Movie Caption Contest #97: God Complex
- Thread starter Rat Boy
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God: "YOU WANT TO KNOW, WHICH ONE GOT IT RIGHT? WELL NONE OF THEM REALLY?"
Sybok: "But my Lord, which was closest?"
God: "WHAT ARE MY CHOICES? CHRISTIANITY; ORTHODOX, CATHOLIC, PROTESTANT, ISLAM; SUFI, SUNNI, SHIA... VULCAN MYSTICISM, KLINGON BELIEF, BAJORAN, HINDU, JUDAISM... SOD IT, I'LL CUT TO THE CHASE, THE CLOSEST ANYONE EVER CAME TO THE TRUTH... THE CHURCH OF SCIENTOLOGY"
Kirk: "So what do you think guys, atheist?"
Spock: "Logical"
McCoy: "Damn straight."
Sybok: "Fuck this for a game of conkers!"
God: "GO AWAY! I'M NOT INTERESTED. CAN'T YOU READ THE SIGN, NO PEDLARS, CIRCULARS OR LEAFLETS!"
sound of door slamming and mumbling fading into distance
"FUCKING JEHOVAH'S WITNESSES!"
KIRK: "God, there's something I've always wanted to know: Why are you such an arrogant, vengeful prick in the Old Testament and a peaceful, loving guy in the New Testament?"
GOD: "Oh, I was diagnosed as bipolar around the beginning of the Common Era. The meds took care of that, but let me tell you, before the treatment? I did some fucking weird stuff, man. Flooding the Earth, turning people into salt... I think I might have even knocked up a virgin or two. Damn, those mood swings were killer."
God: "A son? Hell, no. Who told you that? As you can see from my record, I'm not too fond of kids."
God: "I'm not that pansy New Testament God, fellas. I'm the tight-assed, jealous, bitter, asshole Old Testament God."
Kirk: "Okay ..."
God: "You got any Buddhists on that ship of yours? I feel like smiting me some non-believers."
Voice: "... No, I'm Sauron. You want God, he's five stone circles down from here."
Voice: "Why you keep calling me Jésus? I look Puerto Rican to you?"
Kirk: "Guy back there called you Jésus."
Voice: "He didn't say Jésus. He said, "Hey, Zeus!" My name is Zeus."
Kirk: "Zeus?"
Voice: "Yeah, Zeus! As in, father of Apollo? Mt. Olympus? Don't fuck with me or I'll shove a lightning bolt up your ass? Zeus! You got a problem with that?"
Kirk: "No, I don't have a problem with that. Jeezus"
Zeus: "I warned him!"
Picard: "Fifty bucks seems kinda pricey for just a little sucky-sucky."
Picard (cont'd): Besides we don't use money in the 24th century. You do best to just go down there anyway and better yourself.
"Dammit, Lily...this is NO time to be asking me to rub my bald head all over your breasts!!
LATER, perhaps!!!"
SYBOK:"Someone's GOT to fix that gas leak before someone gets hurt."
Sybok: Do you know the way to San Jose?
McCoy: I thought we were goin' to Pismo Beach.
Spock: Either way we should've made that left at Albuquerque.
Kirk: Oh, leave me alone. We're asking for directions already!
PICARD: "Jungle Fever? Um, I'm sorry, I'm not familiar with that term. It must be something that no longer exists in my time, so no, I don't imagine I have it. Why do you ask?"
Spike Lee directs Star Trek!
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