Movie Caption Contest #106: Tender Loving Care

[cooleddie74]

DECKER:"Be gentle.

The last time I made love to a mechanical device, I was banned for life from all the Walgreens stores in North America."

ANIJ:"I like you, Jean-Luc.

That's why I'm going to bore you last."

DEANNA:"HOWIE MANDEL?!?!?!?

This HAS to be a nightmare and NOT REAL, then!!!!"

 

[cooleddie74]

ILIAPROBE:"W-Will?"

DECKER:"Damn...I was hoping you'd have forgotten my name.

There goes my plan to Dirty Sanchez and rob you."

 

[Candlelight]

Ilia: "What's worrying you?"
Decker: "It seems Rat Boy still hasn't corrected the scoreboard... shame really"

 

[Candlelight]

"Your head is so shiny I got blinded and almost fell down the warp core shaft"

Picard: "I really like you Anji"
Anij: "It's pronounced 'Anij'"
Picard: "Yeah but I don't like that. Also could you shave down below? It was like humping a grizzly bear last night"

Riker and Troi almost have the first ever sex scene in Trek history until the producers get cold feet and decide to have someone rape Troi instead. Which is better emotionally.

 

[Captain Crow]

Troi: Your now Will! You don't have boobs that are bigger then mine!

 

[milo bloom]

Picard: "Just curious. Does the carpet really match the drapes?"

Anij: I was just about to ask the same thing.

 

[Candlelight]

"This moment is perfect, nothing could improve it... well maybe an ass-rubbing clone..."

(waits for the photoshoppers)

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Ilia: A hundred years from now our relationship will be repeated by an empath who can't drive and a man who won't have the balls to take the captain's chair.

Troi: Ilia?

 

[Candlelight]

"I can see the blackhead, just let me get... almost... there we go"

"What the hell is American Dad?"

"Two in the pink, one in the stink. Isn't that what you said?"

 

[Candlelight]

"No! The other vagina!"

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Anij: Do you often shout out Commander Riker's name during sex?
Picard: No, usually I yell out Dr. Crusher's but I was feeling a little kinky last night.

Ilia-Probe: This unit requires input in its posterior entry orifice.
Decker: Gulp! Don't you mean "egress"?
Ilia-Probe: Not when I'm done with you.

 

[Candlelight]

Isn't it funny how we often go for sexual connotations to make things funnier...?

"Call me what you called me last night"
"Alright... penishead"

"Call me what you called me last night"
"Alright... Captain Penishead"

"Penishead!"
"Call me in the morning?"

 

[Nerys Myk]

ILIA: Oh...Will!

DEANNA: Oh...Will!

ILIA: Oh...Will!

DEANNA: Oh...Will!

ILIA: Oh...Will!

DEANNA: Will?

PICARD: I've waited years for this, Will Riker.

DECKER: That's "Decker."

PICARD: Whatever.

 

[Shatmandu]

Decker: "Your head ... looks like the glans of an erect penis ..."
<Ilia pulls hand away, squints.>
Ilia: "Say what, now?"

Decker: "On your home planet, we had sex so much ... The next girl who went down on me got a mouthfull of dust."

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Decker: Jim Kirk never wore a dress for me.
Picard: I'm not Jim Kirk.

 

[Candlelight]

"Can I... put my head between your legs and go shmmyshmmyshmmyshmmy?"
"Make it so"

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Decker: Shit, even in the future we still haven't cured baldness.

Anij: Shit, even in the future we still haven't cured baldness.

Troi: HOLY SHIT! Even in the future we still haven't cured baldness!

 

[Daneel]

DECKER: "So, you're not the real Lt. Ilia."

ILIA-PROBE: "Correct."

DECKER: "Soooo, her oath of celibacy would mean nothing to you, right?"

ILIA-PROBE: "Correct."

DECKER: "Sweet."

PICARD: "Tell me what you're thinking."

ANIJ: "I was just thinking... that if we go by the pictures in this week's caption contest, it looks like Rat Boy has some sort of weird bald head fetish."

DEANNA: "Will, you would not believe what I had to look at today: nothing but picture after picture of Captain Picard and Lieutenant Ilia. I swear, if I see one more bald head, I'm going to -- AH! HOLY CRAP!!"

 

[Skywalker]

Deanna: "Oh, Will...yes...yes...AAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!"

 

[LeadHead]

Anij: Isn't it wierd that Geordi got his eyesight back and your hair Still wouldn't grow back?

Deanna was shocked to learn on her wedding night that Picard wasn't the only Bald man aboard the Enterprise.