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Mental Wellness Support Group

I’m thinking I need to change meds. My anxiety is manageable so long as work leaves me alone, but the depression seems to be getting worse. That might be some additional pressure coming my way, but it’s the sort of thing I should shrug off.

The weird thing about my depression is that I can’t trace it. There is so much going well, holistically, that I have no business being depressed. I’m thinking I should write an essay on this.
 
I’m thinking I need to change meds. My anxiety is manageable so long as work leaves me alone, but the depression seems to be getting worse. That might be some additional pressure coming my way, but it’s the sort of thing I should shrug off.

The weird thing about my depression is that I can’t trace it. There is so much going well, holistically, that I have no business being depressed. I’m thinking I should write an essay on this.

For me, I can be in the greatest of moods and everything seems to be going my way. As soon as a single wrench is thrown in the machinery I loose my positive feelings and motivation and just crash. Hard.
 
I’m thinking I need to change meds. My anxiety is manageable so long as work leaves me alone, but the depression seems to be getting worse. That might be some additional pressure coming my way, but it’s the sort of thing I should shrug off.

The weird thing about my depression is that I can’t trace it. There is so much going well, holistically, that I have no business being depressed. I’m thinking I should write an essay on this.

For me, I can be in the greatest of moods and everything seems to be going my way. As soon as a single wrench is thrown in the machinery I loose my positive feelings and motivation and just crash. Hard.
I hope things change for the better soon.
 
For me, I can be in the greatest of moods and everything seems to be going my way. As soon as a single wrench is thrown in the machinery I loose my positive feelings and motivation and just crash. Hard.
Yeah, I suffer that too. In the old days, the old me, the one I liked, would encounter an impossible conundrum and scratch his head, put the kettle on, and go for a fag. The smoking of the fag would somehow trigger a fresh insight and a new approach to the problem. I would return to the challenge both anew and have a cup of tea.

True story.
 
I hate being so damned socially awkward! I hate having zero confidence and zero self-esteem!

Not that anyone would actually like those things, but I'm having a hard time keeping friendships because I'm constantly worried that I'm upsetting or have upset friends and always pointing that out and they get sick of it and eventually fade away.

I feel like I stick out like a sore thumb at these weekly group meetings I go to. I'm pretty sure I'm misunderstanding some of the discussions and talk about subjects that don't necessarily fit the topic or individual questions. And while I don't feel this from the other members, it seems the group leader/moderator is looking my way...a LOT. Even when I'm not the person talking.

Imposter syndrome? Oh, f-yes. I got it. I hate it.

I've said this before, but most of the time I feel like an outcast on The Island of Misfit Toys. :(

F-ing freak!
 
I really don't know what to tell you, @Scribble , other than:

we-reach.jpg


Seriously, a lot of what you have written, I am quite familiar with... well, except for the part about actually *having* friends to worry about alienating. I often wonder what it would feel like to be an actual, "normal" member of society.

So I feel your pain. Sadly, I can not offer you any great insight that would help, just commiseration.

I personally feel that you are definitely not a freak. But I also know how much we tend to internalize our own negative self-images, so that it becomes hard to believe when others speak positively about us.

At least you are out there, trying. You are continuing to go to that group you mentioned. That's not nothing.

I know money is an issue, but if you are able to afford it, counseling can definitely be helpful. It's not a *cure*, at least not in my experience, but it can help.

Sorry that I cannot help more. :( Hugs and best wishes.
 
I know this is easy to say, but every guy should go to the gym and lift. Whenever I stop lifting or going the gym for an extended period of time, my bipolar tends to begin flaring up big time. Going to the gym fixes everything for me, I can maintain my discipline as long as I'm at least doing my yoga and meditation, if I can get in the gym almost every day? I'm golden, I'm flying, life is amazing for me.

I know people get anxiety about it, but every single person in that gym either wants to help you out or just wants to concentrate on themselves. No one judges, it is a safe space.
 
I really don't know what to tell you, @Scribble , other than:

we-reach.jpg


Seriously, a lot of what you have written, I am quite familiar with... well, except for the part about actually *having* friends to worry about alienating. I often wonder what it would feel like to be an actual, "normal" member of society.

So I feel your pain. Sadly, I can not offer you any great insight that would help, just commiseration.

I personally feel that you are definitely not a freak. But I also know how much we tend to internalize our own negative self-images, so that it becomes hard to believe when others speak positively about us.

At least you are out there, trying. You are continuing to go to that group you mentioned. That's not nothing.

I know money is an issue, but if you are able to afford it, counseling can definitely be helpful. It's not a *cure*, at least not in my experience, but it can help.

Sorry that I cannot help more. :( Hugs and best wishes.

When I say "friends", I mean my online friends, of which I have few. Very few. And I seem to be tiring those that I do have out. I have one RL friend, and I get the feeling she more tolerates me and wishes to be some sort of mentor rather than a true friend. She has enough of those, already. If she can help me, she will. Otherwise, I'm just kind of background noise.

But you do have friends! Although we don't know a lot about each other, I consider you a friend from the talks we've had. :)

My quest for finding a therapist has just intensified. I will be calling on Tuesday to try to get on a waitlist.
 
But you do have friends! Although we don't know a lot about each other, I consider you a friend from the talks we've had. :)

Awww, you're too kind, thank you. I consider you a friend as well. :)

I was mainly referring to IRL friends. I certainly didn't mean to overlook or disparage my few friends here. I hope no one was offended.

Best of luck with the therapist search. I hope it works out well for you! :)
 
I know this is easy to say, but every guy should go to the gym and lift. Whenever I stop lifting or going the gym for an extended period of time, my bipolar tends to begin flaring up big time. Going to the gym fixes everything for me, I can maintain my discipline as long as I'm at least doing my yoga and meditation, if I can get in the gym almost every day? I'm golden, I'm flying, life is amazing for me.

I know people get anxiety about it, but every single person in that gym either wants to help you out or just wants to concentrate on themselves. No one judges, it is a safe space.

Physical activity does help, though you don't need a gym membership or any special exercise equipment. While I have an elliptical machine at home, I've often found it helpful to walk outdoors - in the park, by the beach, etc., of course under ideal weather conditions. Walking helps clear my head by focusing on my surroundings, and surely the release of endorphins results in a better mood.
 
I hate being so damned socially awkward! I hate having zero confidence and zero self-esteem!

Not that anyone would actually like those things, but I'm having a hard time keeping friendships because I'm constantly worried that I'm upsetting or have upset friends and always pointing that out and they get sick of it and eventually fade away.

I feel like I stick out like a sore thumb at these weekly group meetings I go to. I'm pretty sure I'm misunderstanding some of the discussions and talk about subjects that don't necessarily fit the topic or individual questions. And while I don't feel this from the other members, it seems the group leader/moderator is looking my way...a LOT. Even when I'm not the person talking.

Imposter syndrome? Oh, f-yes. I got it. I hate it.

I've said this before, but most of the time I feel like an outcast on The Island of Misfit Toys. :(

F-ing freak!

I feel ya.
Sort of, I'm "normal" supposedly.
Sometimes after I'm around a group of people usually fencing( the sport) I'll be driving home and thinking about what went on and suddenly it will dawn on me why everyone looked at me like I was stupid after I said whatever.
I'm like oh! They meant "this" not shoe sizes or the weather or car tires or whatever strange unrelated subject I thought.
Oh well.:ack:
None of them are perfect either.
Sometimes we're our own worst enemy. :sigh:
Most of the time I feel like I'm faking everything. Like I'm watching a really boring movie. I generally have few filters, although I have gotten slightly better; generally I'm just waiting for my mouth to pop out with the next incredibly stupid or weird thing that seems to possibly not involve my brain.

Anyway, I'm supposed to be normal.
I've got news for you, normal is off the chart
Subjective.

I'm like Rosanna Rosannadanna
From Saturday night Live back when it was funny.
I'm off and running about the such and such and how it's just wrong .... Blah blah blah
....oops
Nevermind.
Google her Gilda Radner was the actress.
 
I was having a good day but then started a random panic attack. I say random but it’s all work related.

It can’t be normal to sweat through the knees and shins can it? It’s weird.
 
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