Movie Caption Contest #80: Don't Look Now

[Shatmandu]

Kirk: "Oh, you're not my only ex-Yeoman to ever melt a guy."

Doohan: "'Boost your matter gain' was originally my line *sob*."

Kirk: "If you're going to mess up and put a guy's butthole on his forehead, you should at least have the strength to watch ..."

Kirk: "Let's beam up the costume designer next."

 

[Alrik]

Kirk: "My god Scotty. What have I done?"

Scott: "Ye've done what ye always do....

Ye fucked up and now yer gunna finda way to cover yer ass and come out lookin like a goddam hero. Ye shit."

 

[Rat Boy]

Riker: "You know, seeing him look into a scope sticking his ass out reminds me of someone."

Troi: "Who, T'Pol?"

Riker: "No, Spock."

*Geordi backs away uncomfortably*

 

[Candlelight]

Bald guy (thinking): "Poor guys.... I feel sorry for their families"
Scotty (thinking): "Poor laddies... I hope they weren't in too much pain"
Rand (thining): "Poor crew members... I hope this accident never happens again"
Kirk (thinking): "For shit's sake, Sonak was gonna bring that 50 credits he owed me to the bar later, now who will pay for all my roofie colada's?"

 

[Candlelight]

The judges on Starfleet Idol were trying to come up with a tactful way to respond to the latest wannabe. Guest judge Rand however already had her response in mind.

"Well... that's my weekly turn at the transporter. Can I try the warp drive next?"
"No laddie, she's working perfectly fine. You'll probably cock it up and put us on a collision course with an asteroid or something"

 

[Mistral]

"Kirk to McKinley Station-is that the last of them?"

"Ah, negative, Captain Kirk. We have two more. A guy named Berman and another named Braga."

Kirk: "Scotty, you know what to do..."

Rand: "I can't watch!"

Scotty: "Lassie, these two guys know all about turning something inside out and upside down. This shouldn't bother'em in the slightest."

 

[Candlelight]

"Commander Sonak may be the first Vulcan hairdresser in Starfleet but please Rand, let him have five minutes on the ship before asking for him to cut yours"

 

[tharpdevenport]

Riker: "Unfortunately, 'Uranus' jokes have been told for so many centuries, they're just not funny anymore. How's that new eye shadow you just applied? he he he."

 

[Rat Boy]

Real reason why the transporter failed? Rand was too busy looking for her contact lens.

 

[Candlelight]

"Ensign IT, well spotted, they ARE both dead. You'll make a fine lieutenant with eyes like that"

"Geordi... what have I said about practical jokes on away missions?"

 

[Turd Ferguson]

"Starfleet. Kirk. Please send my condolences to the families. No. Of the dead ones. And for the last goddamn time, Yeoman, it's a schooner."

"So... this ship in on some kind of... Enterprise."

 

[Nerys Myk]

"Hey Archie, come here. Betty and Veronica are wearing bikinis!"

 

[Vassa]

Rand: Oh how horrible! The new science officer died a horrendous death! I guess Spock will have join us now. I'll call him.

Kirk: Works every time.
Scotty: Aye, Cap'n. It's nothing short of a miracle that starfleet hasn't caught on.
Nero (thinking) : So that's what really happened to grandpa!! You'll pay for this Kirk!!

 

[Vassa]

Cochrane: Wow! Do you know how slow that thing has to be moving to stay visible in my telescope for this long?

Geordi: 'In Orbit' has a different meaning in 24th century.

 

[Shatmandu]

<Three Stooges style:>
Chad: "Hellooo ..."
Scotty: "Hellooooo ..."
Kirk: "Hellooooooooooooo ..."
Sonak: "HellIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENONONOEEEHHGURGLEGURGLE ..."

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Earth base: "Enterprise, we're losing their signal."
Rand thinking "Not a problem, increase power to the pattern buffers, stabilise the signal by using Enterprise mainframe as backup. Emergency protocol 105B, set coils to feedback mode, reboot phase inducers, switch to secondary transporter systems, cycle mains for glitches, switch back to mains and then restart materialisation sequence. Above all, do not boost matter gain."

Kirk shoving her out the way: "Starfleet, boost your matter gain."

...
...
...

Kirk: "There was nothing you could have done Rand, it's not your fault."

Rand: "Fucker!"

Riker: "Was this the guy who copped a feel in the bar earlier?"
Troi: "Yes, that's him."
Riker: "Geordi, commence the buggering."
LaForge: "Commence buggering, aye."

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Cochrane: "Check out the nacelles on that. I swear I'm getting a boner."
LaForge: "Boner? I'm not detecting any fractures."
Cochrane: "Don't men in the future get hard-ons?"
Riker: "Yes, I do."
Troi: "No, you don't."
Riker: "Deanna!"
Troi: "We used to call it Mr Floppy."
Riker: "Deanna!"
Troi: "Worf never had that problem."
Riker: "Deanna!"
Troi: "Tom never had that problem."
Riker: "Deanna!"
Troi: "We used to say, 'will Mr Floppy come out to play today?', but he never did."

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Kirk: Rand... it was your fault.


-or-

Kirk: Still useless, Rand. Still useless.
Scotty: Aye, Lass, that you are.

Cochrane: I spy with my little eye a spaceship on some sort of star trek.

 

[Shatmandu]

Kirk: "And he didn't even have on a red shirt. Huh."

 

[cooleddie74]

SCOTTY:"Ye can turn around and look now, lass.

Commander Sonak's stopped bubbling and steaming."