Movie Caption Contest #151: Daddy Issues

[Rat Boy]

Get off the bar, because it's time for another caption contest. First, let's follow around...

For demonstrating that "talent" is a relative term, our winner is...

The judges of America's Got Talent were split on the most recent contestant. Howie Mandel was totally enraptured but Sharon Osborne made no attempt to hide her revulsion.

For another of life's little annoyances, our winner is...

KIRK: Stop whining, Spock.

EVERYONE loses a few Facebook friends every now and then. It's the way of the universe.

And for demonstrating that Sulu is quite the talented and well-rounded pilot, our winner is...

Sulu: (winks) "I flew something similar back in my Academy days...."

Finally, our Photoshop winner explains that in Spock's case, surely it is the worst of times...

Kirk: Cheer up Birthday Boy

Spock: *Grumbles* I hate you Jim

Congratulations to the winners. First up this week, Gorkon catches Spock playing footsie with Azetbur under the table. Next, it's the return of Bitsy Picard! And lastly, Kirk wonders if the Nexus will let him undo the mistake of backing over Butler with his hover-pickup truck. Have at:

 

[Rat Boy]

Gorkon: "...and then the maid told me she was pregnant and so...whoops, I said too much."

*Azetbur spit-take*

Bitsy: "Papa, Pierre's playing with my Barbie even though you got him the GI Joe."

Picard: "What kind of fantasy family is this?"

Soran (off camera): "And I would have gotten away with it if it wasn't for you meddling captains and your dog!"

Scooby-Doo: "Scooby, Scooby-Dooooooooooooooo!"

 

[TeaKirk]

Kirk: Hey Scooby
Dog: *Says to himself* My name is marmaduke!, you fathead

 

[T'Girl]

Kirk: "Picard! Take those eggs off, I've found something better to eat."

Picard: "Yummm, brains."

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Gorkon: Forget Shakespeare. You haven't lived until you have read Jacqueline Susan and Harold Robinson in the original Klingon.
Spock: Ah, the Giants!

Bitsy: Papa, why does mama say I'm really the daughter of that Crusher bitch?

Kirk: Butler, why the hell do you have peanut butter all over your tongue?
Antonia (off-cam): Well, I'd have had you lick it off but Butler got to it first.

 

[Rat Boy]

Butler: "Woof, woof!"

Kirk: "Spock's trapped in a well. Again."

 

[Nerys Myk]

KIRK: Don't look Butler! For God's sake don't look!

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Spock: "The eighties called, Michael Jackson wants his wardrobe back."

Director os: "Cut! For the fiftieth time, Cut! I... Just... Take five..."
Overacting brat: "This is too much! I can't work under these conditions. Who is this hack? Where's some professionalism? I want my agent. Where's my agent?"
Stewart: "Your agent... I mean your mother is in the back, blowing the producer... How do you think you haven't been fired yet?"

Kirk: "You say this nexus of yours brings to life my dreams, creates my perfect world, lets me relive those moments that I want to live over again, but better."

Picard: "Exactly, but none of it is real."

Kirk: "So all those green women I slept with, all those Argelian hookers... and I imagine my dog? I call bullshit."

 

[Candlelight]

"Daddy, why is Rat Boy using the same image from a caption competition from several weeks ago? Is Star Trek repeating that much?"
"Don't worry, I doubt anyone will remember, it's not like anyone would keep any photoshopped images in their bucket account-"

"Bitch."

EDIT: Ok, maybe slightly different!

 

[Rat Boy]

Gorkon: "And as far as I know, she's still a virgin."

Chang (off camera): *cough* "Bullshit!" *cough*

Bitsy Picard: "Father, was I...?"

Picard: "Stop that! Just because this is a high-def screencap instead of a low-def one doesn't give you the excuse to start that bullshit again. And by the way, yes you were. I happen to love the Mile High Club."

Kirk: "Some fantasy. He still has the tumor on his ear that I was too cheap to have removed and eventually had to put him down."

 

[LeadHead]

Gorkon: So anyway that's why we tried to Invade Organia, now as for why we wanted to poison the colonists on Sherman's Planet...

Picard: I hope you like your present. It was very difficult to scrape up the 10 bucks to buy it.

Kirk: Butler, how can you be here?

Butler: You sold the house to me. Now either feed me or get out.

 

[Nerys Myk]

SPOCK: How much for the little girl... the women ... how much for the women?

GORKON: What ... ?

SPOCK: Your women... I want to buy your women... the girl... your two daughters... sell them to me... sell me your children....

 

[Nerys Myk]

BITSY: Whats with this Dickens crap? I though we were French! How about some Victor fraking Hugo!!??

 

[Rat Boy]

Bitsy: "But Papa, I wanted a baby sister for Christmas."

Picard: "And maybe you would have if your mother would stop faking headaches whenever I was feeling randy."

 

[Candlelight]

Picard (thinking): "My darling daughter... I wonder what wonders will come from her lips today..."

Bitsy: "Aw Gordon Bennett! I gone an' bleedin' shit meself!"

 

[Nerys Myk]

MAITRE D' WILLIAM: Keep an eye ont his table Festus. They tried to skip last week.

 

[Nerys Myk]

GORKON: I have to admit you Starfleeters know how to party!

 

[nil_jones]

Spock: Chancellor, OF COURSE there are drugs in the Romulan Ale; you think your daughter would fuck up eye-liner that badly?

Daughter: Papa, exactly why is there there a lactating breast on my left shoulder?

Picard: This really IS Heaven.

Kirk: Butler...did you just eat Spock? Damnit, why did they make EVERYBODY'S uniforms red?

 

[Rat Boy]

Azetbur: "If you could only hear yourselves. 'Tittie bars.' Why the very name is sexist. It seems the Federation's nothing more than a heterosexual male's only club."

Kirk (off camera): "Hey, we let Sulu in!"

Uhura (off camera): "Asshole's ignoring me again."

 

[Mistral]

Kirk: "It's called a mind-meld! Would you just hold still! How am I supposed to know what you're trying to tell me?"

Butler: *You left your jacket outside, numbnuts.*