May Challenge: Traces of Winter
- Thread starter SLWalker
- Start date
Hmm. Very interesting. 
I especially liked your use of description at the beginning. And while I know very little about the era in which this story is set, I found it easy to believe that Scotty might have a somewhat chequered past.
Nice to see some of the supporting cast getting the attention they deserve--though I'm still waiting to read the story in which Scotty loses one of his fingers.
I have one small criticism. The first part of your story consists mostly of telling rather than showing. My own instinct would have been to reveal that information through dialogue and allusion, rather than by simply telling the reader.
But that's a matter of taste and style. And to be fair, my own fiction often suffers from the opposite weakness, i.e. too minimal, too much dialogue and allusion, not enough description and reflection.
A couple of my readers have even told me that they needed to look things up at Memory Alpha before they understood what I was talking about.
I especially liked your use of description at the beginning. And while I know very little about the era in which this story is set, I found it easy to believe that Scotty might have a somewhat chequered past.
Nice to see some of the supporting cast getting the attention they deserve--though I'm still waiting to read the story in which Scotty loses one of his fingers.
I have one small criticism. The first part of your story consists mostly of telling rather than showing. My own instinct would have been to reveal that information through dialogue and allusion, rather than by simply telling the reader.
But that's a matter of taste and style. And to be fair, my own fiction often suffers from the opposite weakness, i.e. too minimal, too much dialogue and allusion, not enough description and reflection.
A couple of my readers have even told me that they needed to look things up at Memory Alpha before they understood what I was talking about.
Hmm. Very interesting.
I especially liked your use of description at the beginning. And while I know very little about the era in which this story is set, I found it easy to believe that Scotty might have a somewhat chequered past.
Nice to see some of the supporting cast getting the attention they deserve--though I'm still waiting to read the story in which Scotty loses one of his fingers.
You'll probably be waiting forever. ;-) Canonically, at least so far as TOS, he had all of 'em even when his actor didn't. The movies were another matter, since Doohan didn't bother hiding that hand anymore and the hand-doubles weren't used, but I dunno if I'll even bother with it.
There's quite a bit that takes place before this; this is more just a larkish bridge piece. But thanks for the concrit! I'll bear it somewhere in mind.
But that's a matter of taste and style. And to be fair, my own fiction often suffers from the opposite weakness, i.e. too minimal, too much dialogue and allusion, not enough description and reflection.
A couple of my readers have even told me that they needed to look things up at Memory Alpha before they understood what I was talking about.
I send mine to watch obscure moments in canon. Lots of them. Thanks for the comment!
I hadn't made the April connection for whatever stupid reason when I read On the Nature of the Wind...but just because I missed it doesn't mean it wasn't there in flashing neon lights.
But when I saw it here...that was a really neat connection to pick up on.
Anyway, I enjoyed this and didn't have any problems with it. Then again I tend to write very heavy, reflective prose myself, so I suppose that's my style to begin with.
But when I saw it here...that was a really neat connection to pick up on.
Anyway, I enjoyed this and didn't have any problems with it. Then again I tend to write very heavy, reflective prose myself, so I suppose that's my style to begin with.
I hadn't made the April connection for whatever stupid reason when I read On the Nature of the Wind...but just because I missed it doesn't mean it wasn't there in flashing neon lights.
But when I saw it here...that was a really neat connection to pick up on.
Anyway, I enjoyed this and didn't have any problems with it. Then again I tend to write very heavy, reflective prose myself, so I suppose that's my style to begin with.
I didn't wanna broadcast it too heavily, or it'd look like a cheap cameo -- he just happened to be in the area and available to fry up a couple cadets, and that's all the more I wanted it to seem like. Thanks much!
Well, then...I guess you accomplished your goal! And I feel better that I'm not excessively dense and forgetful!
Ok, here I was thinking you were going to write a stroy without Scotty.
Turns out my fears were unwarranted. This is actually a very interesting and plausible background story on how our favorite engineer came to be on our favorite little ship. I also like that Scotty was such a gamble back then. Who would have known that this rebel would become one of the finest engineers ever to wear the uniform?
Turns out my fears were unwarranted. This is actually a very interesting and plausible background story on how our favorite engineer came to be on our favorite little ship. I also like that Scotty was such a gamble back then. Who would have known that this rebel would become one of the finest engineers ever to wear the uniform?
Who knew? I did. ;-) He wasn't the bad kind of rebel, though; just a fierce-hearted fellow that chose friendship and honor over regulations. No criminal.
Alas, I tried to make myself write someone else. I really did. I labored and labored and tried to think of writing someone else. But I already covered some of McCoy's, everyone has written Kirk's, a few have handled Chekov's, Spock's, and... almost everyone else. So, unfortunately for all, I stuck with the one I know best.
Thanks very much for the comment.
Very nice! A very plausible back-story for our Scottish engineer. We know he's a bit of a brawler - who's to say he didn't get into major trouble as a cadet?
Great story!
Great story!
Very nice! A very plausible back-story for our Scottish engineer. We know he's a bit of a brawler - who's to say he didn't get into major trouble as a cadet?
Great story!
Yes... yes, he definitely did. On the Nature of Wind tells that particular story, right up to and including the high seas piracy and the court-martial.
Thanks much for the comment!
Funny how April ends up being the one who helps to rescue Scotty's career and indeed provides the formative step of getting him to the Enterprise. Obviously, something in Scotty's character impressed him greatly. Great story.
I think it was when the little puppy cadet stood up in front of the panel and declared that yes, he broke the law and the rules, but he made a choice he could live with or die with. Takes some steel to stand on your convictions like that; April, as he was written, had a soft-spot for rebels. He likewise saw through sixteen-year-old Jim Kirk's facade of rebellion in Best Destiny, and was willing to stand up for him.
Thanks much!
SLWatson, I would have liked a bit more conflict for us to feel April's plight as he tried to present his case for this cadet. Maybe our early Captain had to jump through several hoops before he (April) either won or lost....
With that said, I think the story presented a very interesting idea.
Now, if I can only come up with my own story!
With that said, I think the story presented a very interesting idea.
Now, if I can only come up with my own story!
SLWatson, I would have liked a bit more conflict for us to feel April's plight as he tried to present his case for this cadet. Maybe our early Captain had to jump through several hoops before he (April) either won or lost....
With that said, I think the story presented a very interesting idea.
Now, if I can only come up with my own story!
Oh, maybe.
But alas, the Arc of the Wolf isn't April's story. But why don't you give it a try? Robert April's a wonderful character, I'd love to see people write him more.
SLWatson, I would have liked a bit more conflict for us to feel April's plight as he tried to present his case for this cadet. Maybe our early Captain had to jump through several hoops before he (April) either won or lost....
With that said, I think the story presented a very interesting idea.
Now, if I can only come up with my own story!
Oh, maybe.
I'll see what I can come up with...
LOL! Pity by Robert April? A bit. Hard work, too, as well as some level of engineering genius. It all balances out; it also explains why a very diverse officer didn't make it higher than Lieutenant Commander in TOS.
I loved this bit! I know your stories pre-date the movie, but I couldn't help but imagine Simon Pegg's Scotty here.
(now off to read On the Nature of the Wind...
)
I loved this bit! I know your stories pre-date the movie, but I couldn't help but imagine Simon Pegg's Scotty here.
(now off to read On the Nature of the Wind...
::laughs:: Hope you like it.
