No friendships with Exes

[Finn]

My girlfriend has been venting about being a bit overwhelmed with work, school and Praxis, as well as where our relationship is going. She lives with her parents while I'm on campus so I can't be with her. I felt bad just when she got an email from an ex from years ago (who lives across the country now), telling her that his pastor told him to cut off all of his exes because he was getting married soon. I really want to be there for her right this moment. But it's getting late and I have papers to do for tomorrow.

 

[Michael Chris]

That's bizarre. I hope she gets feeling better.

 

[Ashu]

That's....weird. If my Pastor (supposing I had one) told me that, Im not sure I'd listen.

Anyways, I hope your girlfriend feels better.

 

[jamestyler]

My girlfriend has been venting about being a bit overwhelmed with work, school and Praxis, as well as where our relationship is going...

The Klingon moon?

Overwhelming stuff/stress with work etc can often lead to stress within the relationship. Reassure her and let her vent. Sometimes the bet thing you can do is listen

As for the ex's thing...
...I don't get that. I never cut any of my ex's off and it's never effected any relationship badly. Off the top of my head my ex's I'm still in touch with now consist of a drinking buddy, a mates fiancee, a friend who always comes to me for advice... even the most recent break up resulted in an offer to be a friend to her, as I broke up with her as she I feel she needs to focus on herself and her kids. I'm better off as her therapist.

The only ex's I don't wish contact with are the ones who are a few gunmen short of a posse.

But anyway... I almost forgot my point in babbling.. I wouldn't advise anyone to cut an ex out of their life unless there were still more than friendly feelings on one side. People shouldn't be told who their friends can and can't be.

 

[Finn]

Yeah, she just talked with her sister, so she's feeling a bit better. But I really wish I was there for her more. I hate living on campus while she's living in her parents' condo across town. I'll see her tomorrow (she's rarely on campus) and we will have time alone this weekend. I don't understand why some people do this kind of thing.

 

[Farquard]

Interaction with ex's have proven to be one of either the best or worst experiences known to humankind. I think, for myself, I still perfer to check for land mines with a butter knife and a spoon.
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[The_Beef]

That's very odd. The only rationale I can see for that is if the pastor had reason to suspect the person still had feelings for the exes, or if the guy's wife-to-be was particularly paranoid about them and maintaining the contacts could create a major issue.

 

[Emher]

I kinda just go with the "I never want to talk to you again you lying bitch" version. But yeah, that is odd. Then again I never got this whole religion thing.

 

[FrontLine]

The pastor is controlling and if the ex wants to be a member of that church then shes better off with out him

As for continuing friendly relationships with exes, it can either go great or not well at all. I married one of my exes and I think another has a contract out on me and the rest, we just moved on.

 

[Pingfah]

I am friends with a number of exs, however, only the ones I was already friends with before we dated.

Not deliberate, just the way it worked out.

 

[iguana_tonante]

My girlfriend has been venting about being a bit overwhelmed with work, school and Praxis, as well as where our relationship is going. She lives with her parents while I'm on campus so I can't be with her.

I'm with you, mate.

[quot] I felt bad just when she got an email from an ex from years ago (who lives across the country now), telling her that his pastor told him to cut off all of his exes because he was getting married soon.[/quote]
err... wut?

He wrote her to say that he can't talk to her anymore? Because his pastor said so? That's, well, weird.

 

[SeerSGB]

Actually, I don't find it all that out of the ordinary. But then again, I never stayed in touch with my exes, once it was over they were out of my life completely-- some of them didn't want that, but I did. Now my wife tried to stay friends with some of her exes, and all it did was cause her problems, and when we got married it caused us some serious problems cause one of her exes was doing the whole "I'll be there when he dumps you" thing and trying to pick fights with me and then running to the wife and saying "see, see, he's a total ass, why don't you get back with me"

So from, my experience and personal preference, once your broke up you're broke up and it's best not to try to do the whole "let's be friends" thing.

 

[Crusher Disciple]

So from, my experience and personal preference, once your broke up you're broke up and it's best not to try to do the whole "let's be friends" thing.

I agree, even if the breakup was a fairly civil one. It's best just to put the past behind you and move on.

 

[nevermore]

So from, my experience and personal preference, once your broke up you're broke up and it's best not to try to do the whole "let's be friends" thing.

I agree, even if the breakup was a fairly civil one. It's best just to put the past behind you and move on.

I don't get this attitude at all.

You date someone presumably because there is something about them that you like, and unless it's a completely shallow relationship, that something is not just sex. Just because you stop fucking a person, should therefore not mean that they are no longer worth knowing. There are so few people in the world who are really worth knowing that cutting one off just because the relationship has changed seems idiotic and short-sighted.

 

[JonathonWally]

So from, my experience and personal preference, once your broke up you're broke up and it's best not to try to do the whole "let's be friends" thing.

I agree, even if the breakup was a fairly civil one. It's best just to put the past behind you and move on.

Eh, it all depends on the people involved. I've remained friends with all but 2 exes.

 

[Ashu]

So from, my experience and personal preference, once your broke up you're broke up and it's best not to try to do the whole "let's be friends" thing.

I agree, even if the breakup was a fairly civil one. It's best just to put the past behind you and move on.

Eh, it all depends on the people involved. I've remained friends with all but 2 exes.

Yeah, the people involved and why there was a break up in the first place.

 

[SeerSGB]

So from, my experience and personal preference, once your broke up you're broke up and it's best not to try to do the whole "let's be friends" thing.

I agree, even if the breakup was a fairly civil one. It's best just to put the past behind you and move on.

I don't get this attitude at all.

You date someone presumably because there is something about them that you like, and unless it's a completely shallow relationship, that something is not just sex. Just because you stop fucking a person, should therefore not mean that they are no longer worth knowing. There are so few people in the world who are really worth knowing that cutting one off just because the relationship has changed seems idiotic and short-sighted.

For me it was never about sex (I was a virgin till I got married). It was about when I split up with someone, then I could never separate whatever it was that caused the break up from the whole "friends" side of it.

But, then again, I've never been one overly worried about keeping friends.

 

[Crusher Disciple]

I don't get this attitude at all.

Simple- to each their own.

Just because you stop fucking a person, should therefore not mean that they are no longer worth knowing.

Well, that's never been my attitude, nor did I infer it in my post.

There are so few people in the world who are really worth knowing

I disagree. There are so many more people in the world worth knowing that holding onto the past has the chance of keeping you from knowing them.

that cutting one off just because the relationship has changed seems idiotic and short-sighted.

In my opinion, it's not cutting them off. It's giving yourself the space to accept that things are over, heal and acknowledge that you need to move on with your life. Holding onto the past and wishing things could be different- even hoping that they'll be different- is what's hurtful. I think that giving the other person the freedome to persue their romantic future without you hanging around, reminding them how things used to be (and in some cases, perhaps hoping that they'll be that way again), keeps you both in miserable limbo.

 

[nevermore]

In my opinion, it's not cutting them off. It's giving yourself the space to accept that things are over, heal and acknowledge that you need to move on with your life. Holding onto the past and wishing things could be different- even hoping that they'll be different- is what's hurtful. I think that giving the other person the freedome to persue their romantic future without you hanging around, reminding them how things used to be (and in some cases, perhaps hoping that they'll be that way again), keeps you both in miserable limbo.

See, I'm going with the whole to each his own thing, because none of this has ever been an issue for me. Then again, I'm not a very sentimental person. When it's time to throw out the bathwater, you throw out the bathwater. Doesn't mean the baby has to go too.

 

[Crusher Disciple]

Ah, I get ya. In my experience, it's been hard to either keep myself from being wistful about what was or keeping him from trying to re- ignite the flame. Been on both sides of that, and with someone I spit on friendly terms with, it was always uncomfortable to the max.