Moan about attitudes to housework

[Miss Chicken]

I had a friend visit yesterday and as she arrived I was hanging towels on my line. As my house is side on most visitors come in by my backdoor so my friend saw me at the line. We walked in together and saw that my son was almost finishing vacuuming. After he finished he disappeared into his room and my friend said ‘You didn’t’t thank him for doing the vacuuming for you.”

I answered ‘And he didn’t’t thank me for washing the towels and hanging them on the line.’

She said ‘That’s different’ adding ‘I wish I had someone to help me do the housework’ (she lives alone).

I have two adult sons living with me. Should I have to thank them all the time for doing their fair share of the work?

 

[MacLeod]

Generally I would say no, with the odd exception if they did something over and above the norm without being asked.

 

[Miss Chicken]

My opinion exactly. I thanked my son when he fixed the letterbox and when he helped me put up a wallhanging. But regular housework I see no reason to unless it is something that I regularly do and they decided to do it themselves.

 

[Velocity]

So your friend really thinks housework is the woman's responsibility? Pretty old fashioned idea. Or is she the kind of person who is overly polite and apologizes even when someone bumps into her?

 

[φ of π]

That's a tricky one. It's always nice to know you're appreciated, but if you come from a culture (specifically a household in this case) where chores aren't generally commented on, it can be hard to get into the habit of expressing gratitude for helping with said chores.

 

[Miss Chicken]

So your friend really thinks housework is the woman's responsibility? Pretty old fashioned idea. Or is she the kind of person who is overly polite and apologizes even when someone bumps into her?

She has lived on her own for about 20 years(since her teenagers left to live with their father) . She hasn’t lived with another adult for more than 30 years so I guess her ideas predate that.

 

[Miss Chicken]

This article expresses my feeling better than I did in my OP though in my case it is adult sons not a husband.

https://honey.nine.com.au/2017/07/18/12/18/husband-domestic-duties-being-a-grown-up-not-a-helper

 

[Amaris]

I had a friend visit yesterday and as she arrived I was hanging towels on my line. As my house is side on most visitors come in by my backdoor so my friend saw me at the line. We walked in together and saw that my son was almost finishing vacuuming. After he finished he disappeared into his room and my friend said ‘You didn’t’t thank him for doing the vacuuming for you.”

I answered ‘And he didn’t’t thank me for washing the towels and hanging them on the line.’

She said ‘That’s different’ adding ‘I wish I had someone to help me do the housework’ (she lives alone).

I have two adult sons living with me. Should I have to thank them all the time for doing their fair share of the work?

No, you should not. Keeping the house clean is a group effort. Everyone creates a mess, everyone should work to clean it up. Sharing the responsibility makes it easier on everyone, so there's no need for a thanks. Granted, if someone chooses to thank another member of the household, that's fine, but it should never be some kind of requirement.

 

[DimesDan]

As it is just myself and Mrs-Dimesdan in our flat, we have the housework pretty much sorted between ourselves and we tend to thank each other when we've gotten around to it as to me, it's the polite thing to do.

When I used to live at "home", I remember my dad thanking me when I did things around the house too, regardless of if I was expected to do it or did it off my own initiative, I of course thanked him back when he did something too.

 

[SPCTRE]

The wife and I try do share household chores 50/50 and we thank each other constantly for doing stuff. It just feels nice, but I would never argue that anyone has to do this for some reason.

What I would argue though is that remembering to do it at least now and then is probably a healthy thing, relationship-wise - reciprocity is very important there.

 

[1001001]

Getting a housekeeper saved our marriage.




Well, not really, but we both agree it's some of the best money we ever spent. We both work full-time, and every Thursday we come home to find the house spotless, the laundry done, etc. etc.

 

[DimesDan]

Getting a housekeeper

We don't need one at present, but in the future, we'll probably "invest" in such a service.

 

[Spot261]

I had a friend visit yesterday and as she arrived I was hanging towels on my line. As my house is side on most visitors come in by my backdoor so my friend saw me at the line. We walked in together and saw that my son was almost finishing vacuuming. After he finished he disappeared into his room and my friend said ‘You didn’t’t thank him for doing the vacuuming for you.”

I answered ‘And he didn’t’t thank me for washing the towels and hanging them on the line.’

She said ‘That’s different’ adding ‘I wish I had someone to help me do the housework’ (she lives alone).

I have two adult sons living with me. Should I have to thank them all the time for doing their fair share of the work?

I would say yes as children, reinforcing the good behaviour is obviously the parents' role.

As adults? I'm not sure, although it is pleasant to acknowledge when people do their bit I guess. Certainly it should be a two way street though.

 

[Spot261]

Getting a housekeeper saved our marriage.




Well, not really, but we both agree it's some of the best money we ever spent. We both work full-time, and every Thursday we come home to find the house spotless, the laundry done, etc. etc.

What is it like on Wednesday?

Just asking.....

 

[Jedi_Master]

I would say in general that gratitude is a good thing, and saying "thank you" from time to time is a good way of maintaining peace/respect in a home.
But every family is different and there is no need for endless and ritualistic expressions of gratitude when someone you love completes every common task.

 

[Doom Shepherd]

I understand what I got into when I fell in love with a disabled person who can't even get out of bed some days. I don't mind earning 90% of the income and doing 90% of the housework. I don't care at all about "Thank you's" I'm not bothered when we make plans and then cancel them at the last minute, or I have to go alone, because of a symptom flareup. (Most of the time I'd rather stay home anyway.)

BUT... I'd really like to be left alone when I'm using my miniscule amount of free time to watch a video or something, or at least don't talk at me all through it (I've heard every story about how her family was horrible to her growing up 5,000 times by now), or traipse though the room 15 times an hour on the way to the kitchen. If you want ACTUAL attention, I'll give it to you, but scampering through just irritates the FUCK out of me. If you don't want attention, GO THE OTHER WAY ROUND!

THAT, I will give a hearty "thank you" for.

Yeah, I could use a housekeeper, and as soon as I start pooping gold, I'll hire one.

No, I'm not having relationship issues. Why do you ask? This thread is about moaning, isn't it?

 

[Refuge]

I say thank you a lot because someone contributing makes a difference to me and that includes having that down time. Also when we go to our corners to concentrate on whatever it is nice to be left to it.

Moaning. I grumble when (and it sounds stupid writing it) but he leaves cupboard doors open and doesn't shut drawers. I don't get it. Not a biggie but it doesn't fit my sense of completion to walk into the kitchen and the pantry door is wide open and drawers are ajar. HE hates it when I tidy up his workshop. I get that I would hate that too but it's part of the garage and I see the chaos.