Movie Caption Contest #97: God Complex

[Rat Boy]

Not now, Madeline, because it's time for another caption contest. A lot of good entries to sort through, so first up, let's get the plank ready for...

For being insanely on fire this whole contest, our winner is...

Scotty: "I don't know about you, Assistant, but I've not taken a shit in several centuries ..."

For beating me to the punch, our winner is...

Riker: This ship's manifest kinda stinks, sir.
Picard: That's not the ship's manifest, Number One. It's the captain's toilet roll.

And for our non-scatological related caption, our winner is...

"Is it just me, sir, or does that statue get ever so slightly closer each time we turn away briefly?"

"You're paranoid, ensign".

And for our...er...illuminating Photoshop picture, our winner is...

JJ: Boom, rebooted. Where's my money?

Congratulations to the winners and here are our updated totals:

Nerys Myk (Hall of Fame) 42
Candlelight (Hall of Fame) 41
cooleddie74 (Hall of Fame) 32
Gertch (Hall of Fame) 25
Shatmandu (Hall of Fame) 24
The Laughing Vulcan (Hall of Fame) 21
Triskelion 17
Outpost4 16
Turd Ferguson 15
Diesel Micky Dolenz 13
middyseafort 13
Nebusj 11
scottydog 11
DS9Sega 11
EliyahuQeoni 10
BriGuy 9
zephramc 9
LeadHead 9
Kegek 8
cultcross 7
Tharpdevenport 7
John_Picard 6
Atavachron 6
Herkimer Jitty 6
SciFi75 5
Finn 5
The Cutest of Borg 5
Alrik 5
Skywalker 5
CaptainJon 4
Haggis and Tatties 4
NCC-1701 4
Defcon 4
Kirby 4
jptrekker 4
Bad Atom 4
Peach Wookie 4
TheGallifreyanSith 4
Sisu 3
David_Leese 3
archerguy1701 3
Starpaul20 3
ancient 3
chancellorjake 3
J. Allen 2
Arthur Frelling Dent 2
Lloyd_Dobbler 2
nil_jones 2
OphaClyde 2
Gagarin 2
casey 2
Redshirts Widow 2
Cky 2
Mistral 2
captain crow 2
thedude 2
cardinal biggles 1
Vasquez Rocks 1
Valin 1
Nathan_Heller 1
Guartho 1
Alyssa 1
A beaker full of death 1
rmkwebdesign 1
Starlock 1
Admiral Garak 1
Broccoli 1
Mister.Woof 1
The Squire of Gothos 1
A Chimpanzee & 2 Trainees 1
battrekker 1
DrBob 1
Sector7 1
USS Mariner 1
hmbnimbus 1
S'Kai 1
H F Mudd 1
dukesman 1
Fire 1
Super Grover 1
Johnnyracefan 1
SciFi75 1
jongredic 1
BriGuy 1
26138 1
Toban Kal 1
trilbymonkey 1
Will 1
Captain Mike 1
Civil Shadow 1
Piper 1
T'Boggan 1
Daneel 1
Dimesdan 1
shivkala 1
Deranged Nasat 1

This week, it's all about gods and men who think they are. First up, Kirk, Spock, McCoy, and Sybok realize they haven't found God when they discover that He isn't circumcised. Next, we have Patrick Stewart getting ticked off about his famous "The line must be drawn heeyah" getting parodied by Armin Shimmerman on DS9. Lastly, in honor Star Trek V's 20th anniversary, he's Bill Shatner's stuntman getting tugged around by very obvious wires. Have at:

 

[Rat Boy]

They were warned not to smoke around Scotty's meth lab.

Picard: "Look at what you made me do! Do you know how many hours I spent building those models?!"

Shatner: "Don't worry, we'll get it in post."

Nimoy: "Bill, this is post."

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Thanks for the win!

Kirk, Spock, McCoy, and Sybok see the initial reviews of Star Trek V: The Final Frontier.

 

[Rat Boy]

Sadly, this is the only take where Shatner's stuntman didn't ninja-kick Kelley and Nimoy in the head as he went flying backwards.

 

[Shatmandu]

Hey, a win!

Very cool.

Great source material and a boss on vacation make it easy to be on fire, sir.

Julia Roberts: "And the Oscar for 'Outstanding Work in Eyeline Maintenance' goes to ..."

Picard: "I specifically asked Madame Twila for a Beyonce-type."

Kirk: "What does God need with ILM?"

Picard: "When you do the prostate thing, go this far, no further."

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Voice: "KNEEEEEEELLLLL BEFORE ZOD!"
Spock: "Brother, did you ever get a wrong number!"

Lily: "Jean-Luc, there's something I've been meaning to tell you."
Picard: "Aw Jeez! Don't you start with that shit as well!"

23rd Century Endurance...

"Tonight on show, we have fat bald Starfleet Captain. Let's see if he can beat bungee cord of death. For Special Surprise, we have antimatter beam when he get to stone circle!"

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

In lieu of a legitimate effects company, William Shatner decided to let his ego play the role of Sha Ka Ree. George Takei was pissed that his own ego was once again upstaged by Shatner's.

Lily: Once you go black, Jean-Luc, you don't come back.

 

[Shatmandu]

God: "Who are you fat bastards? Where's Chris Pine and Syler?"

Picard: "Now, my penis is going to seem small compared to your usual suitors ..."

McCoy: "Why is God angry?"
God: "TekWar, for starters."

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

McCoy: "Why is God angry?"
God: "TekWar, for starters."

Kirk: "What happened to TJ Hooker?"
God: "God has final cut on this piece of shit movie."

 

[Triskelion]

McCoy: No, leave the proton packs on the ship, he says.

Picard: Do that eye thing again. It's creepy.
Lily: Ok, if you say Not now, Beverly again.

Shatner's hairpiece removal always held up the shooting schedule.

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Picard: Damnit, Lily. I'm sorry I called you Beverly in bed. Geez, the line must be drawn at some point don't you think?

 

[Crazy Eddie]

God: WHO HATH DIRECTED THIS AWFUL FILM?! WHO?!

Picard: You're saying YOU invented the warp engine? Not Doctor Cochrane?
Lilly: Doctor? He's a dentist. He couldn't warp a plastic spoon with a microwave.
Picard: Strange... why didn't you step forward and take credit for your invention?
Lilly: Because lynching isn't illegal anymore. Speaking of which, are you guys hiring right now?

Starfleet's first attempt at the "android captain" has the same design flaw as its computer consoles.

 

[Deranged Nasat]

"Good god...Shatner, it's...it's...your ego. Made manifest!!

Edit: (I just noticed a similarity to an earlier post by Middyseafort. Sorry if this comes too close to yours!!)

 

[Shatmandu]

Shatner: "So, we start working on T.J. Hooker: The Motion Picture here soon, and I ..."
<God voices his opinion on the prospects>

 

[Daneel]

McCOY: "My god Jim... the light... it's almost blinding."

KIRK: "First one to make a 'lens flare' joke gets three months in the brig."

PICARD: "The line must be drawn here! This far, no -- uh... hm. You've, uh, got a little something on your right cheek. I think it might be mustard. No, no, a little further from your mouth... down more... yes, that's it, you've got it. Now, umm... damn, that was distracting. What was I saying again?"

KIRK: "Alright Scotty, get ready to pull me back if this doesn't work. Okay, here goes: Care Bears Countdown, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1!"

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

"Good god...Shatner, it's...it's...your ego. Made manifest!!

Edit: (I just noticed a similarity to an earlier post by Middyseafort. Sorry if this comes too close to yours!!)

Like I said to Rat Boy in the last contest -- great minds, ya know. Simultaneous captions are just bound to happen with the great talent around these parts.

Kirk: Damnit, I'm the captain, not some stunt double!
McCoy: Hey, that's my line!

 

[Turd Ferguson]

"...the line must be drawn HEEEAAAAAHHHHHHH!"

"Ugh! Haven't you people in the 24th century ever heard of mouthwash?"

 

[Skywalker]

Kirk: "The Stay Puft Marshmallow Man?!"
McCoy: "It just popped in there!"

Kirk: "Spock, when someone asks if you're a god, you say 'YES'!"

 

[Shatmandu]

Picard, terrified: "I'm sorry for using that word. I've been listening to a lot of Rap since I've been here ..."

God: "Send down the Romulan woman. That's one hot piece of ass I made, huh?"

Shatner: "Yes, I write every word of my books, and ..."

Call sheet: "6am: Stunt Man with Double Chin."

 

[LeadHead]

Multi Cap

Spock: Holy Crap!
Sybok: Jesus Christ!
McCoy: Good Gravy!
Kirk: Son of a Bit-

(ZAP)
God: No Swearing!
Kirk: What about Sybok?! He used the Lords name in vain!
God: If I took that one seriously, I wouldn't be able to watch Monty Python and The Holy Grail!