In the early part of last month, my father passed away, after many years of very poor health. He had declined rapidly in the last few months, so I had been expecting the call and had mentally rehearsed for the moment. Granted, my father and I did not have a very pleasant relationship, so the level of loss I felt was somewhat less than other members of my family, and due to Alzheimer's, the person he was ceased to be a long time ago. My mother had been married him to him for nearly 64 years; even though his death wasn't a surprise, it was naturally still very difficult for her.
My oldest sister posted on social media of her great loss, how tragic it was for her, and how greatly she was suffering. She received hundreds of replies, offering support, condolences and sympathy. They were all addressed to her, expressed concern for her grief and how much her online friends loved her. My sister forwarded all of these--literally hundreds--to my mother for her to read. However, none of these people knew my parents at all. All they knew of my father was the obituary we posted in the paper; my sister had put the link on her social media pages.
This entire "spectacle" struck me as very...odd. My mother read some of them in silence and then asked if I wanted to see them. I said no, so she deleted them. Why would I want to see them? More importantly, why would my mother? This wasn't about my father, and it certainly wasn't about my mom. This was all about my sister being comforted by people online, most of who she either barely knew or never met face to face. My sister, the consummate narcissist, had made my father's passing entirely about her. I could only shake my head and walk away.
Now, a little over a month later, there has been a brutal murder of a police officer, and the city is reeling from this random act of violence. However, in the last week, a church has organized marathon walks to prove how their church is praying for the family, with their sacrifice of these miles-long walks. I know this because the church has invited the press to cover their activities, to show the members praying or walking several miles, for the family of the slain officer. Yet this is not the family's church, nor is this church raising funds for the family or the police. Meanwhile, groups have flocked to the scene of the crime to have huge vigils and sit-ins, particularly while the news crews are there, so they can all "offer their support and pray." Yet I doubt any of these people knew the officer, his family or his fellow officers. None of them are going to the funeral today or raising funds for them.
Putting my general disdain for religion aside (with great difficulty), I find myself really put off by all this public spectacle. I can understand how, in times of great crisis, people come together to find community and comfort, but when does "comfort seeking" become nothing more than selfish people trying to insert themselves into some event that has nothing whatsoever to do with them? I have the distinct impression that these massive prayer vigils and "mass grieving exercises" wouldn't even exist if it weren't for the news media's constant need for footage, for something to cover, as nothing new has developed in the story.
Back at my parent's house, my mother and I sat quietly while my sister went into full-blown hysterics, demanding to be comforted while she simultaneously collected all of my father's watches. "Oh my God, I can't deal with all this pain! I'll never hear his voice again!" *sniffle* "You don't mind if I take these, do you?"
When I look at all of these massive displays of public grief over a single, random incident--however tragic it might be--I feel like I'm watching hundreds of clones of my sister, demanding attention, wanting to make themselves feel bigger because they have connected themselves to something, inserted themselves into a tragedy in which they truly play no part whatsoever. This may make me seem cold or unfeeling but I find it terribly distasteful, self-centered and a little creepy.
Does anyone else feel this way? Is this a fairly American behavior or a simple fact of our times? Or perhaps I am simply too jaded from my own experiences.
*sorry for the long post
My oldest sister posted on social media of her great loss, how tragic it was for her, and how greatly she was suffering. She received hundreds of replies, offering support, condolences and sympathy. They were all addressed to her, expressed concern for her grief and how much her online friends loved her. My sister forwarded all of these--literally hundreds--to my mother for her to read. However, none of these people knew my parents at all. All they knew of my father was the obituary we posted in the paper; my sister had put the link on her social media pages.
This entire "spectacle" struck me as very...odd. My mother read some of them in silence and then asked if I wanted to see them. I said no, so she deleted them. Why would I want to see them? More importantly, why would my mother? This wasn't about my father, and it certainly wasn't about my mom. This was all about my sister being comforted by people online, most of who she either barely knew or never met face to face. My sister, the consummate narcissist, had made my father's passing entirely about her. I could only shake my head and walk away.
Now, a little over a month later, there has been a brutal murder of a police officer, and the city is reeling from this random act of violence. However, in the last week, a church has organized marathon walks to prove how their church is praying for the family, with their sacrifice of these miles-long walks. I know this because the church has invited the press to cover their activities, to show the members praying or walking several miles, for the family of the slain officer. Yet this is not the family's church, nor is this church raising funds for the family or the police. Meanwhile, groups have flocked to the scene of the crime to have huge vigils and sit-ins, particularly while the news crews are there, so they can all "offer their support and pray." Yet I doubt any of these people knew the officer, his family or his fellow officers. None of them are going to the funeral today or raising funds for them.
Putting my general disdain for religion aside (with great difficulty), I find myself really put off by all this public spectacle. I can understand how, in times of great crisis, people come together to find community and comfort, but when does "comfort seeking" become nothing more than selfish people trying to insert themselves into some event that has nothing whatsoever to do with them? I have the distinct impression that these massive prayer vigils and "mass grieving exercises" wouldn't even exist if it weren't for the news media's constant need for footage, for something to cover, as nothing new has developed in the story.
Back at my parent's house, my mother and I sat quietly while my sister went into full-blown hysterics, demanding to be comforted while she simultaneously collected all of my father's watches. "Oh my God, I can't deal with all this pain! I'll never hear his voice again!" *sniffle* "You don't mind if I take these, do you?"
When I look at all of these massive displays of public grief over a single, random incident--however tragic it might be--I feel like I'm watching hundreds of clones of my sister, demanding attention, wanting to make themselves feel bigger because they have connected themselves to something, inserted themselves into a tragedy in which they truly play no part whatsoever. This may make me seem cold or unfeeling but I find it terribly distasteful, self-centered and a little creepy.
Does anyone else feel this way? Is this a fairly American behavior or a simple fact of our times? Or perhaps I am simply too jaded from my own experiences.
*sorry for the long post
