Movie Caption Contest #164: Bigwigs

[Rat Boy]

Wake up, because it's time for another caption contest. Let's shoot blindly at...

Looks like somebody shouldn't have gone camping near Area 51...

Kirk: "Oh not more anal probing"
*Sulu beams down*

From the producers of Snakes on a Plane...

In a world...
Where former stars are desperate for any part that comes their way...
One man...
Will boldly go where no self-respecting actor has gone before.

This summer, George Takei is...
HOBO WITH A PHASER.

And of course there's also the touch of lower back pain and the steel grip around his trachea, but you have to prioritize...

SYBOK: Your pain...share it with me!!!

KIRK: You're...standing...on...my...GROIN...

Congratulations to the winners. This week, Spock chairs a seminar on Starfleet's latest sexual harassment policies, the president and his staff are about five seconds from opening a window, and because of Kirk's wandering eyes, peace with the Klingons won't happen until the Battle of Narendra III. Have fun:

 

[Rat Boy]

Cartwright: "I must protest!"

CINC: "Why? You don't think peace with the Klingons is a good idea?"

Cartwright: "That and Captain Spock isn't wearing any pants!"

Spock: "It's true."

Sarek: "Why is it whenever someone lets out a fart at these meetings you all look it me?"

President: "Well it's obviously not me. My species doesn't have an anus."

Klingon bodyguard (thinking): Can we hurry this along? I've got this itch on my junk and it's driving me crazy.

 

[cooleddie74]

Thanks for the win!

C-in-C: "Lemme see a show of hands...who here thinks Admiral Cartwright's wife is lousy in bed?"

SAREK(thinking)

Good. Nobody suspects.

The Shir'Kahr Inquisition is about to commence.

AZETBUR: You have restored my father's faith.

KIRK: And you've shown me I can get aroused over Klingon chicks.

 

[Aragorn]

Commander in Chief: "Tyler Perry as part of Starfleet Command? Don't make me laugh. The only way that could ever happen is in an alternate universe where they don't give a second thought to promoting cadets to starship captain."

It was only the first day on the set, and Kim Cattrall was already regretting being the only original cast member to sign up for Sex and the City: The Next Generation, and she didn't know if she could go through with the senior citizen orgy scene.

 

[cooleddie74]

C-in-C: "Alright...guess we're done here.

Who's up for some good old-fashioned Mongolian and Viking food?

I'm buying!!"

KIRK: Nice outfit.

AZETBUR: Nice girdle.

 

[Itisnotlogical]

Cartwright: Suuuuure.
The BLACK GUY sits in the corner.

As Kirk stares down the Klingon chick's dress, he thinks to himself: "Now I remember why we went to war with these people."

 

[Jonas Grumby]

CINC: "I'm sorry, but this council only has authority over Starfleet policies and operations. You'll have to contact Lunar Disney directly to get your tickets refunded. Next question?"

President: "Alright, gentlemen, this meeting is in order. And--refresh my memory--whose turn was it to bring the pizza this time?"

Azetbur: "So you're Captain Kirk! My generals tell me you are the Klingon Empire's greatest enemy. A man without honor or decency!"
Kirk: "Oh, yeah? Well, my communications officer makes you look like a boy!"

 

[Candlelight]

CINC: "I'm sorry, that's not correct. I thought with our location on the wall behind us it would be an easy one. Next question?"

"Yes, he is peeing, and I'm next."

 

[T'Girl]

Sarek: "Why is it whenever someone lets out a fart at these meetings you all look it me?"

President: "Well it's obviously not me. My species doesn't have an anus."

SAREK (thinking) **I thought your race were anus's**

SAREK (thinking) Good. Nobody suspects. The Shir'Kahr Inquisition is about to commence.

Anonymous (OS): "I wasn't expecting the Shir'Kahr Inquisition!"

Serak: "No one expects the Shir'Kahr Inquisition."

Spock:

"To my right is the Chief of Staff and the Commander in Chief,

to my left is Admiral Cartwright and of course Ensign Travis Mayweather."

 

[UssGlenn]

President: What is it Sarek?

Sarek: It is strange, Mr. President. I have the unmistakable impression that we should be in the presence of an El Aurian bartender.

 

[Nerys Myk]

CINC: Oh, and we're reopening the matter of your Kobayashi Maru Test, Kirk....

SAREK( thinking): Did I forget to feed the Sehlat this morning?

KIRK: So what's the deal? I thought you Klingon chicks were all about the cleavage and pushup bras!

 

[Smellincoffee]

"In academic vernacular, Admiral Kirk, you cheated."

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Spock: "Now this first SLIIIDE... shows a very, very interesting thing: our main building. On slide... TWO! We see other view... of... IT! Oh, my God, you wouldn't believe it!"

CinC: "If Lieutenant Valeris would stop bucking for a promotion..."

SAREK( thinking): "He never has two cups of coffee at home..."

Azetbur: "A Vulcan traitor in handcuffs? Oh you shouldn't have."

Kirk: "There was one in the boutique and I just couldn't resist."

 

[Yeoman Randi]

SAREK( thinking): "He never has two cups of coffee at home..."

You're killing me this morning!!!!!

 

[Alrik]

CinC: "C'mon Jim. What's the worst that could happen? It's not like Enterprise is going to open fire on the Chancellor's ship and then beem crew over to assassinate him or something."

Cartwright: *spit take*

SAREK( thinking): 'The screen is pixelated. You would think that the President or the UFP would know that it takes a HDMI cable to make it fully Hi-Def.'

Azetbur: "Eyes are up here Captain, up here."

Kirk: "Sorry, old habbit."

 

[Candlelight]

CinC: "Commander in Chief. What the hell did you think it stood for?"
Kirk: "Cock in Caroline?"

Sarek: "When all this is over I'm gonna get that Valeris, put her over my knee and spank the living-"
President: "Keep it down Sarek, some of us prefer to stay quiet during the porno."

Kirk: "Yep, all evidence rests with her. That's why we brought her down here before capturing the assassin. I think- oh no wait..."

 

[Captain Crow]

Kirk: Nice rack.

[zipper sound from podium]

 

[Maurice]

CinC: Admiral Kirk...you are the Weakest Link!

SAREK: But the inspectors found no evidence of WMDs on...
PRESIDENT: Quiet! I'm the decider! And I decide they gots em!

KIRK: Unlike you Klingon bastards, we don't use "extraordinary" measures to get information.
SPOCK: Er...AHEM...

 

[Isis]

Spock: "Gentlemen, I detect a noxious odor that no doubt was released from someone's posterior. Will the responsible party admit his or her error?"

Kirk: "Oh Spock, you know whoever smelt it dealt it."

 

[Nerys Myk]

AZETBUR: Whats with the blank mindless stare?

KIRK: Valaris is suffering the after effects of a mindmeld.

AZETBUR: I was talking about you.