Politeness

[Miss Chicken]

How polite are people where you live? Do you think people say 'please' and 'thank you" often enough. Do people apologise when they bump into you etc ?

Do you see people spitting in the street etc.

Do people queue politely?

Do people say thank you to the driver when they get off the bus?

Feel free to add other questions for people to answer.

 

[Sam_I_Am]

I'm from the UK but just returned from living in Paris. It seems to me that both cultures are polite in different ways. Some examples,

In France, people are more likely to use social titles. "Monsieur", "Madame" etc. are used when talking to strangers, whereas British English speakers seem to avoid using titles, even over the phone with, for example, the bank who will sometimes (which I find a bit rude) address you by your first name.

Similarly, whenever I walked into a shop in France, I would nod and greet the shopkeeper, but that seems not to be so widely practiced in England.

On the other hand, English people apologise when you bump into them (a well known stereotype I think). If you accidently walk into an English person, it's usually they who apologise, whereas as the French will expect an apology from the person doing the walking-into.

In France, when getting onto a lift, everyone greets each other, and when each person dismounts they will all wish each other a good day. This is something I miss in England. I find English people to be a bit more reserved in that aspect. I even walked into my doctor's waiting room in France and was wished a 'bonjour' by the other patients.

One other thing I like about French politeness is that when you arrive at a party, even among people of my age group (early 20s), the host will introduce you to everyone, whereas in my experience in England you arrive at a party and go and talk to people you know but no-one introduces you to the strangers there.

But, the big thing I missed in France was queueing etiquette! The French never make a single line for multiple cashiers as is the English habit. When you shop, there will be several, each moving at a different pace. French people will sneakily switch queues if they can benefit, or even stand between two queues until they see which one is moving faster. Such a headache for an Englishman!

 

[Miss Chicken]

I don't think I have ever seen people greet strangers in lifts beyond a nod or a smile or an offering to press buttons for them. Certainly one doesn't say goodbye.

Australians tend to form one queue for multiple cashiers.

Queueing for buses is often haphazard but this is because many Australians like to allow certain people (such as the elderly) on before them so sometimes there isn't a queue but a mass with each individual using his own criteria about who he should let on before him.

 

[nightwind1]

Iowans are often considered some of the most polite people in the U.S.

 

[auntiehill]

A lot Texans still say "Yes, Ma'am" and "No, Sir" to people in everyday speech. I made a slip with my boss and said, "Yes, sir," and it kind of freaked him out. Also, in some places I've worked, there's a strange thing that goes on with female co-workers. Everyone is "Miss" plus their first name: "Miss Jennifer" or "Miss Kelly," which I find kind of nice, but one of our bosses said it was "unprofessional" and said we could only call each other by first names only. That struck me as odd.

Unfortunately, I find a lot people around here fairly rude---the drawback of being in a huge city. People become completely self-involved and constantly in a rush. I find Austin--a much smaller city--to be a generally more polite and relaxed place.

 

[RoJoHen]

It really depends. I am a bartender, so I have a lot of interaction with a lot of different people. Some are incredibly polite; others are huge douchebags. I often try to be extra polite in everyday life to make up for the douchiness.

 

[Gary7]

It varies quite a bit from location to location in the USA. Large metropolitan cities have a mix of politeness, mostly depending upon the "luck of the draw". Some store sales people go out of their way to be helpful (like at "Trader Joe's") while some could care less (like at "Walmart").

It's really interesting to hear your comparative experience of UK and France social politeness, Sam I Am. I found myself with a similar experience when I visited those places. Amazing what you said about queuing etiquette in France. That was one of my pet peeves. People can get just downright ugly when it comes to lines. And another thing... forget about recovering anything lost. If you lose it, spoils go to the finder. Nobody will make an effort to find the owner, and rather rejoice in the "free item". Contrast that with Sweden... wow. You can leave a backpack on a park bench by accident, and nobody will touch it for a long stretch of time. You do that in France and it'll be gone in minutes.

 

[YellowSubmarine]

I often find the local word for “please” slightly non-polite, because it implies a sense of urgency, giving it a connotation similar to, say, “ASAP”. At least in the cases where I'd notice someone used it. I would not say “please” unless I want to be an asshole (by which I mean I say it all the time, and I repeat it until the person gives in).

By the way, all these words that are supposed to express politeness are most often mindlessly included in sentences out of habit, without evident intention to be polite. Which is why I generally don't notice them, and I honestly don't remember if people around me use such or not. People would ask “How are you?” and then go on talking, without waiting for an answer, or they would say “Sorry for bothering you” without any indication that they care they bothered you. That's not politeness, and such uses always go below my radar. Often times I'd find “You're tearing it all down, bastard” (by which they mean “you did a great job for me with this”) more polite than “Thank you”.

 

[Roger Wilco]

And another thing... forget about recovering anything lost. If you lose it, spoils go to the finder. Nobody will make an effort to find the owner, and rather rejoice in the "free item". Contrast that with Sweden... wow. You can leave a backpack on a park bench by accident, and nobody will touch it for a long stretch of time. You do that in France and it'll be gone in minutes.

I think Japan is the benchmark for this sort of politeness.

 

[lurok]

^Second that. Plus politeness raised to a formal artform. Of course, you're still gaijin.

 

[Miss Chicken]

I was reading that a Japanese child is taught that even when he finds a coin in the street he has to take it to one of those community policeman and the policeman patiently fills out a lost property form. The child will gets the coin if no-one claims it after a certain amount of time.

 

[MacLeod]

It varies quite a bit from location to location in the USA. Large metropolitan cities have a mix of politeness, mostly depending upon the "luck of the draw". Some store sales people go out of their way to be helpful (like at "Trader Joe's") while some could care less (like at "Walmart").

It's really interesting to hear your comparative experience of UK and France social politeness, Sam I Am. I found myself with a similar experience when I visited those places. Amazing what you said about queuing etiquette in France. That was one of my pet peeves. People can get just downright ugly when it comes to lines. And another thing... forget about recovering anything lost. If you lose it, spoils go to the finder. Nobody will make an effort to find the owner, and rather rejoice in the "free item". Contrast that with Sweden... wow. You can leave a backpack on a park bench by accident, and nobody will touch it for a long stretch of time. You do that in France and it'll be gone in minutes.

Leave it unattended in the UK for a sufficent period of time, the Bomb squad might be called out to it as a suspicious package.

 

[Deranged Nasat]

Sadly, in my borough (Westernmost borough of Greater London), those traditional social niceties that others in the thread have discussed seem to be largely lacking. There are a fair few individuals who act that way, but on the whole there isn't much of a shared attitude to politeness at all. Queues for buses, etc, don't really even exist; it's often just a mass of people trying to board. On the other hand, other places in the UK seem to be far better when it comes to polite behaviour; there's a real difference between my area and some of the other regions I've visited.

 

[Thor Damar]

I'm afraid to say (and I beg peoples' tolerance for my unfortunately uncouth words and any inconceivable offense cause therein) that I am minded to agree with my fellow Hillingdoner the most estimable Deranged Nasat esq.

In fact I would alas go do far as to say that the myth and stereotyping of our people, viz 'the British' (to use such a imprecise etymological term) is rather sadly proven by the empirical evidence.

I apologize for not, as yet, writing anything more thoughtful or witty to provide welcome entertainment for you all but I shall endeavour to do so in the future.

Thank you for your time.

 

[Santaman]

^^ You sound a little discombobulated there old chap..

I live in the eastern part of the Netherlands, people here seem to be suspicious and unwelcoming but once they know you they are quite nice, however politeness isn't one of our strengths here but we are by all means brutally and devastatingly honest which I finds more important than politeness..

 

[Gul Re'jal]

The Hongkongers are a strange mix of politeness and lack of it. They queue up to a bus or underground train door, but they will shut a door in your face and bump your shoulder on a street, not intending to move aside. Not very polite to even disrespectful to South Asians and at the same time overly polite to Westerners.

Interesting that on Hong Kong Expat forum a similar subject is currently discussed. The members even provided a couple of links:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/12/16/the-worlds-friendliest-cities_n_2311511.html#slide=1888554

http://www.standard.co.uk/news/lond...-london-according-to-tripadvisor-8412183.html

 

[scotpens]

I find people here in Los Angeles -- on the westside, anyway -- are generally polite. We form a line and wait our turn to board a bus. We hold the door for someone trying to get on an elevator. We say "excuse me" when we accidentally bump into a person. Even the panhandlers ask politely if you can spare any change.

Iowans are often considered some of the most polite people in the U.S.

Oh, there's nothing halfway about the Iowa way to treat you --
when we treat you, which we may not do at all.

 

[iguana_tonante]

I find that pretty much most people here are quite polite.

Of course, what is considered polite in Italy is a bit different from what is considered polite in the Anglosphere.

 

[Tora Ziyal]

^For example???

 

[Felidae]

I live in the Netherlands (Holland) and people are generally polite here but also slightly uninterested. They'll say sorry if they'll bump into you, but in some cities you can ask directions and they just nod and ignore you. Also, every time I'm in stores I am annoyed by how many people don't ask if they can pass but just push by you and such.

I ask, I say please.. I don't always say "U" .. I say "you".. in english that does not work but "U" is for people that are higher up on the ladder than you, or older people. "You" is used for friends or normal people. Sorry, but no one's worth more than me and I don't call mother or grandparents "U".. so "you" is fine.