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May Challenge-- Terminally Ugly

CaptainGold

Lieutenant Commander
Red Shirt
A finger on a gold-sleeved arm pushed the communications stud on the briefing room table. Looking around to the other crew members sitting at the table, Captain James T. Kirk spoke in a stern, serious, commanding voice:

"Commander Spock and Lieutenant Uhura, please report to the main briefing room on the double."

The tension in the briefing room was high until the two officers stood in the entrance way, looking for a spot in the room to sit. There was none. The room was full of officers and other crew members, and most of them looked ugly as the two cherished and honored senior officers entered.

Spock stood silently in front of the group, and after a moment of uncomfortable silence, the other spoke. "Captain," asked Uhura, "what is the problem that both Mr. Spock and I were called down here on the double. Is it an emergency?"

"Aye, you coulda say that," replied a very dour chief engineer. Kirk said nothing at first. Then slowly eying his two officers, he said, "Please look at the main viewer." All heads turned to the main screen:

From - Stardate 3443.27
X-Account-Key: account2
X-UIDL: <20080512202019.32019.qmail@web4008.mail.ogk.yahoo.co.and.hu>
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X-subspace/authorization &&_)&%%$-Status2: 00000000
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From: <bluemonandor-zil.rom01@yahoo.co.and.jp>
Subject: From honored andorian Yinta-zil.romidum
To: scott.dewersdrinker@ussenterprise1701.subspacecom.suckers.sf
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--0-1298941044-1210623619=:80886
Content-Type: text/plain; charset=iso-2022-andjp

Dear Honored Starfleet Friend and Protector of All Andoria,

My name is Yinta-zil.romidum, and I am in need of you help in a humanitarian ground. I am of one of the high houses of Andoria, one of the great ice homeses you senn many times on video card from our homes.

I am married to Mr Reginald Southward who worked with Federation Embassy in Andoria for nine years before he died on the stardate 3001.33. We were married for eleven years without any blue child.

He died after a brief illness that lasted for only four days. Before his death he told me that my planet's ice caps are melting and water is pooling up in my home Since his death I decided not to remarry or get a child because of the massive climate change going on in Andoria which the sacred books of zil-gore say will result in the destruction of our planet. When my late husband was alive he deposited the sum of 873 bars of gold-pressed latium in a Bank here on Andor.

And Recently, My Doctor told me that I would not last for the next six cycles due to my cancer problem (cancer of the lever and stroke).

Presently this Latium is still in the Bank. Having known my condition I am in need of a HONEST Hearted Individual Starfleet officer that i will utilize this fund the way I am going to instruct herein.

I want somebody that will use this fund according to the desire of my late.husband to help Lessprivilaged people, orphanages,widows refugees from Klikgon violence and Rommuus duplicity to have a new life in Federation spaces.

I took this decision because I don稚 have any child that will inherit this fund, And I don稚 want in away where this money will be used in a way to melt Andor's ice faster. This is why I am taking this decision to hand you over this Fund.

I am not afraid of death hence I know where I am going.I want you to always remember me because of my up coming Cancer Surgery.

Write back to me as soon as possible because any delay in your reply will give me room in sourcing another person for this same purpose, Hoping to read from you soon.

As soon as I receive your reply I shall give you the contact of the Bank in Abidjan, Andor. I will also issue you an authorisation letter that will prove you the present beneficiary of this fund.

Many tanks as you listing to the voice of reasoning,

Yinta-zil.romidum


Only then did Spock address the room. "Have you all gotten this message?"

A crewman spoke up, "No Sir. Mine came from Delta Vega."

Scott said, "My message said 'Mira told me that you would want to see this'. Now I get them every day."

"You didn't reply did you Mr. Scott", said Uhura with tears in her eyes.

"Aye. I did." It was the part about the poor one armed miners that got to me. Now they be cloggin' up every system on the ship. It's worse than those Tribbles you brought on board."

"Dammit, Spock", blurted out McCoy,"you said that you and Uhura would have gotten rid of these weeks ago. You said the new span--"

"Spam filters" interjected Uhura.

Standing, Kirk said: "Enough. Spock, I want these off my ship by tomorrow or I will bust you and Uhura down to ensign and assign you to waste extraction duty until we reach Earth."

He then pressed the communications stud again. "All hands, this is the Captain. Until further notice, there will be no subspace transmissions to or from this ship. We will be running under subspace silence protocol 3 until further notice." Closing the connection, he turned to the crew in the room: "Dismissed".

As Kirk walked to the lift to go to the bridge, he was deep in thought. This crisis had affected humanity for centuries. He wondered if he and his crew could find a way to end this blight on the Federation, and keep the word of this from Commodore Wesley on the Lexington.
 
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Initially I thought your formatting had gone cuckoo then I got the point - slow today - very funny!
 
Spam, the greatest threat Enterprise has ever faced. How will Kirk fight something that won't be able to rip off his shirt?!?

Took me a second to get what this was about. Funny stuff!
 
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