Here's the setup. Last month my wife's uncle died. He was her mother's twin brother. He had a myriad of health issues and since my wife and I started dating 7 years ago I always heard "*Uncle's name* probably won't be around in 6 months.
His 2nd wife and mother of his youngest child (a daughter) died when she was very young. His oldest daughter, about our age, sort of took on the roll of the maternal figure for youngest daughter. But around Christmas 2003 oldest daughter, while living in another state, was brutally murdered in an attempt to steal her unborn baby.
This brings us up to last month when her father (wife's uncle) died. Even though he'd been on borrowed times for years he left no will. In fact, he didn't even leave a note. He'd told my mother-in-law verbally that he wanted her to take care of youngest daughter. Well, father-in-law is kind of a dick. He's very self-centered and impatient so no one wants her to be stuck with him.
Now, she has a lot of baggage. In addition to the baggage one would expect from all that I posted above she has some more just cuz. Wife's uncle was not exactly the most enlightened and patient parent in the world anyway. He also was very dependent on Youngest daughter in very real ways. She'd take a list and money and go do grocery shopping, get medications even, etc. She had to know how to handle various emergency first aid situations that could have arised with him.
Like most kids as she grew up she'd test her limits. Well, sickly as he was it was pretty easy to wear him down. She's a 12-year-old girl, but she still throws tantrums and in many ways has about a 1st grade maturity level despite having had some very grown-up responsibilities.
So anyway she's stayed with all the young families in the family and we're the only ones left. The others have all decided they don't want to take her in. We have her tonight for the first time. We'll have her for at least a couple of days. If we don't take her she'll be living with mother-in-law. Mother-in-law has stated privately that if father-in-law wants to leave because of this child then he'll just have to leave. (This is a pretty impressive indicator of her commitment to her since she didn't leave him after an affair and 28 years of general dickishness)
Right now we're proceeding with the assumption that we're not going to take her and for the first time I feel like it's our choice whether we do or not. It's quite a relief (there's a lot of subtle pressure and maneuverings from those that don't want her, but want her to go someplace good.)
Privately I feel that we are going to make her a part of our family, but we'll see how the next few days go. We must make sure that she won't have a strong negative impact on our marriage and our 2-year-old daughter. It'll be a challenge (of course) but our house is also too small for a family of 4. The girls are too far apart to realistically share a room and we wouldn't want 12-year-old to anyway as her development is very important to us. If we keep her we'll be giving up our room (also tiny) and moving into the garage or the back porch. We don't have the money to remodel either of those areas.
So, have any of you faced any similar conundrums? I don't really have anyone to talk about this with that's not directly involved so even uninformed opinions are welcome. There's also more to the story, but I'm afraid this may already be too long to post.
His 2nd wife and mother of his youngest child (a daughter) died when she was very young. His oldest daughter, about our age, sort of took on the roll of the maternal figure for youngest daughter. But around Christmas 2003 oldest daughter, while living in another state, was brutally murdered in an attempt to steal her unborn baby.
This brings us up to last month when her father (wife's uncle) died. Even though he'd been on borrowed times for years he left no will. In fact, he didn't even leave a note. He'd told my mother-in-law verbally that he wanted her to take care of youngest daughter. Well, father-in-law is kind of a dick. He's very self-centered and impatient so no one wants her to be stuck with him.
Now, she has a lot of baggage. In addition to the baggage one would expect from all that I posted above she has some more just cuz. Wife's uncle was not exactly the most enlightened and patient parent in the world anyway. He also was very dependent on Youngest daughter in very real ways. She'd take a list and money and go do grocery shopping, get medications even, etc. She had to know how to handle various emergency first aid situations that could have arised with him.
Like most kids as she grew up she'd test her limits. Well, sickly as he was it was pretty easy to wear him down. She's a 12-year-old girl, but she still throws tantrums and in many ways has about a 1st grade maturity level despite having had some very grown-up responsibilities.
So anyway she's stayed with all the young families in the family and we're the only ones left. The others have all decided they don't want to take her in. We have her tonight for the first time. We'll have her for at least a couple of days. If we don't take her she'll be living with mother-in-law. Mother-in-law has stated privately that if father-in-law wants to leave because of this child then he'll just have to leave. (This is a pretty impressive indicator of her commitment to her since she didn't leave him after an affair and 28 years of general dickishness)
Right now we're proceeding with the assumption that we're not going to take her and for the first time I feel like it's our choice whether we do or not. It's quite a relief (there's a lot of subtle pressure and maneuverings from those that don't want her, but want her to go someplace good.)
Privately I feel that we are going to make her a part of our family, but we'll see how the next few days go. We must make sure that she won't have a strong negative impact on our marriage and our 2-year-old daughter. It'll be a challenge (of course) but our house is also too small for a family of 4. The girls are too far apart to realistically share a room and we wouldn't want 12-year-old to anyway as her development is very important to us. If we keep her we'll be giving up our room (also tiny) and moving into the garage or the back porch. We don't have the money to remodel either of those areas.
So, have any of you faced any similar conundrums? I don't really have anyone to talk about this with that's not directly involved so even uninformed opinions are welcome. There's also more to the story, but I'm afraid this may already be too long to post.
I was just watching it the other day and realized that although it's such an exaggerated comedy it really does have a touching point at the end.
