Movie Caption Contest #197: Technical Difficulties

[Mr Silver]

A new week, a new caption contest. After a TMP rewatch, I think we'll try one of those! But first things first....

The "...and a Michelob" award for shameless advertising goes to

MENTOS

The Positronic Freshmaker (TM)

The award for "Colourful Metaphors" and use of a recurring gag goes to...

Kirk: "And that's how a proper hand-job is done..."

Kamarag: "That's the wrong video, you idiot!"

Because 9 violations of Starfleet law just ain't enough, the kitchen sink award goes to...

Klingon Ambassador: "...and furthermore, I blame Kirk personally for this case of jazz hands!"

Well done to all the winners, now onto this weeks critical failures...

Kirk is surprised that the Enterprise's refitted computer didn't recieve faster broadband...

While Windows Vista's abundance in glitches makes Spock arrive at an illogical conclusion...

And Picard destroys his trophy cabinet after lag prevents him reaching a 25 streak on Modern Warfare 147.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Kirk: "Spock, I hate to bring this up, but...with these new uniforms, it's very obvious and very disturbing to the crew when you dress both left and right!"

Spock: "How do I feel? Why, with my fingers, of course!"
Sarek (OS behind Spock): "Ha! Good one!"

Picard: "Godammit, I paid for transparent aluminum! Does this look like transparent aluminum to you!"

 

[inflatabledalek]

Kirk: Wait, Decker shagged Ilia? I'm the one who gets the totty round here. Better arrange an accident for him like I did for his Dad...

Spock: I hate it when the guy from work you don't like friend requests you.

Picard: So according to that nice David Dickinson in the advert they'll buy any gold... right, break out the models and shove them in an envelope quick.

 

[Mistral]

Spock was studying The Complete Words of Wisdom by Travis Mayweather as part of his re-education.

 

[Maurice]

KIRK: Spock, why are you on the viewscreen?
SPOCK: You're facing the wrong way, Captain Magoo.
KIRK: Uh oh, better get some Retinax 5...

Nimoy reviews his lines in the first draft of Star Trek V.

LILY: Wait, so you have forcefields for windows and glass for this?
PICARD: We have glass for only the things we want to break dramatically!

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Picard: "Who the hell does Riker think he is, picking the Sports Car! I'm the captain; I use the Sports Car! Well, I'll show him! Let's just see how impressive the ol' 1701 looks on the Monopoly board!"

 

[Nerys Myk]

PICARD: Those sons of bitches didnt include an NX-01 model!!!!!

 

[Ziriath]

Spock's pay rise request was denied, but at least he got a second monitor and some black plastic film to cover windows in his office, so now he can feel like an evil scientist in his den.

After a while:
SPOCK (from somewhere outside): 'MuhahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!'
KIRK: 'Who the hell got a second flat monitor in his office?'

 

[Ziriath]

''Follow the white rabbit?' What the hell?'

 

[Nerys Myk]

SPOCK: Baby's good to me you know,
She's happy as can be you know,
She said so
I'm in love with her and I feel fine
Baby says she's mine you know,
She tells me all the time you know,
She said so
I'm in love with her and I feel fine
I'm so glad that she's my little girl
She's so glad, she's telling all the world
That her baby buys her things you know.
He buys her diamond rings you know,
She said so
She's in love with me and I feel fine, MMM
Baby says she's mine you know,
She tells me all the time you know,
She said so
I'm in love with her and I feel fine
I'm so glad that she's my little girl
She's so glad, she's telling all the world
That her baby buys her things you know.
He buys her diamond rings you know,
She said so
She's in love with me and I feel fine
She's in love with me and I feel fine,.

COMPUTER: Must be that damn haircut.

 

[Deranged Nasat]

Picard:

"Now I go smashing windows,
To give the film some groove,
For a pissed-off frenchman it's an interesting move

In my vengeance I'll work hard
And I'lll never stop
I'll crush these blinking cyborgs
'Till I've pulvarized the lot!

Now it's a subplot that suits me
A crazed avenger you would be
If you could see what I can see
When I'm smashing windows!"

 

[LeadHead]

Kirk: Holy Crap Spock! Hurry up! Unlike the rest of the movie, this scene moves fast!

Computer: You've Got Mail.

Frakes: CUT! Patrick, that glass was really expensive!

 

[Rat Boy]

Kirk: "Spock, transmit now!"

Spock: "Sorry, Captain. The little beach ball has appeared."

Spock: "Pffffffft. When I was a kid, these screens were as big as my room."

Data (off camera): "Captain, I found the key to...never mind."

 

[JarodRussell]

Kirk (astonished): So that's how a proper handjob is done!

 

[Nerys Myk]

TAKEI (whispering): Look Walter, three asses.

 

[Kirby]

Spock: PC load letter? What the fuck is PC load letter?

 

[Mr Silver]

Spock: What are Amazon recommendations?

 

[Finn]

Uhura: Sweetie Pie, we are still waiting for you. Come on down!

Spock: One damned minute, woman!

 

[Candlelight]

"Spock, transmit now"

"Sorry Admiral, I'm in the process of switching to Geico and it's actually taking a while"

Spock tried to understand Final Cut Pro X but, like the rest of the world, he agreed that Apple really fucked up on this one.

On label on top of cabinet: "In case of emergency, or to emphasise a dramatic point, break glass"

 

[Vassa]

Ooh neat! Flat panels.