Pitch a Movie

[Triskelion]

Nick Offerman goes to his father's funeral and discovers he has a brother from his father's secret "other" family: Zach Galifianakis. Nick's whole square world comes unglued. Zach is a professional force of destruction.

I don't care what else happens. Just put these guys together.

What do you think?

 

[sojourner]

Stepbrothers - starring Will Farrell and - oh, wait.

 

[JirinPanthosa]

How about this. A ten hour long movie, filmed in black and white, made up of long tracking shots over grand, bleak scenes of human suffering. The film would feature elliptical storytelling following many different characters, jumping backwards and forwards through time, and focus on the ghettoization of third world countries following the influx of foreign capital.

Make it happen BELA TARR! And make sure to poison at least three cats!

 

[Opus]

"And it's called 'Lady Killer'?"

"'Brady Killer'! That's why he only kills women named Marcia, Jan or Cindy."

 

[Venardhi]

Nick Offerman goes to his father's funeral and discovers he has a brother from his father's secret "other" family: Zach Galifianakis. Nick's whole square world comes unglued. Zach is a professional force of destruction.

I don't care what else happens. Just put these guys together.

What do you think?

You've got some good ingredients but the wrong recipe here. Zach attends his father's funeral and the video "last will" expressly and hilariously states (through the visage of some old-hollywood manly leading man type) that in order to prove he isn't entirely useless, Zach has to go find Offerman's character (the son he had by an adventurer/hunter/outdoorswoman while on Safari [who if she appears can be played by Julie Andrews or the like and carry off a few scenes by being posh, old and English while wielding a hunting rifle.]) and together they have to conquer some survivalist challenge or hunt some notoriously elusive animal and if successful will be rewarded with half of his fortune each. If Zach comes back empty handed, he gets nothing.

Zach finds Offerman's character in Alaska or South America or whatever being manly and outdoorsy and exactly like his father always wanted Zach to be, Nick wants nothing to do with this soft rich guy who knows nothing about any of it.

Through the trials and tribulations of their task, they grow to like and then love each other, eventually bonding and accomplishing the task but deciding Zach is better off not taking his father's spiteful money and coming to stay with Offerman on his adventures (because it turns out he is already rich and never needed the money).

Nick might also find a love interest along the way, while Offerman surprises with a series of humorously implied one night stands with both men and women (and possibly a lion).

 

[Gryffindorian]

Armageddon Earth
Starring Jennifer Lawrence, Benedict Cumberbatch, Michael B. Jordan, Emma Watson, Gary Oldman, Idris Elba, Charlize Theron

A time-traveling soldier from the 25th century and his alien partner travel back in time to warn modern-day world leaders of an impending alien invasion that would lead to humanity's enslavement.

Genre: Sci-fi, Action/Adventure, a la Independence Day, The Terminator

Budget: $115 million

Rating: PG–13

 

[sojourner]

The sword in the stone appears in modern day Great Briton.

We follow a historian (Benedict Cumberbatch) and a Police Detective (Michael Fassbender) through the chaos and intrigue that erupts around this event.

 

[Triskelion]

Vernardhi, nice take on the premise. Why do I get the feeling Hemingway should be in there somewhere?

Sojourner, that's a trailer!


Stellar responses, all! Keep 'em coming!

 

[Starbreaker]

Adam Sandler and Eddie Murphy play themselves as well as each other's sibling. Fart jokes. Hilarity ensues.

 

[Jono]

Pride and Prejudice and Aliens

Director: Michael Bay

Because love is lame, but fighting back aliens with giant explosions isn't.

Or a Monkey Island movie.

 

[Mistral]

A grizzled prospector (Harrison Ford) on an alien planet returns to his pre-fab house out in the wild country to discover his front door open. Carefully investigating, he finds a 2ft tall, fur covered humanoid creature in his shower stall. A friendship develops as time passes, only to be threatened by the Big Bad Corporation that owns the planet when it turns out the little guy might be sentient, there bye voiding the Corporation's charter of ownership over the whole planet. A court battle commences to determine if the little fuzzy guy is really intelligent-with the future of the planet hinging on the outcome.

 

[Admiral2]

OPERATION: SPANX

An update of the Cary Grant/Tony Curtis comedy Operation: Petticoat as a political/submarine war drama.

Much like the USS Mason, a WWII destroyer with an all-black crew, the Navy decides to turn a Los Angeles-class submarine over to an all-female crew to see if women can hack it as submariners.

I imagine Demi Moore starring as the commander, with Kate Upton playing her sonar operator/lesbian lover. (Takes care of women in subs and gays in combat in one shot.)

 

[sojourner]

A grizzled prospector (Harrison Ford) on an alien planet returns to his pre-fab house out in the wild country to discover his front door open. Carefully investigating, he finds a 2ft tall, fur covered humanoid creature in his shower stall. A friendship develops as time passes, only to be threatened by the Big Bad Corporation that owns the planet when it turns out the little guy might be sentient, there bye voiding the Corporation's charter of ownership over the whole planet. A court battle commences to determine if the little fuzzy guy is really intelligent-with the future of the planet hinging on the outcome.

Han? Wicket?

 

[Mysterion]

A grizzled prospector (Harrison Ford) on an alien planet returns to his pre-fab house out in the wild country to discover his front door open. Carefully investigating, he finds a 2ft tall, fur covered humanoid creature in his shower stall. A friendship develops as time passes, only to be threatened by the Big Bad Corporation that owns the planet when it turns out the little guy might be sentient, there bye voiding the Corporation's charter of ownership over the whole planet. A court battle commences to determine if the little fuzzy guy is really intelligent-with the future of the planet hinging on the outcome.

Yes. Somone should adapt H. Beam Piper's work into a movie. Little Fuzzy is a good start. ford would be good as Holloway. Jeff Bridges might also be a good choice. Just use Piper's original version of the story and not the Scalzi re-boot from a couple years ago.

 

[Gryffindorian]

Close-Up
Starring Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Emma Stone, Melissa McCarthy, Daniel Radcliffe, Olga Kurylenko

A promiscuous CIA agent (Gordon-Levitt) and his partner (Stone) are assigned by their feisty director (McCarthy) to work as photographers to infiltrate an international crime syndicate posing as a modeling agency in Milan that's run by a sleazy manager (Radcliffe).

Genre: Comedy, Action

Budget: $35 million

Rating: R

 

[Gaith]

I'd really like to see a good biopic, or maybe HBO miniseries, of the life of Mohammad - either filmed in California, for obvious reasons, or done in high-quality claymation, a la Aardman Animations' works. Balancing the duties of spiritual leader and military conqueror of entire cities would be quite an interesting dramatic dynamic to see acted out.

 

[Owain Taggart]

A War of the Worlds remake set during the American Civil War.

 

[Data Holmes]

World War 3.2

A late 20's Iraq/Afghanistan War vet is recruited by a shadowy government group fighting the real world war, dubbed 3.2 by the head of the cyber warfare team, which has been going on since 1999. It's not just nations or Islamic terrorists as the public would believe. Factions of nations, corporations, freelance fighters, private military contractors, religious extremists, environmental extremists, and politicians are fighting an ever shifting, mutating, and evolving global conflict on physical, digital, economic, and political fronts.

The group, set up and funded by the president of the US answers to no one and has one job, prevent the new global war from destroying civilization as we know it by any means necessary.

Target length for the movie would be 3 to 3.5 hours long, target rating would be hard R, and could serve as the pilot for a pay cable/Netflix series.

 

[Nerys Myk]

Patrick Stewart and Ben Kingsley play actors who despise each other because fans always mistake them for each other. They both audition for a part that's a guaranteed award winner, but the director, who's a bit scattered can't recall which actor gave the best audition, Hi-jinks and hilarity ensue as the two actors try convince the director they were the one he liked, while simultaneously sabotaging each other. In the end the director finally recalls who gave the best audition....a third actor play by F. Murray Abraham!

 

[JirinPanthosa]

This looks like a job for the AWESOME-O 5000!

So how about Adam Sandler plays a nun, and the nun has a sister also played by Adam Sandler only she's a party girl who's also fat, and they have to save an orphanage from drug dealers or something?