Movie Caption Contest #117: The Parent Trap

[Rat Boy]

No, no, I'll be sure to call you soon, because it's time for another caption contest. First, let's all awkwardly hug...

Money can't buy you love, but it can by a win for the following...

Waiter: Who gets the bad news?

Gillian: Don't tell me they don't have money in the 23rd Century.

Kirk: No, you just haven't invented Debit Cards yet.

And for the post that launched a thousand quotes to the point where the BBS couldn't keep up, our winner is...

Riker: "How about a little role-play sex? Spice things up."
Troi: "Sure! You be Worf, and I'll be me."
<His smile fades. He exits, frowning.>

And for the caption contest equivalent of a Rorschach test, our winner is...

"Gaila and I are getting married. Once we finish this mission to Vulcan we're gonna steal a shuttle and head for somewhere quiet. I only hope she got my message about the dodgy shields aboard the Farragut."

"She's fucked"

"I know, but she's so hot"

And our Photoshop winner, who proves that Admiral Nogura was feeling a bit generous...

GILLIAN: Well this is a bit awkward.

KIRK: Tell me about it.

Congratulations to the winners and here's our updated totals:

Candlelight (Hall of Fame) 55
Nerys Myk (Hall of Fame) 53
cooleddie74 (Hall of Fame) 44
Shatmandu (Hall of Fame) 33
Gertch (Hall of Fame) 26
The Laughing Vulcan (Hall of Fame) 24
middyseafort (Hall of Fame) 23
Triskelion (Hall of Fame) 23
Outpost4 (Hall of Fame) 21
Turd Ferguson 17
Diesel Micky Dolenz 14
scottydog 14
LeadHead 14
Skywalker 13
Alrik 13
Nebusj 12
DS9Sega 11
zephramc 11
EliyahuQeoni 10
Herkimer Jitty 10
BriGuy 9
Tharpdevenport 9
Kirby 9
Kegek 8
cultcross 7
John_Picard 7
Atavachron 6
jptrekker 6
captain crow 6
TheGallifreyanSith 6
SciFi75 5
Finn 5
The Cutest of Borg 5
Bad Atom 5
Daneel 5
Deranged Nasat 5
CaptainJon 4
Haggis and Tatties 4
NCC-1701 4
Defcon 4
Peach Wookie 4
Mistral 4
Woulfe 4
Piper 4
B.J. 4
Starpaul20 4
Sisu 3
David_Leese 3
archerguy1701 3
ancient 3
chancellorjake 3
Amasov 3
SalvorHardin 3
Hartzilla2007 3
Classic Fan 3
M'Sharak 3
Civil Shadow 3
The Squire of Gothos 3
J. Allen 2
Arthur Frelling Dent 2
Lloyd_Dobbler 2
nil_jones 2
OphaClyde 2
Gagarin 2
casey 2
Redshirts Widow 2
Cky 2
thedude 2
S'Kai 2
seigezunt 2
trampledamage 2
protocida 2
BriGuy 2
26138 2
USS Bones 2
cardinal biggles 1
Vasquez Rocks 1
Valin 1
Nathan_Heller 1
Guartho 1
Alyssa 1
A beaker full of death 1
rmkwebdesign 1
Starlock 1
Admiral Garak 1
Broccoli 1
Mister.Woof 1
A Chimpanzee & 2 Trainees 1
battrekker 1
DrBob 1
Sector7 1
USS Mariner 1
hmbnimbus 1
H F Mudd 1
dukesman 1
Fire 1
Super Grover 1
Johnnyracefan 1
SciFi75 1
jongredic 1
Toban Kal 1
trilbymonkey 1
Will 1
Captain Mike 1
T'Boggan 1
Dimesdan 1
shivkala 1
KirkusOveractus 1
CTM 1
Emperor-Tiberius 1
Alpha_Geek 1
Zachary_Smith 1
Plum 1
3 of 11 1
jongredic 1
Super Grover 1
T'Aerwynd 1
shivkala 1
Jackson_Roykirk 1
The Badger 1
Captain Zog 1
J. Allen 1
Lashmore 1
NickRyder 1
Aragorn 1
Rat Boy 1
Tribble 1
Jonas Grumby 1

This week, we revisit another plot thread that keeps cropping up in the films: parenthood. First up, we have Kirk trying to figure out why his son is a blonde. Second, we have Picard trying to explain to his fake son that he has no chance in hell of keeping his hair past the age of 25. And finally, in our countdown to the release of the new movie on home video in the last few corners of the Earth, we have what will surely attract a torrent of House jokes. Have at:

 

[Rat Boy]

Kirk: "Wait a minute. You stayed for breakfast? YOU'RE NOT MY SON!"

Ms. Picard: "I asked for a Bratz, asshole."

Dr. Huge Eyes: "Well, I would've gone with Tiberius."

 

[Shatmandu]

A win! Woo-Hoo!

Kirk: "Weren't you on 'Square Pegs'?"

Ms. Picard: "Mummy got lacey knickers from the stable boy, Pah-pah. I ever so hope you didn't repeat."

Doctor E'yes: "Do you have other children?"
Wynonna: "One or two."

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Kirk: Look into your future, son. One day this bad rug will be yours too.

Little Picard: But Rene wanted the doll.

Dr. Huge Eyes: On my world it is customary for a mother to feast upon her young.

 

[Rat Boy]

George Kirk: "Let's name him after your father!"

Wynona Kirk: "Carl?"

George Kirk: "No, the other one!"

Wynona Kirk: "Bruce?"

George Kirk: "Fine, your step-dad, then."

Wynona Kirk: "Leon?"

George Kirk: "Foster dad?"

Wynona Kirk: "Angus?"

George Kirk: "Fine, let's call him Jim then and be done with it. I've got a ship to crash into."

 

[Shatmandu]

Kirk: "Saavik? No, I don't think she'll get fat."

Miss Picard: "My Christmas wish? Floss and a tongue-scraper for you."

<Sound of the Kelvin exploding plays over the speakers.>
Dr. Huge Eyes: "I can't help you anymore. I'm a Christian, so I don't work on unwed mothers. <removes gloves, picks up paperback> "

 

[Turd Ferguson]

"Oh my... I'm not very good at this... hey... sport! Want to go... get some ice cream? Want to toss the old pigskin?"

Kid in background: Oh. Wow. Great Expectations. Goddammit.

"I'm going to name his after his grandfather... Larry!"

Kirk - over comm: "Umm... my father's name was Tiberius..."

"Yeah, if we get out of this alive, we should probably have a little chat..."

 

[Finn]

Kirk: You look just like your mother
David: You can take your hand off, please
Kirk: "Sulu! This is a private conversation!"

"I have something I need to tell you about my present, Jean-Luc

"There's something wrong...He keeps pausing when he cries"

 

[Shatmandu]

Kid in Green Shirt: "Here's your present, Rene <bears down, lets wet fart>."

 

[cooleddie74]

KIRK:"This isn't about asking for money to go to the Academy next semester...is it?"

DAVID:"Uhhhhh...no."

KIRK:"Good. 'Cuz I'm broke."

PICARD GIRL:"What the hell am I supposed to do with a bloody Boba Fett doll, Father?

Mommy's right...you ARE a bastard."

WINONA:"He has my eyes...and Captain Robau's nose."

 

[cooleddie74]

KIRK:"If you're gonna be my son, the first thing we're gonna have to do is get you in even TIGHTER clothes that can be easily ripped in a fistfight."

 

[Bones2]

David: "I see you've just had an idea."
Kirk: "What makes you say that?"

 

[cooleddie74]

PICARD GIRL:"Thank you for the dolly, Father...for right now...until Mommy can get me an XBox 360?

She'll do!"

At first Winona Kirk suspected nothing...until her baby grinned and winked as he began breast-feeding.

 

[Nerys Myk]

Lil' Picard: It's malepattern baldness, right?

 

[Nerys Myk]

WINONA: Did he just slam his butt into me?

 

[Nerys Myk]

KIRK: Its your own hair and the curls and color are natural?

DAVID: Yes.

KIRK: Carol!!!!!

 

[cooleddie74]

WINONA:"I sure the hell hope that's pudding..."

 

[cooleddie74]

Love means never having to say 'I knocked up your mom and ran.' (TM)

 

[Shatmandu]

Kirk, pulling David's shirt back down: "Yep, you've got the famous 'Kirk Hairy Nipples'."

Kirk: "Your mom dating anybody?"

 

[Nerys Myk]

KIRK: Lets just say I died saving you at birth. More dramatic that way.