I have had peers joke about it/taking advantage of more naive peers, it upsets me.
Public Display of Affection in schools
- Thread starter TrickyDickie
- Start date
I have had peers joke about it/taking advantage of more naive peers, it upsets me.
Yes, his personal experience is obviously completely unrealistic.
Seriously, if witnessing PDAs makes you uncomfortable, that is your problem. Or it should be.
Besides, school is for learning, but not just in the academic sense. It is also supposed to prepare kids for living as part of a society, to be social with other people, and that includes getting to like others, and showing that. To deny them that will turn them into anti-social beings who can draw more affection from digital than physical contact.
See above. Also, you can show affection at work. Not unwelcome affection, obviously, but other than that ... Well, maybe not in all workplaces, but that's because some workplaces are shit.
And whereever you work, when you're on break, you certainly are allowed to show affection to somebody else (consenting, obviously), so how would showing affection in the hallways of a school be so different?
And remember, the PDAs that are discussed here aren't snogging and making out, but stuff like hugging and holding hands. Even kindergarten kids should be allowed that much.
A
Amaris
Guest
Why would you consider the recounting of my experiences in high school, and the thoughts expressed outwardly from that, to be "total" BS?
Lucky for some of you I don't run a school. I just don't agree with the pro PDA in school and apparently work as most of you. 
@Coloratura I am sorry, I just don't agree or have the same experience as you.
@Coloratura I am sorry, I just don't agree or have the same experience as you.
A
Amaris
Guest
Well it's fine if you disagree, but your answer was that my response was total bullshit. That's not disagreement, that's outright denying the validity of my experiences. The little experiences is what solidifies our humanity in so many ways: a simple touch, a kind word, the knowledge that we are not truly alone, even in a world filled with billions of people who seem to be growing apart more and more by the day. These practices in school only drive that wedge deeper. It is absolutely vital a child receive as much experience in that school while they can, because the real world out here works damned hard to curtail it in every way it can, and starts denying even the most basic of human rights to people who have done nothing to deserve such censorship.Lucky for some of you I don't run a school. I just don't agree with the pro PDA in school and apparently work as most of you.
@Coloratura I am sorry, I just don't agree or have the same experience as you.
This issue in that school, and in many other schools that disallow even the most harmless of PDsA, mirrors the efforts of the world at large to quiet that internal human need to reach out to others. The world is cold, and cruel, and people can be so aloof and stubborn, putting up walls between their hearts, their communities, and the Other. If a simple touch, a peck on the cheek, a smile and a caress of one's shoulder or hand can ameliorate that despair, can close the distance between human hearts, then I am all for it, and will fight most vociferously for it to be allowed on that level.
Well no one ever wanted to hug me or kiss me or even shake my hand so I am bitter. My bad.
A
Amaris
Guest
Then you should be in favor of allowing such things to happen in school, so that another person does not have to endure what you have had to endure.
It's interesting how far removed that teachers and administrators in a lot of schools are from students. Many are just so unaware and unobservant of what's going on right under their noses. Not true in all cases, and a lot can be effectively hidden, but some of those adults do need to be more dedicated.
As we have seen across the country, bullying remains a big problem.
I will relate something curious from my own experiences that ties in here.
I had problems with dandruff and then acne, wasn't skilled at sports, and I had work to do at home on 6 acres that my father could do less and less because of Diabetes, age, etc. I didn't do the after-school activities and socializing. So, I was looked at as a bit of an outcast, got the verbal abuse, and so on. The afore-mentioned girlfriend and I simply drifted apart after the first grade was over. I didn't click with anyone else in my remaining school years.
There were a certain number of girls who, to one degree or another, were evidently trying to 'fit in'. Outwardly, when among their peers, they did not treat me well. The curious thing was, in a darkened auditorium they would hold hands with me. Always their initiative, not mine. That's all they would do. They would not say a word. It was not just one. There were at least five or six girls who did that. By some point in high school, it just seemed to fade away. No more hand-holding in the dark, but at the same time there was more maturity and more respect for me as a person. Talk about conflicting messages being sent.
My wife and I wish we could have gone to school together. Neither one of us worried about the opinions of our 'peers' or treated anyone one way in public and a different way in private. We both did our own thing and couldn't care less about trying to 'fit in' with any particular crowd. Glass houses and hypocrisy and all that is just a boring drag.
Adults in school never knew a thing about what happened in the darkened auditorium. I never mentioned it to anyone. I never heard any other guys speak about it happening to them, but others like me who were also not braggarts would likely have not been any more inclined to say anything than I was. It was not an unpleasant experience.....to feel a small measure of human warmth from members of the opposite sex.....but not having any idea what was going through the minds of the ones who did it made it seem just a bit odd.
As we have seen across the country, bullying remains a big problem.
I will relate something curious from my own experiences that ties in here.
I had problems with dandruff and then acne, wasn't skilled at sports, and I had work to do at home on 6 acres that my father could do less and less because of Diabetes, age, etc. I didn't do the after-school activities and socializing. So, I was looked at as a bit of an outcast, got the verbal abuse, and so on. The afore-mentioned girlfriend and I simply drifted apart after the first grade was over. I didn't click with anyone else in my remaining school years.
There were a certain number of girls who, to one degree or another, were evidently trying to 'fit in'. Outwardly, when among their peers, they did not treat me well. The curious thing was, in a darkened auditorium they would hold hands with me. Always their initiative, not mine. That's all they would do. They would not say a word. It was not just one. There were at least five or six girls who did that. By some point in high school, it just seemed to fade away. No more hand-holding in the dark, but at the same time there was more maturity and more respect for me as a person. Talk about conflicting messages being sent.
My wife and I wish we could have gone to school together. Neither one of us worried about the opinions of our 'peers' or treated anyone one way in public and a different way in private. We both did our own thing and couldn't care less about trying to 'fit in' with any particular crowd. Glass houses and hypocrisy and all that is just a boring drag.
Adults in school never knew a thing about what happened in the darkened auditorium. I never mentioned it to anyone. I never heard any other guys speak about it happening to them, but others like me who were also not braggarts would likely have not been any more inclined to say anything than I was. It was not an unpleasant experience.....to feel a small measure of human warmth from members of the opposite sex.....but not having any idea what was going through the minds of the ones who did it made it seem just a bit odd.
A
Amaris
Guest
That is an interesting story, and while mine is a bit different, I too had difficulty with the acne, and the dandruff, and wearing glasses, and being nerdy. I was nice to people, though, and that was what was drawing people in. There were many people who would mock me, treat me like garbage, and generally do whatever they could to make my day unpleasant, but then I had a close circle of friends who would sit with me at lunch, and would talk to me. We were kind to one another, we were polite, we would joke with each other, and sometimes one or two of the girls in the group would hold my hand, or touch my shoulder. They would hug me, and once in a great great while I would get a little kiss on the cheek for helping them with one problem or another. That is the closest I have ever been with anyone my entire life.It's interesting how far removed that teachers and administrators in a lot of schools are from students. Many are just so unaware and unobservant of what's going on right under there noses. Not true in all cases, and a lot can be effectively hidden, but some of those adults do need to be more dedicated.
As we have seen across the country, bullying remains a big problem.
I will relate something curious from my own experiences that ties in here.
I had problems with dandruff and then acne, wasn't skilled at sports, and I had work to do at home on 6 acres that my father could do less and less because of Diabetes, age, etc. I didn't do the after-school activities and socializing. So, I was looked at as a bit of an outcast, got the verbal abuse, and so on. The afore-mentioned girlfriend and I simply drifted apart after the first grade was over. I didn't click with anyone else in my remaining school years.
There were a certain number of girls who, to one degree or another, were evidently trying to 'fit in'. Outwardly, when among their peers, they did not treat me well. The curious thing was, in a darkened auditorium they would hold hands with me. Always their initiative, not mine. That's all they would do. They would not say a word. It was not just one. There were at least five or six girls who did that. By some point in high school, it just seemed to fade away. No more hand-holding in the dark, but at the same time there was more maturity and more respect for me as a person. Talk about conflicting messages being sent.
My wife and I wish we could have gone to school together. Neither one of us worried about the opinions of our 'peers' or treated anyone one way in public and a different way in private. We both did our own thing and couldn't care less about trying to 'fit in' with any particular crowd. Glass houses and hypocrisy and all that is just a boring drag.
Adults in school never knew a thing about what happened in the darkened auditorium. I never mentioned it to anyone. I never heard any other guys speak about it happening to them, but others like me who were also not braggarts would likely have not been any more inclined to say anything than I was. It was not an unpleasant experience.....to feel a small measure of human warmth from members of the opposite sex.....but not having any idea what was going through the minds of the ones who did it made it seem just a bit odd.
I live a very lonely, mostly empty life, so I applaud you in that you found a partner who loves you, because that is the greatest gift, and I don't care how cloyingly saccharine that sounds, I mean it. That also means if I can make life a little easier on kids while they're in school, before they have to deal with this hellhole of an adult world, then I will do so, and if I can hold off the stupidity of zero tolerance and the weird need to make school as clinical and passionless an experience as possible, then I will do that too.
That's more true than you even know. Some might feel that the following is off-topic, but the fact is that a lot gets started in those school years and ripples outward in so many directions. Attitudes, feelings, ways of looking at other people, etc.
When I was in school, the teaching always was that if you "do the right thing" and "be a good person" you will be just fine in life.
My wife and I have always had big hearts and we have always gone far out of our way to honor the idea of always doing the right thing. For our efforts, we have never wanted a pat on the back. We are not the kind who think that the world owes us anything....for any reason. It's just ever more amazing to realize how far society is sliding away from basic human understanding. Following is a copy of a letter that I just emailed to the webmaster of a town up in Canada:
Hello,
This takes a bit of explaining, so please bear with me. I have dual citizenship by birth. I was born in the United States, but my father was born in Lakeville, Nova Scotia. I am just coming out of a situation in which I took care of my elderly parents full-time for many years rather than sticking them away in a nursing home. I have a Bachelor of Arts degree in English, an Associate in Science degree that focused on liberal arts and sciences, and I also have a lot of self-taught skills. As an example, I replaced all of the front suspension components in my car by myself. What I have been encountering here in the U.S. is that potential employers are unwilling to consider circumstances in a person's life. If you don't have the typical resume and references, the term 'no experience necessary' doesn't even matter. I had always heard that volunteerism was something that employers looked favorably upon. I had the opportunity to volunteer down in Tuscaloosa, Alabama, after the tornado in 2011. That has made no difference with any employers in my job search.
I have read that the birth rate in Canada has been down for quite some time and that Canada needs workers. My wife and I would like to move to Nova Scotia, and the Ingonish area is very appealing to us.
My question is, how understanding and welcoming is Canada to people who genuinely have a strong work ethic and want to be contributing members of society but who have had circumstances that were outside of the average? When you have had family members and their estates needing full-time care, and it was just not feasible to have outside employment at the same time, that's just the way that it was. My wife did basically the same thing that I did, because her parents were elderly as well. Through it all, there have been times when we needed food stamp assistance. We did not like it, but it was an unavoidable necessity. We do not like handouts.
We plan to move to Nova Scotia at some point in the next few months. Most likely by no later than October. What are our prospects likely to be in the Ingonish area? I have read and heard that in Canada family is still important. Here in the U.S. when you tell someone that your occupation was taking care of elderly parents full-time, you get blank stares and silence on the telephone. In decades past, it was seen as dedication and representing very good character. Supposedly, people in Canada still generally feel that's the case. Is that true?
When we come into Canada, it might be with very little money. Our house here is on the market, but we don't know if it will sell for a decent price or not. If it does not, we don't want to be stereotyped the moment that we cross the border. We absolutely want to get working as quickly as possible in order to get established and on our feet so that we can contribute. We just need a little understanding and opportunity to be able to do it. We are not 'picky' about jobs. We just want to get started with an employer who has an understanding that not everyone has the same circumstances in life and that just because something was different does not mean that someone is unworthy of hiring and would not make a good employee.
Any advice and information that you could offer would be greatly appreciated.
Thank You,
(Name removed for the bbs here.)
I'm sorry for your experience. I can even understand how it could leave you feeling bitter. But your own issues are not an excuse for lashing out at an innocent, uninvolved person.
All this schools are for learning, not affection (and I see at least one post has been deleted saying this)..
What about college? Do you people so down on PDA in schools because "it's for learning" also say that about college?
As to the issue, I would like to know what is behind these rules in schools. It doesn't just pop up out of no where. I would speculate it could be a few things..
PDA getting seriously out of control and becoming a thing that kids are doing as much as possible for peer points. How many guys can you kiss in one day? How many girls can you hug?
Lawsuits against schools not protecting kids from unwanted attention. I can certainly remember having a few years in school where there was a "hugger" who would hug, and practically hump, everyone often against their will. In a big school it can be hard to discern when PDA is actually crossing lines for kids too quiet to speak up, when it might actually be abusive.
These blanket rules in schools are a way of not having to deal with every nuance and complaint. Though on the surface it looks ridiculous teachers are usually overworked and eliminating something that has been a source of problems across the board probably makes their lives easier.
That's just my speculation though. There is surely an explanation from the schools that have initiated this and the thread needs to find out what it is.
What about college? Do you people so down on PDA in schools because "it's for learning" also say that about college?
As to the issue, I would like to know what is behind these rules in schools. It doesn't just pop up out of no where. I would speculate it could be a few things..
PDA getting seriously out of control and becoming a thing that kids are doing as much as possible for peer points. How many guys can you kiss in one day? How many girls can you hug?
Lawsuits against schools not protecting kids from unwanted attention. I can certainly remember having a few years in school where there was a "hugger" who would hug, and practically hump, everyone often against their will. In a big school it can be hard to discern when PDA is actually crossing lines for kids too quiet to speak up, when it might actually be abusive.
These blanket rules in schools are a way of not having to deal with every nuance and complaint. Though on the surface it looks ridiculous teachers are usually overworked and eliminating something that has been a source of problems across the board probably makes their lives easier.
That's just my speculation though. There is surely an explanation from the schools that have initiated this and the thread needs to find out what it is.
Here are some links:
http://patch.com/michigan/dearborn/love-in-the-hallways
http://www.democraticunderground.com/10023713005
http://www.debate.org/opinions/should-pda-public-displays-of-affection-be-banned-in-schools
http://teaching.about.com/od/gloss/g/Public-Display-Of-Affection.htm
That last one has this:
"Schools typically have a zero-tolerance stance on PDA, because they recognize that even innocent Public Displays of Affection can turn into something more."
The first one talks about prohibition against high-fives. What, exactly, do they think that will lead to?
I think that the one mother is at least correct with the idea that there is fear where same-sex couples are involved....that if it is allowed at all for others, the same-sex couples will start holding hands and kissing one another on the cheek and we just can not have that in this still largely homophobic society. I think a lot of it is making excuses for just that....a real, underlying reason that administrators in schools just do not want to discuss.
I would offer that the more they try to control normal human behavior, the more problems they will cause and the more rebellion there will be.
The more they tighten their grip, the more it will all slip through their fingers.
http://patch.com/michigan/dearborn/love-in-the-hallways
http://www.democraticunderground.com/10023713005
http://www.debate.org/opinions/should-pda-public-displays-of-affection-be-banned-in-schools
http://teaching.about.com/od/gloss/g/Public-Display-Of-Affection.htm
That last one has this:
"Schools typically have a zero-tolerance stance on PDA, because they recognize that even innocent Public Displays of Affection can turn into something more."
The first one talks about prohibition against high-fives. What, exactly, do they think that will lead to?
I think that the one mother is at least correct with the idea that there is fear where same-sex couples are involved....that if it is allowed at all for others, the same-sex couples will start holding hands and kissing one another on the cheek and we just can not have that in this still largely homophobic society. I think a lot of it is making excuses for just that....a real, underlying reason that administrators in schools just do not want to discuss.
I would offer that the more they try to control normal human behavior, the more problems they will cause and the more rebellion there will be.
The more they tighten their grip, the more it will all slip through their fingers.
A
Amaris
Guest
Um... *big hugs*
I don't know if you have any idea just how important what you just said actually means to me, but just know that it does.
*BIG HUGS*
Dancing, perhaps?
Right back at ya.
If you ever want to commiserate, compare notes, or just discuss life in general, feel free to PM me and I will respond as soon as I'm able. You would find that my wife and I are some of the least judgmental people around, because we have been hanging on the edge of a cliff by our fingernails virtually all of our lives and we know what it's really like out there.
Give kids an inch, they'll take a mile. They like to test limits, so setting those limits a little strictly keeps worse behaviors from emerging.
Our school bans PDA, but no one really enforces it for hand holding or hugging. If we didn't have this policy, however, kids would be making out everywhere.
Why care? Well, teenagers making out 1) blocks hallways and stairwells 2) makes them late for class 3) has the potential to stir up drama. If a teenage girl sees her ex/crush making out with someone, she's done for the rest of the day. And kids WILL purposefully do this exactly where their intended target will see them. Imagine a girl seeing her ex with someone and then being expected to take a math test or focus in class.
Our school bans PDA, but no one really enforces it for hand holding or hugging. If we didn't have this policy, however, kids would be making out everywhere.
Why care? Well, teenagers making out 1) blocks hallways and stairwells 2) makes them late for class 3) has the potential to stir up drama. If a teenage girl sees her ex/crush making out with someone, she's done for the rest of the day. And kids WILL purposefully do this exactly where their intended target will see them. Imagine a girl seeing her ex with someone and then being expected to take a math test or focus in class.
