Mother-in-law viral email diss

[lurok]

Saying it as she sees it

A future mother-in-law's withering email to her prospective daughter-in-law...and a few choice quotes...

"If you want to be accepted by the wider Bourne family, I suggest you take some guidance from experts with utmost haste.

"Here are a few examples of your lack of manners: When you are a guest in another's house, you do not declare what you will and will not eat – unless you are positively allergic to something.

"You do not remark that you do not have enough food. You do not start before everyone else.

"You do not take additional helpings without being invited to by your host.

"When a guest in another's house, you do not lie in bed until late morning in households that rise early. You fall in line with house norms.

"You should never ever insult the family you are about to join at any time and most definitely not in public.

"You regularly draw attention to yourself. Perhaps you should ask yourself why. No one gets married in a castle unless they own it. It is brash, celebrity style behaviour.

"If your parents are unable to contribute very much towards the cost of your wedding, it would be most ladylike and gracious to lower your sights and have a modest wedding as befits both your incomes.

"One could be accused of thinking that Heidi Withers must be patting herself on the back for having caught a most eligible young man. I pity Freddie."

Brutal honesty...or just unnecessarily harsh? (albeit we don't know all the facts/background ). How would you respond? Have you ever received something similar?

 

[Nerys Ghemor]

What I am surprised that the article fails to point out, in the middle of trashing this woman, is the fact that someone presumably leaked this e-mail in order for it to go viral. Then again, I probably shouldn't be surprised; there seems to be no such thing as confidentiality these days as people think that being physically able to blurt everything on the Internet means that they should.

 

[rhubarbodendron]

Basically, the mother-in-law is right. These things ought to be a matter of course as they are the most basic rules of social life. Someone who doesn't obey them wouldn't fit in my family either.
I would try to break it to them more diplomatically, though, in a private moment without eavesdroppers, and certainly not in writing (that's as bad style as the bride's apparent misbehaviour).


I very much doubt that this is a real email. It sounds too artificial, too constructed. I rather think it's a tasteless hoax.

 

[propita]

Half of the m-i-l's complaints appear kinda valid, if there's not more going on.

F'instance

Sleeping in super late cam disrupt plans--if it was a regular occurrence. If sleeping in occurs only after arriving and jet-lagged, or after a special night of staying up late, then not so valid.

Not blowing huge amounts on a wedding is commonsense that many people don't have. Sometimes people, women in particular, seem to think all about the wedding and little about the marriage following it.

Some of the other complaints depends on the circumstances, particularly about food. Some people serve small portions for health reasons, or are just cheap (I've seen that one--juuuuust enough food for small servings per person, but when they're at YOUR house ..... They eat huge portions and go back for seconds! And they're not wanting financially). Might not be an allergy-- girl could have religious reasons or be vegan in some manner. Or the m-i-l can't cook anything that tastes good. But the girl wanted seconds of something. If it was the only thing that tasted good, I can't blame her.

Every story has two sides. One may be crap, but no determining until both sides are heard. For all we know, the girls a selfish bitch. Or the mother in law is one. Or they both are and are trying to out-bitch each other.

 

[Captain Shaw]

She should have not had a go at the brides family for not saving for a wedding.

 

[Kestra]

I don't really have any desire to comment on what was clearly meant to be a private communication.

 

[Nerys Ghemor]

Which is the whole problem I have with this. I don't know the situation they had--why is it that no one bats an eye these days at leaking people's PRIVATE communications? It's a federal crime to steal someone else's mail; how is this different?

 

[PurpleLady]

It would appear to me, that instead of alienating her future daughter-in-law and probably her own son, the mother-in-law should have tried to be more welcoming.

My mom always says, you can catch more bees with honey than you can with vinegar. In other words, choose what is REALLY truly important and have a face to face. If it is important, then it's worth it to set a time. The rest can be worked on with time and if not, how often is the daughter-in-law going to be a guest in her home.

I think it shows incredibly bad manners on the mother-in-law's part have sent an email such as that.

 

[auntiehill]

They are clearly both at fault. The mother in law should never have written such a snide and rather rude email (pointing out someone's lack of manners so bluntly is itself rude and saying she "pitied" the groom is downright mean) but the bride-to-be clearly did something to tick the woman off (several things, judging by that list), and never, EVER should have let this go public.

Pretty much a loss, all around.

 

[scotpens]

. . . My mom always says, you can catch more bees with honey than you can with vinegar.

I thought it was "You can catch more flies with honey than you can with vinegar." And you can catch even more with shit, so what does that prove?

Really, does anyone give half a rat's ass about these people? I sure as hell don't.

 

[PurpleLady]

Really, does anyone give half a rat's ass about these people? I sure as hell don't.

Part of the fun of posting on a forum is talking about current events and giving your opinion. Do I personally care about any of the posts? Nope, but since I choose to participate, I'm giving my opinion.

Are you sure you're not the mother-in-law's son? You seem to come from the same mentality.

 

[Pingfah]

Which is the whole problem I have with this. I don't know the situation they had--why is it that no one bats an eye these days at leaking people's PRIVATE communications? It's a federal crime to steal someone else's mail; how is this different?

In that it wasn't someone else's mail, for a start. You think it should be illegal to share a letter that was freely sent to you?

 

[Nerys Ghemor]

Leaking it to the public without that person's consent? I would think that would be something they could sue over. Not a crime for criminal court, but I would think someone could go to civil court for it, and collect damages.

 

[-Brett-]

The people who make the biggest fuss about "manners" are usually the people most devoid of them.

 

[propita]

No leaking private--usually confidential--facts about someone. This is the woman's personal opinions. I don't see a civil action.

Doesn't mean one or both isn't/aren't rude.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

The people who make the biggest fuss about "manners" are usually the people most devoid of them.

Quite.

Looks like the 'wider Bourne family' has a scorpion up its collective ass, and could really stand to lighten up.

 

[trekkiedane]

Knowing nothing, but what can be read on-line, about any of these people I'd say the sentiments expressed in the snippets of the rude e-mail are ones traditionally held by the British upper-class.

Expressing them, however, is so social-climbing snobby!

It makes me wonder if this florist is from a working-class home and trying desperately to re-write history -the Bucket analogy actually sounds rather fitting!

 

[Holdfast]

Expressing them, however, is so social-climbing snobby!

+1

The correct thing to do, if the new party is beyond redemption, is to simply cut off contact with them, whilst trying to persuade own's one flesh and blood to do the same. If they do not, there is no choice other than to either cut off contact with them, or figure out a polite way to maintain contact with them while limiting contact with the new party.

Actually listing the problems in writing is beyond the pale and achieves nothing. The young girl sounds hopelessly beyond redemption anyway.

 

[Robert Maxwell]

Leaking it to the public without that person's consent? I would think that would be something they could sue over. Not a crime for criminal court, but I would think someone could go to civil court for it, and collect damages.

Ummm.... no. If someone sends me an email or a letter, I can do with it whatever I damn well please and there is not a thing they can do about it.

 

[Chaos Descending]

I was reading up on this, and apparently the young bride's dad has said that the soon to be mother-in-law is an insufferable prude.