Movie Caption Contest #80: Don't Look Now

[Rat Boy]

You can go ahead and spit that swill out, since it's time for another contest. First up, let's pour victory champagne and Gatorade all over...

First up, for the picture of Kirk waiting for the best opportunity to shatter his glass and cut a Klingon, our winner is...

Kirk, in his old age and decreasing mental health had taken to eating glass for pleasure.

And for the picture of Data realizing that he's allergic to prunes, our winner is...

Guinan: "There are better ways to say 'I'm enjoying the drink' than jerking off, Data."

And the Photoshop winner:

"Oh no it's whats-his-name, the guy that doesn't shut up. Oh crap, he's coming over here, quick data, more away from the bar, move away from- hey... captain, how's it going?"

Finally, an award for dragging in a picture from another caption contest:

Data: We have room for several more semen jokes.
Geordi: Yeah! Guinan has about half a pitcher still...where did she get it all, though?
Guinan: ...

Congratulations to the winners and here are our totals:

Nerys Myk (Hall of Fame) 38
Candlelight (Hall of Fame) 34
cooleddie74 (Hall of Fame) 27
Gertch (Hall of Fame) 24
Shatmandu 19
The Laughing Vulcan 17
Outpost4 15
Triskelion 13
Turd Ferguson 13
Nebusj 11
scottydog 11
Diesel Micky Dolenz 11
EliyahuQeoni 10
BriGuy 9
Kegek 8
zephramac 8
middyseafort 8
cultcross 7
DS9Sega 7
John_Picard 6
Tharpdevenport 6
Atavachron 6
Herkimer Jitty 6
LeadHead 6
SciFi75 5
Finn 5
The Cutest of Borg 5
CaptainJon 4
Haggis and Tatties 4
Skywalker 4
NCC-1701 4
Defcon 4
Kirby 4
jptrekker 4
Bad Atom 4
Sisu 3
David_Leese 3
archerguy1701 3
Starpaul20 3
ancient 3
chancellorjake 3
Peach Wookie 3
J. Allen 2
Arthur Frelling Dent 2
SeerSGB 2
Lloyd_Dobbler 2
nil_jones 2
OphaClyde 2
Gagarin 2
casey 2
Redshirts Widow 2
Cky 2
Mistral 2
Alrik 2
cardinal biggles 1
Vasquez Rocks 1
Valin 1
Nathan_Heller 1
Guartho 1
Alyssa 1
A beaker full of death 1
rmkwebdesign 1
Starlock 1
Admiral Garak 1
Broccoli 1
Mister.Woof 1
The Squire of Gothos 1
A Chimpanzee & 2 Trainees 1
battrekker 1
DrBob 1
Sector7 1
USS Mariner 1
hmbnimbus 1
S'Kai 1
H F Mudd 1
dukesman 1
Fire 1
Super Grover 1
Johnnyracefan 1
SciFi75 1
jongredic 1
BriGuy 1
26138 1
Toban Kal 1
trilbymonkey 1
Will 1

This week, our first picture shows Kirk and Scotty wondering if it was such a good idea to promote Rand to transporter chief. Our second shows the great Zefram Cochrane falling for one of the oldest gags in the books. Happy captioning.

 

[Rat Boy]

Perhaps her first mistake was not realizing that the transporter console was actually behind her.

Cochrane: "I love a good peep...oh my God, what is that?!"

Riker: "Geordi, what did you do?"

La Forge: "I aimed it at Dr. Crusher's quarters."

Cochrane: "Well, looks like you guys managed to invent artificial gravity by the 24th Century."

 

[BriGuy]

Scotty: See, I told ya the "remove clothing" feature would work on this model transporter.

 

[scottydog]

Cochrane: "Yep. I can see Babe the Pig on Earth from here."

Geordi: "Should we tell him?"

Riker: "Nah. He'll find out about his wife's weight gain soon enough."

 

[Mistral]

Cochrane: "My God! That thing is huge!"

Geordi: "Yes, the Enterprise is a very large ship."

Cochrane: "I was talking about your doctor's ass!"

 

[Rat Boy]

Cochrane: "Well, there are two Banthas down there but I don't see any...wait a second. They're Sand People, all right; I can see one of them now..."

Sand Person: "Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrr!"

 

[Shatmandu]

A win! Thanks very much!

Kirk: "It wasn't your fault, Rand."
<Rand nods.>
Kirk: "It was your incompetence and excessive drinking."

Cochrane: "All I see is a bald asswipe quoting Moby Dick."

Scotty: "Hey, I could go for some Vulcan Fondue right now ..."

 

[Rat Boy]

Cochrane: "All I see is a bald asswipe quoting Moby Dick."

La Forge: "I told you we shouldn't have hired Grignak to replace Guinan."

 

[cooleddie74]

KIRK:"Janice.

PLEASE.

Go to a ladies' restroom and do that."

COCHRANE:"Yep.

Looks like a huge asteroid barreling right for us.

WELL.

Who wants to blow me first?"

 

[Admiral Bear]

At least the remake of Friday the 13th was too scary for someone.

Chochrane: Hey guys, did you know this thing looks in to the future? *sniggers* In 7 years time, you're gonna make one hell of shit movie.

 

[zephramc]

Cochrane: "My God! That thing is huge!"

Geordi: "Yes, the Enterprise is a very large ship."

Cochrane: "I was talking about your doctor's ass!"

Cochrane: "My God! That thing is huge!"

Geordi: "Yes, the Enterprise is a very large ship."

Cochrane: "I was talking about your captain's ego."

 

[Shatmandu]

Kirk: "Attention to detail hasn't improved over the years, I see, eh Rand?"

Kirk: "For a second there, the melty lady looked like a jellyfish being I once cornholed on Rigel IV."

Kirk: "Who knew a melting Vulcan would smell like a Hot Pocket?"

Earth Station: "What we got back didn't live long ... fortunately."
Kirk: "Did Sonak tell you where he put my keys?"

 

[cooleddie74]

SCOTTY:"We didn't have the heart to fire the lass when she went blind, sir."

RIKER:"See her yet?"

COCHRANE:"The huge spaceship with the rocket-looking nacelles?"

TROI:"Yes. That's the Enterprise."

GEORDI:"Impressed?"

COCHRANE:"Nope. I'm a perverted alcoholic."

 

[cooleddie74]

KIRK:"DO something!!!"

SCOTTY:"I cannae, sir! Janice spilled her mocha latte on the control panel!"

 

[Nerys Myk]

KIRK: Dammit Rand! You can't hit abort everytime you think it's my evil double materializing!

 

[Shatmandu]

Kirk: "Hope you suck dick better than you run a Transporter, Janice."

Chad the Transporter Second: "Oops. Thorry."

Kirk: "Commander Sonak's family can be contacted through the Vulcan Embassy. And he had a little black girl all set up in an apartment down in the the Mission District."

Kirk: "Starfleet, you think now maybe you folks will rethink giving Transporter Chief jobs to the girlfriends of Admiral Nagura?"

Rand: "I picked a bad day to stop snorting meth."

 

[scottydog]

Kirk: "So it is possible to beam the fat off of us."

 

[Candlelight]

Kirk: "Commander Sonak's comedy routine is shite"
Scotty: "But sir, he's dying!"
Kirk: "Then he should get some new material"

Geordi: "What's a 'peep show' commander?"
Riker: "An old Earth show where men look at women not dressed in much and performing provocatively. Don't worry, it's just the Enterprise-"
Cochrane: "Look at those tits!"
Riker: "...or maybe not"

 

[Shatmandu]

Scotty: "Maybe beaming McCoy up without his clothes was a bad idea."

Cochran: "There's a black guy with fake ridges on his forehead walking on the ship. Is that bad?"

Kirk: "Don't take it hard, Rand: you win some, you melt some."

Starfleet: "Boosting our matter gain caused the problem. What asshole suggested that?"

Grace Lee Whitney: "Gee, maybe my cameo could have been me killing a puppy or something."

 

[Rat Boy]

Earth Station: "What we got back didn't live long ... fortunately."
Kirk: "Did Sonak tell you where he put my keys?"

Earth Station: "Sure, if you feel like digging them out of melted Vulcan."