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NEWS BULLETIN!!! Starfleet Command

An estimated 80 cats and one dog were found Thursday living in the quarters of Lt. Commander Data.

Federation Humane Society spokesman Matthew Willard said there was 2 feet of feces in the two rooms that were part of Mr. Data's quarters. Investigators wore masks to help them breathe through the stench of urine, Williard said.

Twenty felines were taken to a Starfleet veterinarian on Thursday. The remaining animals were expected to be removed Friday.

Willard said charges likely would be filed against the Lt.Commander Data.

UPDATE
We have just learned that Captain Picard has stepped in and 'taken care' of the situation. Picard follows in a long line of Enterprise commanders who seem to think their officers are above the law. Murder, mutiny, and now, the horrible treatment of animals, are part of the list of violations that Enterprise crew members have gotten away with, stretching all the way back to Kirk, and even Archer.

Skippy Willis reporting
UNITED PRESS
 
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