New Writer, New Series
- Thread starter smeos
- Start date
You do fast and excellent work, my friend. Certainly better than my crappy outing.
I liked to bridge, too. I described mine as a little different, but I'd never realized how close it was to the "real" Nebula bridge.
To update it, do I just send you a copy of the new book? I should be done "Death Before Dishonor" in a week or two.
Minor thing, Baxter's not a Marine, nor are there any on the ship. He's the Chief of the Boat.
Again, thanks.
I liked to bridge, too. I described mine as a little different, but I'd never realized how close it was to the "real" Nebula bridge.
To update it, do I just send you a copy of the new book? I should be done "Death Before Dishonor" in a week or two.
Minor thing, Baxter's not a Marine, nor are there any on the ship. He's the Chief of the Boat.
Again, thanks.
hellsgate
Commodore
i'll edit that "chief of the boat" thing. Just attach the newest copy of your books to an e-mail and send them along so the next time i get time online i can upload 'em to your file manager.
trekfan1975@yahoo.com
trekfan1975@yahoo.com
Hah - oh, I did post-grad stuff there (uni transfer and planned to go to SFU for the next stage in my training until I decided to return to the UK). It IS a good college - really!
I pictured the Bridge you described in the story as more like the one on the Enterprise A with the Tactical and Auxiliary consoles we saw on the Enterprise E.
However, when reading the story I seem to be picturing the bridge of the Enterprise D from the series (not Generations).
hellsgate
Commodore
smeos: fixed the "chief of the boat" thing, added the mp3 theme from the "Star Trek: Miranda" starship database that's no longer online. I got my dedication plaque for my ships from Bravo Fleet's infobase forums. They've got an excellent selection of dedication plaque styles from TOS to "A.G.T." & the Relativity-era/Endgame-era. You can also ask for help from the "General Requests" area @ SciFi-Meshes.Com.
http://forum.bravofleet.com
http://scifi-meshes.com/forums/
http://forum.bravofleet.com
http://scifi-meshes.com/forums/
If you have Photoshop you can download a templete here: http://techspecs.acalltoduty.com/plaques/plaques.html
Hmm, I clicked on the download link, but all it did was open a new page filled with what appears to be gibberish.
You have to have Photoshop installed to use the template. If you don't you can always get the trial version from the Adobe website. I think it's good for 30 days or so.
Anyway I just recently finished Baptim of Fire and I was quite impressed. A great story and an excellent, fitting ending too. I saw something like that coming but not quite that way.
Overall I was mostly impressed by your fluid writing style which made even the chunkier bits quite a pleasure to read.
I know how challenging it is to write novels and pacing usually becomes the biggest issue. As you have a tendency to write very internally (ie what the characters think instead of what they do) the story becomes very slow at times and the main plot takes a back seat. But this is not neccessarily a bad thing considering that this is your pilot story and we are still getting to know these people.
I'm still torn between the characters. Your main theme clearly is the morally upright Starfleet versus the not so ethical elements with Farrell stuck somewhere in the middle. And while Farrell is a fascinating character, he and Iron Mike and perhaps Dave don't quite fit in with the 'clean' Starfleet crowd on Repulse.
It is a more contemporary inspired Star Trek for sure which is quite popular among fan fic writers these days but to me it doesn't quite capture my favorite aspects of the series. To be fair of course, I'm a hopless romantic when it comes to Trek.
But no matter what complaints I have about your incaranation, your story and style were so compelling that I stuck with it to the end and in fact am looking forward to read Archangel as well.
Great job.
I do have photoshop, but I still just get the gibberish page. I've never used it before, so I think I may just be in over my head.
With Farrell, and to an extent, Iron Mike, they were intended to be a 24th Century version of Vietnam veterans. Guys who grew up in the pristine and idyllic Federation, with mom and apple pie and all that. Who then went off and were traumatized in the Cardassian Wars, and now they're struggling to reconsile these two, vastly different, worlds and attitudes.
Dave is just a grumpy old man who I put in there to give Farrell someone to talk to during the first book. He gets some more exposition during the second.
As to the darker aspect, I've always liked DS9 more than any other series for precisely that reason. After spending some time here, however, I can see that it's not everyone's cup of tea. The second book, I should warn you, is dark as well, but after that it lightens up a bit (at least in terms of the Federation being something of the bad guys).
What did you find to be the clunkier parts of the novel, and what would you think I could do to make them flow better?
With Farrell, and to an extent, Iron Mike, they were intended to be a 24th Century version of Vietnam veterans. Guys who grew up in the pristine and idyllic Federation, with mom and apple pie and all that. Who then went off and were traumatized in the Cardassian Wars, and now they're struggling to reconsile these two, vastly different, worlds and attitudes.
Dave is just a grumpy old man who I put in there to give Farrell someone to talk to during the first book. He gets some more exposition during the second.
As to the darker aspect, I've always liked DS9 more than any other series for precisely that reason. After spending some time here, however, I can see that it's not everyone's cup of tea. The second book, I should warn you, is dark as well, but after that it lightens up a bit (at least in terms of the Federation being something of the bad guys).
What did you find to be the clunkier parts of the novel, and what would you think I could do to make them flow better?
I don't actually mind dark at all. If you ever get a chance to read some of my stories you find that I'm actually developing quite a dark edge myself.
I think my issue was mostly with your characters and their uncharacteristically military slant which as you pointed out did feel a lot more like you were writing about Vietnam veterans than the Starfleet officers we know from Trek. It's not something that I personally favor but it works.
As for pacing, that's always a difficult question. You take away from the pacing and slow down your story every time you devote lengthy passages on your character's thoughts which you did quite frequently, especially with Farrell. You could consider for example trimming those segments and instead picking up the threads of your main plot sooner. I recall a lot of segments where Farrell would go to his quarters or his ready room and contemplate the mission while waiting for something to happen. Those brooding moments are great to give us more insights into the man but in the meantime we get a distinct feeling that the story itself is on pause.
Writers often employ subplots in order to fill those unavoidable gaps in the story-telling which can also help to learn more about other crew members.
I'm most certainly not saying your story is lacking, in fact it is great, and these are merely some suggestions. In the end it really just depends on what kind of writing style you are most comfortable with. You clearly have the skills to entertain your readers (like me) and in the end that's what matters most.
I think my issue was mostly with your characters and their uncharacteristically military slant which as you pointed out did feel a lot more like you were writing about Vietnam veterans than the Starfleet officers we know from Trek. It's not something that I personally favor but it works.
As for pacing, that's always a difficult question. You take away from the pacing and slow down your story every time you devote lengthy passages on your character's thoughts which you did quite frequently, especially with Farrell. You could consider for example trimming those segments and instead picking up the threads of your main plot sooner. I recall a lot of segments where Farrell would go to his quarters or his ready room and contemplate the mission while waiting for something to happen. Those brooding moments are great to give us more insights into the man but in the meantime we get a distinct feeling that the story itself is on pause.
Writers often employ subplots in order to fill those unavoidable gaps in the story-telling which can also help to learn more about other crew members.
I'm most certainly not saying your story is lacking, in fact it is great, and these are merely some suggestions. In the end it really just depends on what kind of writing style you are most comfortable with. You clearly have the skills to entertain your readers (like me) and in the end that's what matters most.
Ah, okay. The military slant is probably most prevalent because Farrell sees himself as a soldier, and he dominates the first book quite heavily. In the second one and onwards, I try to give some more time and balance to the other characters, who are less military and more "Starfleet".
The A/B storyline was something that I didn't notice that I was lacking until I had nearly finished the book, and I felt that it was too late to go back in and try to work one in. The next ones have something approaching that, but it's still something that I have found hard to master. The brooding was done, primarily, so that people (and I) could get more familiar with the "star" of my series. The next one's still have it, but not so much.
To be perfectly honest, the story line in my first book was essentially a McGuffin to introduce everyone and the (sort of) villains. I was just kind of making shit up as I went along, but it's definitely gratifying to know that it didn't become a giant bore fest. The next one's have tighter plotting, IMO.
Entertainment is the goal. I'm glad you liked it and I'll try and keep what you said in mind while I'm writing.
The A/B storyline was something that I didn't notice that I was lacking until I had nearly finished the book, and I felt that it was too late to go back in and try to work one in. The next ones have something approaching that, but it's still something that I have found hard to master. The brooding was done, primarily, so that people (and I) could get more familiar with the "star" of my series. The next one's still have it, but not so much.
To be perfectly honest, the story line in my first book was essentially a McGuffin to introduce everyone and the (sort of) villains. I was just kind of making shit up as I went along, but it's definitely gratifying to know that it didn't become a giant bore fest. The next one's have tighter plotting, IMO.
Entertainment is the goal. I'm glad you liked it and I'll try and keep what you said in mind while I'm writing.
hellsgate
Commodore
Fixed the links on the site and added a few new title graphics / link-banners done in MS Paint.
http://www.geocities.com/smeos1/
Example:
http://www.geocities.com/smeos1/
Example:
I look to start reading Archangel this weekend. I'm sorry, it's just been so busy for me recently. We just put to bed the next edition of the journal I help edit and I'm just now able to begin kicking back and relaxing a bit.
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