need advice on a Trek story

[Challenger71099]

I am making a Trek story about the USS Challenger, and I need suggestions on this story that I making. Here it goes"





" The USS challenger has just finished a deadly mission in the Beloti sector near the Cardassian border, and are being called to the main planet Alpha Centauri in the Alpha Centauri system. The captain of the challenger is afraid that his first officer will want to stay when he gets news that his governor father has just been killed while he was heading home to the planet after a conference on earth. Dealing with his indecision , he is interrupted by the fact that the Challenger has been hit by a temporal wave coming through. The Challenger awakens in the year 2099 on the eve of the Fawke peace campaign, a gorious event in history that successfully united human beings over the planet Alpha centauri. While peace hasn't been created and two classes of human beings are fighting over the planet. The captain tries to implore the Temporal prime directive, but his science officer tells him that the Challenger is here intentionally, and the captain and his crew are ready to participate on a event in history that will live until the 24th century and beyond....



I would like any suggestions as long as it stays true to the Roddenberry code.

1.) No internal conflict between Starfleet officers
2.) An optimistic ending
3.) No Borg ( my code. I hate the overusing of the Borg.)\\
4.) a social comment that I can put
__________________
USS Challenger, ncc-71099. Galaxy Class.

 

[Gibraltar]

Okay, playing Devil’s Advocate here…

I, for one, would argue that the ‘Roddenberry Code’ is one of the most prominent reasons behind the decline of the Star Trek franchise.

Human beings, even more evolved 24th century human beings are going to have some degree of interpersonal conflict. You can’t put hundreds of humanoids onboard something as relatively small as a starship (even a Galaxy-class vessel) and not expect some friction. Even in a hierarchical pseudo-military command structure such as Starfleet, you’re going to have people with widely varying personalities: the alpha-type overachievers vs. the relative ‘slackers’, those on the fast-track to command vs. the dead-enders, officers vs. enlisted personnel, Vulcans grating on humans, Andorians getting on the last nerves of Tellarites… that sort of thing.

Anyone remember Leonard McCoy and Spock? Might there have been a tad bit of interpersonal conflict there? Will Riker and Edward Jellico? Jean-Luc and Robert Picard? Benjamin Sisko and Admiral Leyton?

Not all stories have happy endings, and if the reader knows that no matter how bad the antagonist, no matter how dire the situation, no matter how harrowing the risks facing the heroes that everything will always turn out rosy for the crew… what’s the point of reading the story?

Social commentary is good, and can be through provoking, I won’t argue that point… so long as it’s not overly preachy and seeks to shove the underlying message down the reader’s throat.

Just my $0.02 for your consideration.

 

[Challenger71099]

I never saw it that way.thanks

 

[DarKush]

I am making a Trek story about the USS Challenger, and I need suggestions on this story that I making. Here it goes"

" The USS challenger has just finished a deadly mission in the Beloti sector near the Cardassian border, and are being called to the main planet Alpha Centauri in the Alpha Centauri system. The captain of the challenger is afraid that his first officer will want to stay when he gets news that his governor father has just been killed while he was heading home to the planet after a conference on earth. Dealing with his indecision , he is interrupted by the fact that the Challenger has been hit by a temporal wave coming through. The Challenger awakens in the year 2099 on the eve of the Fawke peace campaign, a gorious event in history that successfully united human beings over the planet Alpha centauri. While peace hasn't been created and two classes of human beings are fighting over the planet. The captain tries to implore the Temporal prime directive, but his science officer tells him that the Challenger is here intentionally, and the captain and his crew are ready to participate on a event in history that will live until the 24th century and beyond....



I would like any suggestions as long as it stays true to the Roddenberry code.

1.) No internal conflict between Starfleet officers
2.) An optimistic ending
3.) No Borg ( my code. I hate the overusing of the Borg.)\\
4.) a social comment that I can put
__________________
USS Challenger, ncc-71099. Galaxy Class.

I largely agree with Gibraltar on all points. I've never cared for the Roddenberry code. To me the TNG episodes that stood out the most were the ones were there was some interpersonal conflict-Worf refusing Crusher's entreaty to give blood to the wounded Romulan soldier, Jellico, Ro Laren, Shelby, etc. They provided some much needed conflict on a show that could sometimes become too stale. If everyone's getting along, and all the conflict is external, I think that makes the characters boring, quite frankly. They need interior lives and quibbles, and stuff like that to create memorable characters and memorable interactions. But I will answer your questions as best I can.

1. I think there is potential internal conflict between the captain or other members of the crew and the first officer if there is a problem over him staying behind, the way you've described. I don't see why that would be. Shouldn't crew be able to take time off to attend to stuff like funerals? For my own fanfic I've often used temporary characters. You could have a stand in first officer, a temporary promotion or an entirely new character step in for a while. On one hand that gives you a new character to play around with and new character dynamics to write for your crew, and it also gives you a potential expendable character you can kill off without sacrificing your core crew.

2) You've already set this up too, by having the Challenger somehow be the linchpin that makes the Fawkes peace agreement come together. It could be something like the 'hidden' help the ENT-E crew gave Zefram Cochrane or more directly like Sisko did when he 'became' Gabriel Bell.

3) Why does there have to be Borg? There's nothing in your description that makes the Borg relevant to the story. And its set in 2099, nowhere near the timeframe of First Contact, so the only reason the Borg would be, or should be, in the story is if you put them there.

4. Once again, you've already implicitly set up a social commentary piece with this Fawkes agreement. Now, you could make the human conflict about religion, race, politics, culture, etc, etc, but you've already established this story will revolve around an issue where people have to overcome some difference. You've got to now find a way to make Challenger fit within that organically. As Gibraltar said, you don't have to be preachy about it. Let that come out through the story, the actions and reactions of the characters.

 

[Challenger71099]

I don't want the Borg at all. This has to be a completely a human story because it's one of the first short stories I've written about my characters on the Challenger. The first story I've written about the Challenger a while back , to me, is like how Lucas introduced the Clone wars tv show. It was clumsy and unintelligent. I hope to get better with this Alpha Centauri story. I do like the idea that there should be temporary characters, and i think that I overlooked the fact that most good trek episodes do have jellicos and shelbys conflicting with the characters of the Enterprise.

Storywise, I want to know if it is a good premise?

 

[DarKush]

I don't want the Borg at all. This has to be a completely a human story because it's one of the first short stories I've written about my characters on the Challenger. The first story I've written about the Challenger a while back , to me, is like how Lucas introduced the Clone wars tv show. It was clumsy and unintelligent. I hope to get better with this Alpha Centauri story. I do like the idea that there should be temporary characters, and i think that I overlooked the fact that most good trek episodes do have jellicos and shelbys conflicting with the characters of the Enterprise.

Storywise, I want to know if it is a good premise?

If you don't want the Borg in your story, don't write them in. You have control over that. Sometimes you'll get to a place where the stories and characters will just do things you don't want them to do, and when you reach that point, I advise you just follow them. But right now, I don't think this is one of those stories or moments. Its not like you're basing this story during the events of the Borg incursions from TV, film, or Trek literature, so you shouldn't have anything to worry about.

I wouldn't worry about what we think about your premise. If you think its a good premise just write the story. The more you write the better you'll get at it. For the most part, most people on this board aren't into tearing people down though they will provide honest feedback and its up to you to decide whether to accept that or not.

 

[unusualsuspex]

Potential conflict/friction on board a ship can come from any of a million sources don't forget.

It could be something as simple as a personality clash (as Gib suggested, Over achiever vs slacker) or:

Alien X, new to Starfleet is given wrong meal substitute which begins to affect his personality/psychology

Crewman away from home gets a Dear John but doesn't feel he can tell anybody

And the list goes on and on.

Imagine your workplace/college/school and look at why conflicts arise there. Humans are humans after all and breeding out the competitive gene (no pun intended) would be Darwinian folly!

Aliens (especially new ones) doubly so.

The above thoughts are those of an amateur writer and bear no similarity to reality whatsoever.

 

[FicWriter]

I'd stay well away from the planet and observe from a distance. Perhaps find a way onto an approaching transport, in order to send a one or two-person away team down to Alpha Centauri (Prime) with a holographic imager to record history as it genuinely occured at very most. But keep the Challenger itself away from their short/long-range (planetary defense) sensor-arc and do nothing to veer the planet's destiny / natural development off its expected course while on-site.

 

[Mistral]

Is it a good premise? Who knows? That would depend on what you do with it. Just write the story, don't worry about others' approval and when you are satisfied with the results-post it.

 

[RobertScorpio]

I never saw it that way.thanks

Actually, I disagree with the others. Having grown up with TOS, as it first aired, I can tell you first hand that my uncle and i liked it because of the POSITIVE way it depicted humanity. There are tons of scifi franchises that show a shitty future where humans bicker and fight and are still bigots and sexist.

But if you listen to people like Nichelle Nichols or any of the actors who knew of star trek from the past, before they were on it, 90 percent of them point to the optimistic future it showed us.

And, as i keep saying, as more time passes, TNG-DS9-Voyager and Enterprise will all fade into oblivion. To this day none of them, NONE of them, can match the culture legacy and success of TOS. And its positive future, IMO, is the biggest reason why.

Shatner..Nimoy...legends...Stewart/Frakes/Brooks??? Fading names from fading shows..

Rob

 

[DarKush]

RS,

To my knowledge the Roddenberry Code wasn't in effect on TOS, but on TNG. All the Trek shows depicted a positive future and spin on humanity. None of the Trek shows are dystopian. However, I do feel that the Roddenberry Code attempted to make humans 'perfect', without flaws of interpersonal conflict which wasn't the case on TOS. I think it hampered writing and forced the writers to go outside for that needed conflict or bring in guest stars, who often were very memorable. Perfect humans are boring, its sterile. Having conflict doesn't mean that the future isn't positive.

Granted, TOS was the originator and had the biggest cultural impact, but that doesn't mean that the other Trek shows weren't relevant or that they will fade away necessarily. The other shows exist because of TOS's cultural impact and legacy. Almost all of them have been in syndication since their cancellations and the characters exists in novels and some in comics, etc.

To be fair, TOS never had real genre competition during its run and had a chance to grow and build a fan base for decades, when the other shows didn't. But each added something to Trek as a whole and have kept Trek alive for 40 plus years now.

 

[Whtstr314]

RS,

To my knowledge the Roddenberry Code wasn't in effect on TOS, but on TNG. All the Trek shows depicted a positive future and spin on humanity. None of the Trek shows are dystopian. However, I do feel that the Roddenberry Code attempted to make humans 'perfect', without flaws of interpersonal conflict which wasn't the case on TOS. I think it hampered writing and forced the writers to go outside for that needed conflict or bring in guest stars, who often were very memorable. Perfect humans are boring, its sterile. Having conflict doesn't mean that the future isn't positive.

Granted, TOS was the originator and had the biggest cultural impact, but that doesn't mean that the other Trek shows weren't relevant or that they will fade away necessarily. The other shows exist because of TOS's cultural impact and legacy. Almost all of them have been in syndication since their cancellations and the characters exists in novels and some in comics, etc.

To be fair, TOS never had real genre competition during its run and had a chance to grow and build a fan base for decades, when the other shows didn't. But each added something to Trek as a whole and have kept Trek alive for 40 plus years now.

Very succinctly put.

 

[Mistral]

For what its worth-this is the first time I am violently opposed to what RS stated. You are missing the bigger picture-all of it will be relevant as part of the phenomenon that is ST.

 

[sojourner]

I would go so far to say that Roddenberry missed out on something very important with his "no internal conflict" rule for TNG. Lack of conflict can only come from a lack of individualism. Individualism is inherent of the human condition.

Besides, we all saw how bad it made the first few seasons with everybody being a "Yes Man".

Just because people may disagree does not mean you cannot have the overall stories be optimistic.

 

[Myasishchev]

Interestingly, the premise as stated actually has an interpersonal conflict, the one between the captain and his XO.

I'd actually advise against the time travel thing, but you seem to like it, so to that effect I'll just say think about the setting. Get a realistic visual of the Alpha Cen star system (it's not as cool as you'd think). Either explain why Alpha Cen hasn't been colonized by others, or have the human newcomers dropping down on an already-colonized planet, making for some nice conflict between the humans and Andorians and/or Vulcans, or even, prefiguring the Federation, a conflict between class-based alliances of different species.

Also, characters drive story, not plot. At least so I've heard.

 

[Whtstr314]

Also, characters drive story, not plot. At least so I've heard.

Characters drive the plot in a lot of cases. You can have a precipitating event, but it's all about how your character reacts to that event.

 

[DarKush]

I would go so far to say that Roddenberry missed out on something very important with his "no internal conflict" rule for TNG. Lack of conflict can only come from a lack of individualism. Individualism is inherent of the human condition.

Besides, we all saw how bad it made the first few seasons with everybody being a "Yes Man".

Just because people may disagree does not mean you cannot have the overall stories be optimistic.

Definitely agree on the point about disagreements. To beat up on the Roddenberry Rule a bit more, I think it was really only in effect for just the first two seasons of TNG. After that you got the introduction of Barclay and Ro, which both added some internal conflict, and even more temporary crew like Jellico and Shelby which definitely added more conflict. In fact, all four of these characters stand out because of their effect on the TNG crew. Though granted the TNG crew largely remained harmonious except for the occasional alien possession.

On DS9 there was more internal conflict, VOY was premised on internal conflict from Starfleet and Maquis, and Earth v. Vulcan played a big part in ENT. As did the Spock-McCoy debates/arguments on TOS.

So I think the Roddenberry Rule has been overstated. As soon as Roddenberry gave up the reins on TNG it seemed like the writers began rejecting it. Perhaps not quite outright, but in each subsequent series they introduced the potential for greater conflict. That doesn't mean that all of the Rule was abandoned. I still think humans were largely portrayed as perfect in comparison to other species. But that's debatable too.

 

[CeJay]

I'm not so sure that the Roddenberry code means that there shouldn't be conflict between the characters. Character conflict is essential in any story and the Original Series thrived on it with the McCoy/Spock relationship.

I always understood Roddenberry's vision as a future in which humankind (and by extension the Federation) has conquered the basic evils and problems of the contemporary world, i.e. war, hunger, etc.

As for starship crews working harmonically like we've seen in The Next Generation, I would argue that that's nothing more than simple necessity. No ship works if the crew doesn't work well together, be that in Starfleet, the US Navy or wherever ... maybe different on a Klingon ship though ...

 

[sojourner]

^There's a difference between everyone working together and everyone being friends.