Meeting the parents for the first time.

[TorontoTrekker]

So, as you're all no doubt sick of reading already, I've been in a long-distance relationship for the past two months (plus a bit) with a young man I met a few months ago at Dragon*Con and who lives in Alpharetta, GA (a suburb of Atlanta).

He's at his parents' home in Memphis, TN, visiting them for Christmas. We communicate via Skype, using our webcams to see each other. He took his computer with him, with the intention of introducing me to his family.

The exact day/time have now been set - I'll be meeting them at 8 tomorrow evening. I have to admit that I'm a little nervous - this is the first time I'll have met the parents of someone I'm dating since I met my ex-husband's parents, and that was about 18 years ago.

We just chatted for about 15 minutes, and he briefed me on what to expect, safe topics of discussion, and so forth. So I'm as ready as I'll ever be, I guess, though it's always possible that they won't like me for some reason.

He had previously told his aunt about our age difference - I'm 41, he's 23 - and she told his parents, so they know. It doesn't seem to be a big deal, though I suppose they might ask something like, "What could someone your age possibly see in our son?" (I do have a valid answer for that, though: I enjoy his company, we're both science fiction fans, we're both in the information technology field, and we both have an interest in politics. Though since politics is on the "iffy" list of topics, I may say "current events" instead.)

I'm not really looking for advice or anything, but some good luck wishes would be nice.

 

[Kestra]

Good luck! I'm sure you won't need it, as you seem like a very nice and personable person.

And I'm not sick of hearing about your relationship. I'm glad you've found someone that makes you so happy! You totally deserve it. I meant to post in the "romantic" thread, but I wanted to say I love your attitude about the distance issue. Distance is awful, but it also makes you come up with sweet and inventive ways to show the other person how much you care.

Let us know how it goes tomorrow!

 

[Small White Car]

I'm not really looking for advice or anything

Then you came to the wrong place!

My advice, as a video-professional, is to not underestimate the medium. It can be your best friend or your worst enemy. Let's make it your friend, shall we?

If you don't already have one, go to an A/V or computer store tomorrow and get a separate mic for your webcam. The kind that stands on your table and points at you. If you have a noisy desktop computer (instead of a laptop), cover it with a blanket. Good clean, non-echo-y sound counts for a lot. (Test this with another friend first to make sure it works ahead of time!)

Now, lighting: Put 2 lamps on either side of the computer monitor, each about 2 feet away from the computer. One light should be about twice as bright as the other. Also, you don't want the blue 'computer glow' on your face. If you have to dim your screen to make this happen, do so. Make sure the wall behind you is also lit, but not a bright window.

And finally, look at the screen when they're talking to you, but if you're addressing them do your best to look into the camera. It's hard because you can't see their reactions, but you'll look a lot friendlier on their end.

 

[BigFoot]

Good luck!

 

[JAG]

No advice but Good Luck. You will do fine.

 

[TheBrew]

Ouch. I think I would rather meet them in person, though there would be no easy escape. Good luck, dude. Can't be that much harder than organizing a 'con.

 

[jamestyler]

Good luck!

I've never had good luck in these scenario's - though I fully intend be a nightmare dad and take it out on any guy/girl my daughter dates when she's old enough

 

[Rÿcher]

When I first met my father-in-law (a former jail guard), he asked me if I wanted to see his revolver. My palms suddenly got very sweaty. Apparently, he didn't carry one while on duty, he just happened to own one and wanted to intimidated me a little al-a, "you're dating my daughter, treat her right and Mr. Colt .45 and I won't have a problem".

Just be yourself. Don't bring up anything embarrassing or intimate unless they do like the birthmark on his butt. Though that could be a nice ice-breaker.

 

[WillsBabe]

Good luck. I know it will go well. You sound like a nice guy, I'm sure they'll see that in you.

 

[Huntingdon]

Good luck. Try not to cackle.

 

[Mr. B]

Here I was thinking you were meeting them in person. Unless some catastrophe takes place in the background, what could you possibly have to worry about?

 

[RJDiogenes]

Good luck.

Parents are one of the major deterrents to a serious relationship, as far as I'm concerned.

 

[TorontoTrekker]

Thanks for the good wishes, everyone.

We started the chat a few minutes after 8, and finished up around 8:45. I think it went fairly well - they're very nice people, and they seemed to like me. I'll find out for sure later - my bf wants to chat a bit later tonight.

My advice, as a video-professional, is to not underestimate the medium. It can be your best friend or your worst enemy. Let's make it your friend, shall we?

I wish I'd seen this earlier. Like before I posted the thread.

If you don't already have one, go to an A/V or computer store tomorrow and get a separate mic for your webcam. The kind that stands on your table and points at you. If you have a noisy desktop computer (instead of a laptop), cover it with a blanket. Good clean, non-echo-y sound counts for a lot. (Test this with another friend first to make sure it works ahead of time!)

I hadn't considered that, though my bf tells me that he can hear me clearly if I use my headphones when we're chatting. (Without them, he can hear the fan in my laptop.)

Now, lighting: Put 2 lamps on either side of the computer monitor, each about 2 feet away from the computer. One light should be about twice as bright as the other. Also, you don't want the blue 'computer glow' on your face. If you have to dim your screen to make this happen, do so. Make sure the wall behind you is also lit, but not a bright window.

This would have been tricky to accomplish in any case - my apartment layout, particularly my living room (where I was sitting during the chat) only has one working outlet, and the one lamp that I have is already plugged in there. But I'll bear this in mind for future reference (I do want to get my super to have a look at the other outlet in my living room - I know it's not a fuse issue, but for some reason it doesn't have power).

And finally, look at the screen when they're talking to you, but if you're addressing them do your best to look into the camera. It's hard because you can't see their reactions, but you'll look a lot friendlier on their end.

This, I was careful with. I occasionally looked away (usually when I was trying to recall details to respond to their questions), but for the most part, I looked at the camera.

Thanks again!

 

[jamestyler]

Parents are one of the major deterrents to a serious relationship, as far as I'm concerned.

Truer words were never spoken

 

[trampledamage]

So, has it happened?

How do you feel it went? Thumbs up from your boyfriend, or did he spend the entire time wincing as it was all going wrong?

 

[TorontoTrekker]

So, has it happened?

Scroll up a bit. We chatted from about 8-8:45.

How do you feel it went? Thumbs up from your boyfriend, or did he spend the entire time wincing as it was all going wrong?

I just logged back into Skype (had to eat dinner first), so I haven't spoken to him since, but he seemed happy when we signed off. I'm sure they'll tell him what they think.

EDIT: I just got offline with him, and he said that they didn't say a whole lot to him. According to him, that's normal behaviour for them if they're content - so I guess I passed the test.

Oh, and apparently I was wrong in my initial post - he was born in the Memphis area, but his parents now live in Hilton Head, SC, so that's actually where he is right now.

 

[JAG]

Content is good. Glad it was okay.

 

[Holdfast]

Glad it went OK!

 

[trampledamage]

EDIT: I just got offline with him, and he said that they didn't say a whole lot to him. According to him, that's normal behaviour for them if they're content - so I guess I passed the test.

Them having nothing to complain about is probably the best you can hope for in a first meeting - well done!

 

[Mallory]

I'm glad it apparently went OK for you TT. Hopefully the next time will be in person rather than over the net.