Discussion in 'Miscellaneous' started by Twilight Phoenix, Jul 5, 2018.
From my Bowie fan friend...
It will take a lifetime to relax in chaos.
from the song --- below
There's nothing worth living for tonight
Tell me that there's something worth living for tonight
Don't let me down
Don't let me drown
The pain is somewhere very close to me
I replied to my comment on this song I made 8 years ago, when it was a very real thing for me --- it was 2015 when things changed -- I have liked this song since it came out --- I had the cassette tape in 1989 --
Since 2015 the suicidal thoughts and ideation and attempts too are all over -- in 2015 it stopped --- I recognized the beginnings of the thoughts and started to preempt these thoughts before they would get worse --- and just stop the negative thinking -- remembering this when it came out in 1989 after my first suicide attempt in 1988 it immediately became my fave fems song -- so yeah it was weird after I figured out how to snip the thoughts before they became big -- but I had to constantly do this and be quite aware I what was happening in my head-- that year 2015 was the strangest as I had never gone a week without out 3-4 times every week having these thoughts and feelings. I did not understand that It was going to stick like that -- today still I keep a close aware of my thoughts like this,.. but the feelings of killing myself rather than sleeping every night is over,.. there is hope
I am so happy for you!
I'm not suicidal (right now), but I'm having difficulty finding anything to look forward to in my life, and that leaves me with an underlying current of hopelessness. My future looks like nothing but parents aging & dying (possibly rehoming too) and all the bull that will go with that. It sucks.
Sorry to hear that, Commander.
My wife's grandmother just got a breast cancer diagnosis, so the idea of having to go through the care process is less than inspiring. What is helping is hearing her stories, and spending time to hear about her life and a life well lived. She lives on our property so we can provide that support.
I occasionally have flashes of suicidal ideation that I don't share with anyone because they just panic. I find hope in people and being with them.
Sadly, my parents have no money or savings and my mom's denial is so bad she won't even make a will, so I'm scared one or both of them will screw up our retirements.
Yeah, I don't share most of those flashes for the same reason. When they were really bad back in February, I did, and I'll share when I'm done with those I'm closest to because that's hope I get help.
I need to make some IRL "dates" with friends. That will help.
Yes. Getting outside of your space (head or otherwise) can be helpful.
hope is real. things get better --- a rainy day is the way the plants grow --- everything even difficult problems have positive outcomes and a good side to them--- when I start thinking the negative half empty way I change myself my thoughts --- I can not think a bad thought and a good thought at the same time --- whatever I think is bad or good -- If I go with what I think or believe to be good then I find more good-- it increases -- this is the hope that we can all find the good in everything --- everything has good and bad -- Connection is the opposite of depression and hopelessness it really is,..
Same here. In 9 years I get pensioned off and move back into my parents' house. My brother is a messie and I spend every free minute tidying his mess away only to find that at my next visit he has created yet another rubbish dump. The thought of having to deal with that on a daily basis and trying to stem this tide all on my own drives me to despair. My brother lives very unhealthy so there is a chance that he dies before I get too fragile to tidy up but what sort of a hope is that? (definitely an embarassingly unethical and very desparate one) If only I could make it clear to him that he needs professional help!
Friday I was in day treatment class (making "slime" out of baking soda, glue, shaving cream, and contact solution) when the devastating news that has affected the USA broke in the form of an alert on my smart watch. I won't go into more detail since this is not the place to discuss politics other than to say I have been very depressed since receiving the news. I am trying to focus on some good news I got last week: I have been selected to attend facilitator training for NAMI Alabama's Connections program. The training is at the end of July over a weekend in Montgomery, AL, our state capital. This will be my first visit to Montgomery, and my hotel room and meals will be paid for by NAMI Alabama. I am very excited about going.
The other thing that has been bothering me lately is something that is going on in another message board I belong to. It is a music discussion board, but there is an off-topic subforum that has a thread going on about whether mental illness is a legitimate ailment, whether psychotropic medicine is any good, and whether all psychiatrists should be put in jail. There have been several statements that are hurtful and insensitive to people like myself who suffer from mental illness. One person belittled bipolar disorder by saying, "Everybody has mood swings. Big deal! That's not a 'disorder'." I do not have bipolar disorder, but I have friends who do. I complained about this thread on the forum business subforum but I have been afraid to go back to see what reply I got (if any). I hate to leave the forum for good because there are very valuable discussions about music that take place there. I do feel I had to stand up for people with mental illnesses there, as a representative of NAMI.
I commend you for standing up as part of NAMI. we are having a zoom gathering as PART NAMI Middlesex. In NJ. I've been trained to facilitate by NAMI and DBSA And also run various groups for them as well as HVN... Hearing voices network. It's really good gatherings. All of these organizations have internet sites.. Enjoy the training!!
Thank you. I was supposed to talk to my therapist this morning at 8 am, but she cancelled the appointment due to illness and rescheduled it for next Tuesday. I had been looking forward to talking to her about my deep depression I have been experiencing since Friday. I don't really have anyone to talk to--my cousin (with whom I am very close) is spending a few days in the Georgia mountains and is out of cell phone range; and my best friend is in the hospital with a fever (she has leukemia and was supposed to have a bone marrow transplant last week but that was cancelled because of her fever). Yesterday was my off day from day treatment, and I tried everything I could think of to help my depression, but nothing worked. I go back to day treatment today, and maybe that will distract me enough to break the sadness.
My depression lifted in 2015 and a I lost my suicide focus. I can't think depressed thoughts and happy positive thoughts at the same time being grateful are positive thoughts.. I used to keep a graduate journal and write 5 gratitudes everyday at least. But I have not stopped my antidepressants I'm on 2 max dose.. It got easier when I could identify the the suicidal thoughts before they were full blown suicidal ideation.
I’m feeling somewhat optimistic, even though I developed long COVID. I have two weeks to destress and let my body heal.
Another poster suggested I check this thread out and I'm glad I did. I have to admit I've typed up something here a couple times, deleted it and started over.
I'm going through a breakup for the last 8 weeks and I'm finding it very difficult to move on. I understand the reasons she broke up with me, I have anxiety issues and I became needy. She's a good person and she was very special to me and I'm finding it hard to forgive myself for driving her away. I even did something really stupid recently that I won't rehash, though I'm glad that I've at least managed to have the good sense to not contact her, visit her, or anything like that. I know she needs her space. Unless she contacts me I'll continue to leave her be.
I guess I'm looking for advice. I honestly never felt like this before. I feel such a hole in my heart and I miss her terrible. I did start going to therapy and am taking an online course about relationships. The first to try to get to the root of my anxious attachment issues so I can overcome them, the latter so I don't make the same mistakes in the future and I have better relationships going forward. I look back now and see all the mistakes I made. I also started martial arts classes and volunteer at the SPCA. I'm hoping that helps with my confidence and social skills.
The one thing I won't due is date anyone else until I'm over this. That would not be fair to anyone else, and I know it sounds bizarre but I'd feel I was cheating on my ex. Besides that I need to work on my issues first anyway. Is there anything else people have done that has helped? I don't expect a magic pill. I know it's going to take time to get over this. Part of me feels a bit ridiculous, because people have bigger issues than breakups. I guess I should feel lucky this is my biggest problem right now. I do have a new empathy for people with chronic anxiety and depression. Eventually I'll find a way past this. But I couldn't imagine what it's like to go through this day after day. I can't sleep, I don't eat much (if there's one positive I've lost 30 lbs). I feel for people who have to deal with this on a long term basis.
Sounds like you're already doing what you can do. One of the biggest things with depression and anxiety is that those things lie to you. They tell you you are alone, you are not worthwhile, you will always mess things up. None of that is true.
One other thing, and I know a couple of other posters have shared this here, is to do a gratitude journal. Not a journal of what went on in the day but things to be genuinely thankful for. It redirects the mind, because what anxiety does, as it functions off of our "fight, flight, freeze" response, is focus our attention internally, on the perceived danger. Changing your focus to what is positive is a good start, and gratitude provides a great reference point.
One final tip: take care of yourself. Eating, sleeping, bathing, all of those things are essential to improving your mental state. Make your bed, clean up your space, and keep it clean. These are all little things, or maybe not so little, that actually demonstrate an improvement because your brain goes "Oh, we accomplished something" and we get a little neurochemical reward.
You're doing a lot of positive steps to help yourself. Keep up the good work, don't isolate and reach out as you need. You're not alone!
I like that idea. I've been keeping a journal but it's mostly about how I'm feeling, things I need to do. I have such negativity right now, I need to shift that focus.
That I found is a huge issue. One of the things my therapist had me do is write down some of what my 'self talk' was telling me, that inner voice we all have. I was deeply disturbed by the things I wrote, most were along that line. Hopefully your journal idea can help with that.
Thanks for the tips. I only wish I had done all this before I met my ex. I got divorced a while back (we lost feelings for each other basically so it was a much different situation). I thought these issues were just a teenage thing. I wish I had done this after my divorce so by the time I met my ex I wouldn't have smothered her like I did. But I guess that's just the bargaining stage of grief. If I did this then that....The course I'm taking has been helpful. I'm learning a lot from that as well. The idea is to have better relationships going forward (and some of it can be applied to day to day relatinoships with friends, coworkers and so forth). I have a long way to go but just learning about things like listening-validating-empathizing has been eye opening.
Separate names with a comma.