thus had the best vantage point of the crash, if she saw either the collision itself or any indication beforehand that Martoni was having problems. She says that she didn't see him because she was flying on sensors alone, which is extremely unusual for the maneuvers listed in the team's testimony. After being continually probed by Commandant Chang and Captain Solok, Paris helps out Mordock and Sito by blaming the accident on Cadet Martoni. Paris says that Adam crashed into Cadet Mordock when he panicked while performing the Yeager loop maneuver near Titan, Saturn's largest moon. Commandant Chang says that he is disturbed over what has happened. He says that Blue Squadron has displayed a large degree of misjudgment and he is dismayed that the team did not release the information on Adam's jitteriness on flying before the accident. Chang says that the first data from Wesley Crusher's flight recorder would be available that evening. Pending the results, the board of inquiry will be in recess and will reconvene tomorrow. Cadet Martoni's father is visibly dismayed over what the team has said about his son. Paris tells Wesley Crusher quietly that there's nothing to worry about and to trust him.

    Captain Picard asks La Forge and Data to make their own independent investigation into the crash. La Forge is unsure what they will find outside of the Academy investigation, as they have the most sophisticated accident reconstruction simulation equipment available.

    Meanwhile, back on Earth, the squad meets together to get their stories straight on the next round of questioning in the board of inquiry. Wesley and the rest of the team are angry that they lied to the board of inquiry; however, Paris insists that it is now time to save their own skin and it?s hardest for him since he had known Martoni for much longer than the others. Wesley argues that Adam was always uncertain about whether it was wise to perform such a dangerous flight maneuver. When Paris asks the team if it truly was Cadet Martoni's fault, the team reluctantly agrees to that line essentially committing to the lie. Paris then starts to brief Wesley on his flight recorder data that was highly damaged during the accident and only covers the time before the crash. Wesley doesn't believe he can lie to the board and Sito and Mordock seem to be in agreement, but Paris convinces them not to volunteer any additional information. The team members silently agree.

    The next day, Wesley begins his deposition, following along with the video account of the crash from his flight recorder. After his flight recorder shorts out, he gives a narrative of his version of the events. When Chang asks if he has anything to add, he says no. Captain Solok suspiciously asks Wesley to describe a Yeager loop. The Captain asks Wesley if Blue Squadron had ever gone out of formation after completing the Yeager loop. Wesley says no. Commandant Chang asks if he is absolutely sure about that. He says he is. Captain Solok then confronts Wesley with the image from a satellite orbiting Saturn that shows their squadron's ships in a different formation while they were in the satellite's field of view, approximately seven seconds before the accident. When Chang asks what Wesley's explanation is for this, he has none.

    Doctor Crusher comforts Wesley in his quarters and assures him that the Enterprise is going to find out what has happened. She thinks it is strange that the satellite view makes it look like he is lying when she knows he is not. As a result, Doctor Crusher and the other parents got together and decide that they want to delay the inquiry. Wesley is shocked and tells his mother to stay out of the inquiry and not to protect him.

    Picard has another talk with Boothby, asking him to tell him more about Blue Squadron. Boothby says that after Blue Squadron won the Rigel Cup, a renowned team flight competition, the other students treated them like they were gods, and that was a difficult thing to live up to. He mentions how Paris is the son of a prominent Starfleet admiral, and always seemed to be intent on stepping out of his father's shadow. Picard asks whether Admiral Paris has attempted to get involved in this case. Boothby says no, and he feels that the Admiral's marginalisation of his son has contributed to Paris' attitude and ambition. Boothby also says that this accident came as a surprise since Paris was widely regarded as being the best cadet pilot at the Academy. The rumour going around the campus is that Paris was lined up for a position as CONN officer aboard the Enterprise's sister ship, the USS Discovery.

    Boothby also mentions that Blue Squadron would do anything for the team leader, Paris, even if it meant "going off a cliff." Captain Picard returns to the Enterprise and asks if La Forge and Data have come up with anything in their investigation. They say no, stating that there are too many variables to determine exactly what happened; however, one item of note was that Wesley's plasma interlock was open when it is supposed to be closed during flight. It is extremely dangerous, as the interlock may ignite the drive plasma. Given this information and the imagery shown from the satellite, Picard knows what Blue Squadron was trying to do that caused the accident.

    Captain Picard invites Wesley and Paris to his ready room on the Enterprise. Picard asks them to watch and identify a Kolvoord Starburst on his display. Paris says that the maneuver hasn't been performed at the Academy for 100 years because it had been banned after all five cadets who attempted the maneuver died after an accident. Captain Picard says that he thinks that Paris wanted to end his Academy days in a blaze of glory, writing his name into Academy legend and manipulated the team to perform the maneuver. He asks Wesley if he is correct. Wesley chooses not to answer. Picard asks Paris to comment, but Paris says nothing. Picard says that he they have already answered the question at the board of inquiry, a lie. Wesley says that he has told the truth; however, Picard tells him that he has told a partial truth, leaving out important details, which in his opinion is still a lie. Captain Picard says that he had never questioned Wesley's sense of honour and honesty until now. Picard asks Paris about Martoni, asking if he wants a friend to be remembered as someone who panicked and died. He asks how Admiral Paris would feel about this, and more important how the dead Cadet's father has to live with the idea that his son essentially caused his own death. Neither Cadet can look Picard in the eye. Angrily, Picard says that he will make things very easy for them both, either they tell Commandant Chang the truth about what happened or Picard will. Wesley and Paris remains silent and is are dismissed by Picard.

    Back on Earth, Paris and Wesley discuss what occurred on the Enterprise. Paris says that Picard has no hard evidence of what has happened and that it will be okay, they simply have to dispute Picard's account. Wesley says he can't call Picard a liar and decides to tell Chang what has happened. Paris becomes angry because Wesley has made the decision alone to turn them in. Paris informs Wesley of the duty to his friends. Wesley argues that Picard has done a lot for him over the years. Paris retorts and argues that Wesley's father died under Picard's command. Paris theorises that Picard helped Wesley merely out of guilt for Jack Crusher. Wesley counters and claims that Paris was trying to be a hero, simply to set himself apart from his own father, and by doing so, they lost a friend and are about to destroy his reputation and deny his father any peace of mind. Both then ponder each other's words

    Later, while walking around the grounds, Paris considers all that has transpired. Paris meets Cadet Martoni's father. His father brings Paris something from Adam's quarters that belongs to him. Paris identifies it as a memento from a trip to Marseille, in Southern France. They reminisce on Cadet Martoni, how he was always good humoured and a notorious practical joker and how he never gave up on anything. Cadet Martoni had a lot of respect for Paris. Adam's father admits that he knows that it was his son's fault and apologizes for letting the team down. Paris looks deeply hurt.

    At the board of inquiry, Commandant Chang tells Blue Squadron that the disputing testimony of the satellite and their accounts are troubling; however, he must close the investigation because he has no hard evidence proving that either they have lied or that the data from the satellite is faulty. Commandant Chang issues his judgment, he revokes Blue Squadron's flight privileges and issues a formal reprimand to the cadets' permanent records. He then closes the investigation with the ringing of a bell.

    Wesley looks at Paris and is about to rise and speak when Paris stands up first, placing his hand on Wesley's shoulder, implying that he is to remain seated and silent. Paris then says he has something to add. The Commandant lets Paris proceed and admit the truth. Paris says that Adam died because he pressured him into executing the Kolvoord Starburst, a maneuver that Martoni admitted he wasn't ready for. Commandant Chang asks if the other members of the team have anything to say. Paris says that they were following his orders. He addresses Martoni's father and says that his son was not at fault for the accident and he deeply regrets his actions in pressurising Adam to do a stunt he had misgivings over and offers an apology for blaming Adam. He wishes to take full responsibility for the accident and the subsequent cover-up. Commandant Chang nods and declares that further proceedings will take place.

    The inquiry concludes and Wesley is sitting on the grounds of the Academy. Captain Picard arrives and informs Wesley that Paris faces a court martial for his negligence, a charge for which he will likely be imprisoned for several years in New Zealand. Wesley thinks they all should have been held to account, and Picard agrees, but Picard tells him that because Paris took full responsibility for the accident and pleaded for Starfleet to show leniency towards the remaining team members, they were less hard on Mordock, Sito and Wesley that they could have been. Picard then informs Wesley of additional consequences Commandant Chang handed down. He decided that the reprimand will remain on the records of Mordock, Sito and Wesley and all of them will be held back a year. In response, Mordock decided to resign from Starfleet, Sito has decided to stay, but Wesley is undecided at the moment. Captain Picard says that there will be difficult times ahead for Wesley if he decides to stay, as will be the case for Sito too. Picard tells Wesley that he had hoped Wesley would stand up and tell the truth. Wesley says that he intended to, had Paris not done so first. Wesley tells Picard that deep down Paris is an honourable person who admittedly made a terrible mistake and expresses a hope that Paris will eventually get chance to redeem himself and Picard agrees. Wesley thanks Picard for his help. Picard says that Wesley knew the right thing to do; Picard just pushed him in the right direction. The two then bid a farewell to each other.

    The END
  8. Scatter

    Scatter Captain Captain

    Mar 16, 2005
    that would fundamentally shift voyager to potentially interesting. can't have that. :thumbsup:

    though i'll stick with a voyager ep for a rewrite - tsunkatse. if seven kills the hirogen just before they beam out, then everything she said at the end to tuvok - hell, the entire episode - would have had some resonance (it would have been forgotten by the next week, but it would have made that one ep better).
  9. JiNX-01

    JiNX-01 Admiral Admiral

    Dec 29, 2002
    Broken Bow

    1. Instead of a pointless scene between Little Jonny Archer and his father where they talk about the Vulcans holding humanity back, we actually get a scene where Jonathan sees Soval pressuring his father to do "one more test" before proceeding on the Warp 5 engine.
    2. Include a flashback to Henry Archer's death scene. Young Jonathan is at his side and after his father is gone, he goes to his father's study. Schematic drawings, pages and pages of equations, are tacked up on bulletin boards, stacked on his desk, a conference table, his father's unfinished work all around him. Soval arrives to pay his respects and Jonathan attacks him, blames him for keeping his father from realizing his dream.
    3. T'Pol is being drawn into V'Las' circle. Her mother, a Syrrannite, wants to get her daughter away from him before she is corrupted. She contacts Soval asking him to get her assigned to his mission on Earth.
    5. The injured alien at Starfleet Medical is Sarin. V'Las wants his people to return her to the cabal (where she will be killed). Archer insists that the humans take charge of her and he offers to take her where she wants to go.
    6. When Starfleet turns Sarin over to Archer, Soval realizes this would be his opportunity to remove T'Pol from V'Las' influence and recommends she be assigned to "assist" the humans. V'Las, thinking she is one of "his" people, agrees.
    7. Silik will eventually get to Sarin and mortally wound her. She gives Archer an encrypted message to be delivered in person to Soval and tells Archer he is a Vulcan with integrity and a true friend to the humans. Archer has his own ideas about that but he takes care to keep the message safe.
    8. Soval persuades Adm. Forrest to leave T'Pol on Enterprise. Neither she nor Archer (and the rest of the human crew) is pleased with this arrangement.
    9. Dr. John Phlox is a human with a couple of years of experience in the interspecies medical exchange. He will not be Super!Doctor! who can cure and fix everything.
    10. Mayweather is not a kid. He's closer to Archer's age and is given to hard drinking, rowdiness and he's enjoys a good old-fashioned bar brawl. But he knows his stuff and becomes an adviser Archer learns to trust. He will also learn that T'Pol can be trusted but as we will see, it will take more than a few weeks or months.
  10. Temis the Vorta

    Temis the Vorta Fleet Admiral Admiral

    Oct 30, 1999
    I'd rewrite DS9's "Rapture" but not to add a sci fi element - I'd change it to send the series in a new direction (not entirely, just Sisko's story) so that Starfleet doesn't simply take his word for it that they should follow the advice of the wormhole aliens and not push Bajor to join the Federation (why would Starfleet be so trusting, anyway? as far as they know, the wormhole aliens could be Dominion allies). They should put their foot down and tell Sisko that they've been patient with all this "Emissary" nonsense for the sake of diplomacy but now it's time to come back to the reservation. They know war is coming and they need Bajor in the Federation because of its key strategic location. But Sisko wouldn't have budged, so neither would the Bajorans.

    That would be the point where Sisko has to choose between his religious destiny and his indentity as an officer of the atheistic Federation. He chooses the former, and it would lead to conflict, except that Dukat's alliance with the Dominion happens conveniently soon afterwards, and they lose DS9 not too long after that, so it makes sense if everything gets put on hold till that crisis is averted. It comes back after "Sacrifice of Angels" and becomes part of the final season conflict between Dukat and Sisko (and that conflict could be altered for the better, too, but now I've gone beyond the scope of the original question.)

    That would strike me as a desperation measure - having Starfleet and Maquis enemies cast to the far side of the galaxy and left to survive by their wits is a great premise, they can't do anything with that?!? :lol: But if they really can't, then I guess some conspiracy plotline is an acceptable alternative.

    But what guarantee would we have that they wouldn't just frak that up too?

    I'm changing my answer. I'd rewrite the whole ENT premiere and therefore the series.
    Last edited: Mar 17, 2008
  11. James Pike

    James Pike Lieutenant Red Shirt

    Feb 24, 2006
    I'd re-write all of Enterprise to remove all time travel crap and Malcom Reed would be replaced completely.
  12. Forbin

    Forbin Admiral Admiral

    Mar 15, 2001
    I said out, dammit!
    "The 37s"

    The Japanese officer was far too friendly. In 1937 the Japanese Army was raping young Chinese women with abandon, bombing villages, and impaling the old women on stakes by their vaginas.

    This guy should have come out of stasis shotting, swinging his sword and trying to kill all the round-eyes in the room. Stun him, stcik him back in the chamber, and procede with the Amelia Earhart plot.

    Also, at least 5% of the crew should have chosen to stay behind. It was childishly unrealistic for them all to be so gung ho.
  13. flandry84

    flandry84 Fleet Captain Fleet Captain

    Jun 24, 2007
    Sunshine cottage,Lollipop lane,Latveria
    If I may,the DS9 2-parter,Homefront/Paradise lost.
    There's a good story here trying to get out,these episodes have always bugged the hell out of me.
    I'd insert at least one Admiral/fed offical who knows what Leyton&co. are up to.The whole coup just seems so...understated and even sedate.
    Ditch the entire restaraunt sidestory(I know what the scenes were intended to convey...but for me they don't work at all).
    Some more top-level political stuff( do we ever get to see fed government in action?) this is the future of the federation that is at stake!
    Some input from Starfleet security/intelligence would have been nice (even section31...and yes I know the continuity problems)