Negative friends

[Miss Chicken]

How do you deal with them?

I am an optimist (most of the time) but my best friend isn't. Sometimes I just don't know how to deal with her negativity.

We decided to go to the cinema on Tuesday to see the 1.45pm showing of The King's Speech. We arranged to met at the cinema at 1.30 and I arrived about 5 minutes before my friend. When she arrived she looked the line outside one of the four cinemas (about 50 people and about another 20 in line to buy tickets).

She said 'What movie are they going to see"
I said "I think they are here for The King's Speech".
She said "They can't be, TKS can't be that much a a crowd drawer".
I said "The next movie after TKS is Gulliver's Travels and that doesn't start to 2pm.
She said "They must be going to see that".
I said "I don't think so" and pointed out that no-one in the line looked to be under 40 and that if they were going to see Gulliver than there would be children in the line.

She looked at the line and said "I am not going in if there are that many people before us. We won't be able to get a good seat". I said that the cinema could hold about 150 so we would probably get a reasonable seat. She disagreed.

I suggested we buy some tickets for Thursday. She said "NO" because tickets would be about $3 dearer on Thursdays. I said that I would pay the difference for her. She found all sorts of reasons not to go on Thursday. However she phoned me later that day and said she would like to go on Thursday.

On Thursday we went and there was a similar crowd. My friend lost her temper and loudly said for all to hear "Why are all those people here, can't they go some place else".

I said that they were here for the same reason as us - to see the movie. She said "They could have seen it at some other time".

I tried to talk her into going in and seeing the movie. She said it would be too crowded. She moaned about people being Geoffrey Rush fans and I said it was more likely that the people lined up were people interested in the Royal Family rather than Geoffrey Rush fans. She continued to moan all the way over to the shopping center.

We have now made arrangements to go next Tuesday. We are going to arrive 30 minutes before the start to see how many people are waiting. I have decided that I am going in to see the movie with or without her. Is this what you would do with a friend like this?

 

[Starbreaker]

I would have left her in the parking lot and seen the movie by myself the first time. If she expected to sit in an empty theater, she sounds kind of delusional.

 

[RoJoHen]

Well, movies around here are never that crowded. I haven't waited in line for a movie since the last Star Wars film came out, and that was only because I saw it opening night. That said, my friends and I all dislike the general public, so I understand now wanting to be around a bunch of them. However, the general public are a part of daily life. If you really don't want to be around them, plan accordingly. And if I'm going to make the effort to go out and get to the theater, you bet your ass I am going to see the damn movie.

I don't really have too many friends, though, that are so whiney about it. My friends are all pretty positive, optimistic people. I'm probably the least optimistic of any of them, which is saying something. And anytime any of us doesn't feel like doing something, we don't force them. If they're just going to be a downer throughout the experience, we would rather have them stay home.

 

[Avon]

i would have told her to either stop whining or fuck off.

 

[BolianAuthor]

How do you deal with them?

I am an optimist (most of the time) but my best friend isn't. Sometimes I just don't know how to deal with her negativity.

We decided to go to the cinema on Tuesday to see the 1.45pm showing of The King's Speech. We arranged to met at the cinema at 1.30 and I arrived about 5 minutes before my friend. When she arrived she looked the line outside one of the four cinemas (about 50 people and about another 20 in line to buy tickets).

She said 'What movie are they going to see"
I said "I think they are here for The King's Speech".
She said "They can't be, TKS can't be that much a a crowd drawer".
I said "The next movie after TKS is Gulliver's Travels and that doesn't start to 2pm.
She said "They must be going to see that".
I said "I don't think so" and pointed out that no-one in the line looked to be under 40 and that if they were going to see Gulliver than there would be children in the line.

She looked at the line and said "I am not going in if there are that many people before us. We won't be able to get a good seat". I said that the cinema could hold about 150 so we would probably get a reasonable seat. She disagreed.

I suggested we buy some tickets for Thursday. She said "NO" because tickets would be about $3 dearer on Thursdays. I said that I would pay the difference for her. She found all sorts of reasons not to come on Thursday. However she phoned me later that day and said she would like to go on Thursday.

On Thursday we went and their was a similar crowd. My friend lost her temper and loudly said for all to hear "Why are all those people here, can't they go some place else".

I said that they were here for the same reason as us - to see the movie. She said "The could have seen it at some other time".

I tried to talk her into going in and seeing the movie. She said it would be too crowded. She moaned about people being Geoffrey Rush fans and I said it was more likely that the people lined up were people interested in the Royal Family rather than Geoffrey Rush fans. She continued to moan all the way over to the shopping center.

We have now made arrangements to go next Tuesday. We are going to arrive 30 minutes before the start to see how many people are waiting. I have decided that I am going in to see the movie with or without her. Is this what you would do with a friend like this?

I had a friend who was always so negative he made that robot from Hitchhiker's Guide look like Pee Wee Herman, and after years of trying to cheer him up, and get him to look up a bit, I just finally said to frak with it, and gave up. Haven't spoken to him in a long time.

He would pull stuff kinda like that, when I'd suggest we go to lunch together... he'd spend half an hour debating the pros and cons of if he should go, until one day I just said look, it ain't rocket science... either you wanna eat, or not... but don't be so damn indecisive... my feelings won't be hurt if you say no... it's only Mickey D's, after all.

 

[scotpens]

When I saw the thread title, I thought, does “negative friends” mean the same thing as “enemies”?

 

[Jadzia]

She may just have an impatient/ intolerant temperament.

Or she may feel that her friendship with you hangs on her having an opinion about things... a form of nervousness/insecurity about remaining valuable. So it may be that she pressures herself into expressing opinions.

But the problem is that when people want to express an opinion, but have nothing valuable to say, they will often turn to random criticism.

Perhaps if you subtly reassure her about the strength and stability of your friendship, or subtly reassure her that she is valued, then maybe she will become less pessimistic.

 

[Kestra]

What if you are the negative friend?

 

[John Clark]

For my group of friends, I'm the designated driver for the cinema. (We take turns for nights out, but for cinema trips, we'd never make it there in time)

If it were me, I'd possibly "accidentally" forget to pick them up.

Fortunately, the only negative one won't go to the cinema anyway. We're also lucky because when we go to the cinema, it's usually for the first show of the day for that particular film so it's rare if there are more than 15 people in the screen.

 

[kirsten187]

I think that's the kind of thing I'd probably do. I know it must be quite difficult to deal with a situation like that but is there a way of asking if she wants to actually see it at the cinema or wait for release on DVD?

I know I can be the negative friend on occasion but only relating things to myself (as in confidence / shy thing)! Never like that. I qued for about half an hour to see Harry Potter 6 when it was out a couple of years ago and there were about 100 people in front of us.

 

[BolianAuthor]

What if you are the negative friend?

If that's the case, then would you know it?

 

[Miss Chicken]

The same friend phoned me up last night. It seems that after not seeing the movie she went over into the city and bought a $19 DVD player. On the box it said that the DVD player was multi-regional.

She phoned to tell me that her copy of "Eyeborgs" (which came from the US Amazon) didn't work in her new DVD player. A message came up saying it was a wrong region DVD. She said she had tried "Whiteout" which was also bought on Amazon and it did work. I suggested she try a few other DVDs that she got through Amazon.

She angrily said that the place that she bought the player off were false advertising by saying the DVD was multiregional. I said that they might not realise that some DVDs wouldn't play in it and that is why she should try out other non-region 4 DVDs. She could then go in and show them exactly how many DVDs wouldn't work in it.

She then complained that she would have to spend $1.80 on busfare to go over and get her money back on a $19 DVD player.

 

[Kestra]

What if you are the negative friend?

If that's the case, then would you know it?

Self-awareness?

 

[RoJoHen]

What if you are the negative friend?

If that's the case, then would you know it?

I am certainly the most negative of all my friends.

 

[BolianAuthor]

The same friend phoned me up last night. It seems that after not seeing the movie she went over into the city and bought a $19 DVD player. On the box it said that the DVD player was multi-regional.

She phoned to tell me that her copy of "Eyeborgs" (which came from the US Amazon) didn't work in her new DVD player. A message came up saying it was a wrong region DVD. She said she had tried "Whiteout" which was also bought on Amazon and it did work. I suggested she try a few other DVDs that she got through Amazon.

She angrily said that the place that she bought the player off were false advertising by saying the DVD was multiregional. I said that the might not realise that some DVDs wouldn't play in it and that is why she should try out other non-region 4 DVDs. She could then go in and show them exactly how many DVDs wouldn't work in it.

She then complained that she would have to spend $1.80 on busfare to go over and get her money back on a $19 DVD player.

Seriously, you ought tell people like this to just shut the hell up, and leave you alone... people like that just bring you down, and they know it, and get some kind of perverse gratification by it. Just because their lives are shite, they feel they need to exact some revenge, and make your life equally unpleasant. I'd just break it off, if I were you. That's what I did with my negative friend.

 

[Miss Chicken]

I think that's the kind of thing I'd probably do. I know it must be quite difficult to deal with a situation like that but is there a way of asking if she wants to actually see it at the cinema or wait for release on DVD?

She really wants to see it. She first mentioned it about 2 months ago before I had even heard of it. She phoned me and asked me to go on the Tuesday.

 

[Kestra]

What if you are the negative friend?

If that's the case, then would you know it?

I am certainly the most negative of all my friends.

I feel like you've gotten more negative since I've known you.

 

[RoJoHen]

If that's the case, then would you know it?

I am certainly the most negative of all my friends.

I feel like you've gotten more negative since I've known you.

Not really. I have simply found the internet to be a good place to vent so that my real world friends don't have to deal with it as much.

 

[Miss Chicken]

I am certainly the most negative of all my friends.

I feel like you've gotten more negative since I've known you.

Not really. I have simply found the internet to be a good place to vent so that my real world friends don't have to deal with it as much.

I agree with this. I do vent sometimes on the internet rather than vent to my friends. I think I get more honest answers on the internet when I do this.

I would have left her in the parking lot and seen the movie by myself the first time. If she expected to sit in an empty theater, she sounds kind of delusional.

On the Tuesday (which was a public holiday here because Boxing Day had fallen on a Sunday) I walked 3.5 km to the cinema and 3.5 km back home. I could even look at that in a positive light - at least I got some exercise - and I also bought myself a nice sunhat on sale at the shopping centre. My friend lives about a kilometer from the cinema and she complained about having to walk all that way for nothing.

 

[RoJoHen]

As my internet negativity increases, my real world positivity also increases.