QUOTES of the not-so-famous kind.

[trekkiedane]

I'm currently watching Monarch of the Glen (which is witty British drama)

In the third series there is an episode where one of the primary (comic) characters (Hector MacDonald) isn't present (Episode 7) -Fearing it was due to death of the actor (Richard Briers) and that there would be no more episodes with one of my favourite characters of the series I looked him up on IMDb. Apparently he's still very much alive, and @ 76 has a few things to say about how the world is today:

I'm pleased to tell you I belong to a rather elite club with a dwindling membership: I'm one of the few people in Britain who doesn't have a mobile phone. I don't possess one because I'm anti-progress and very reactionary. I'm also 75, bad-tempered and I don't want to talk to anyone that much.

I am irrevocably and unashamedly old-fashioned. I subscribe to The Oldie magazine - written expressly for the grumpy elderly - and I relish a good whinge.

And; last, not least:

Do I need or desire an iPod? Of course not! I'm afraid I won't live long enough to find time to listen to the 10,000 tunes you're supposed to be able to store on them.

I'm sure other members here have come upon things said (or written) that aren't considered 'classic quotations' but are well worth to share -please do so in this thread

 

[RJDiogenes]

"If I were not Alexander, I would be Diogenes."

- Alexander The Great.

 

[trampledamage]

Don't have any quotes to hand, but it's great to hear Richard Briers is still doing well! He's one of my favourite actors.

 

[captcalhoun]

talking of Briers...

Nicholas Parsons the old UK TV host was chatting with young hip comedian Ross Noble back-stage at a TV panel show. Noble was saying about his comedy hero, Richard Pryor. "Such a terrible life," Noble says. "Brought up in a brothel, drug addictions, lit himself on fire while off his face on crack cocaine... horrendous."
Parsons agrees, before wandering over to another older TV personality.

Where upon he says, "Have you heard the terrible news about Richard Briers?"

 

[ares93]

Not exactly famous but something my friend told me a few years ago on the phone. "No, of course I'm not driving fast." seconds before before he gently put his car against a tree in 90mph.

 

[JonathonWally]

In the immortal words of Freak Nasty:

I put my hand up on your hip when I dip you dip we dip

 

[Amaris]

A quote I used years ago when discussing religion with a friend:

Me: If someone with a blood sugar disease suffers from Diabetes, does someone who practices Scientology suffer from Dianetes?

I stumped him on that one.

 

[ITL]

A quote I used years ago when discussing religion with a friend:

Me: If someone with a blood sugar disease suffers from Diabetes, does someone who practices Scientology suffer from Dianetes?

I stumped him on that one.

I'd have:

a) rolled my eyes and called you a clever-arse.
b) Done the Kif-esque weary sigh and facepalm.

CHOOSE NOW!

 

[Amaris]

A quote I used years ago when discussing religion with a friend:

Me: If someone with a blood sugar disease suffers from Diabetes, does someone who practices Scientology suffer from Dianetes?

I stumped him on that one.

I'd have:

a) rolled my eyes and called you a clever-arse.
b) Done the Kif-esque weary sigh and facepalm.

CHOOSE NOW!

I'll take what's in the box!
Actually, I stumped him because the conversation was completely serious right up until that moment, and I just caught him off guard.

 

[captcalhoun]

i don't get it

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

^ think it's a reference to "Dianetics" (from Scientology)

Speaking of Scientology quotes, here's a rather telling one. From LRH himself:

Writing for a penny a word is ridiculous. If a man really wants to make a million dollars, the best way would be to start his own religion.

 

[RJDiogenes]

b) Done the Kif-esque weary sigh and facepalm.

I've taken to doing that quite a bit.

 

[Mistral]

I always admired Robert Heinlein's bits of pithy wisdom.

When the ship leaves, all debts are paid.

A committee is the only known organism with ten stomachs and no brain.

An elephant is a mouse built to government specifications.

and his take on boastfulness:

A poet who reads his work in public may have other nasty habits.

 

[trekkiedane]

^Those are great, especially the last one

 

[Mistral]

^Those are great, especially the last one

Thank you. Check out his (short) book

The Notebook of Lazarus Long

for those and more.

 

[thestrangequark]

Thanks for this thread, it prompted me to engage in one of my favorite activities, and one I've not done in a long time: When I read a book it is not a passive pursuit! My books are all dogeared, paragraphs, sentences, and sometimes single words underlined, with post-it notes sticking out at all manner of odd angles containing my scribbled thoughts. Every once in a while I go through a few, and reread those portions I really enjoyed, or that really made me think. This thread inspired me to do that again.

The first book I grabbed was The Tsurezuregusa of Kenko, a collection of essays written by the Buddhist monk Kenko between the years AD1330-1332. Here is one of the many in my copy that has my little purple star by it:

You should never put the new antlers of a deer to your nose and smell them. They have little insects that crawl into the nose and devour the brain.

 

[auntiehill]

"The English language is like a brick wall between me and you....and 'FUCK' is my chisel." --Tommy Tiernan

"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly past." --Douglas Adams

"When the sword is once drawn, the passions of men observe no bounds of moderation."---Alexander Hamilton

"When did I realize I was God? When I was praying, and I discovered I was talking to myself." --Peter O'Toole

"However proud we may be, good and bad alike are crushed under the same wheel called warfare." --Anthony Bourdain

"Speeding never killed anyone. It's the suddenly becoming stationary that gets you." --Jeremy Clarkson

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

All the Ferengi Rules of Acquisition. My favorite is one that Quark may have possibly made up:

"When Morn leaves, it's all over."

 

[captcalhoun]

"Teamwork is essential. It gives them more targets to shoot at."

 

[scotpens]

You should never put the new antlers of a deer to your nose and smell them. They have little insects that crawl into the nose and devour the brain.

Isn't that like telling kids NOT to put beans in their ears?

Some of comedian Rita Rudner's one-liners:

“Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love. I'd stepped in it a few times.”

“I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to take care of them.”

“I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.”

“Whenever I date a guy, I think, 'Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?'”

“In Hollywood, a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.”

“I don't plan to grow old gracefully; I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet.”


And this reputed exchange between Lady Astor and Winston Churchill:

Lady Astor: “Mr. Churchill, you are very drunk.” Churchill: “Madam, you are very ugly. But tomorrow morning, I will be sober.”