Leaving home - for a LONG time

[Goji]

For those who don't know, I spent the first part of this year in Japan as an elementary school language teacher. I've been back in California since the end of July for summer vacation, but that ends tomorrow and I'll be back on a plane on Monday so that I can teach the fall and winter semesters.

The major difference is that this time, I really have no idea when I'll be back. I knew when I left the last time that I would have summer break in July and August. But winter vacation will be far too short to justify the price of a plane ticket. I'm also leaning heavily towards continuing on for another year after this one, which would mean that I won't have another sizable vacation until July of 2011. I'm only 23 and have never been away from home that long, especially so far away. It's sort of daunting.

Which is not to say that what I will miss is "home" itself. More like California in general. I was born here and I'd say it's a large part of who I am. I like Japan too, obviously, and I have friends, coworkers and a budding relationship to go back to there. But I kind of feel like my life here, the one I've had for 22 years, is well and truly gone now, or at least on indefinite hold. A lot of it was hard and worth putting behind me, but still, it leaves me feeling hollow somehow. I don't like it and I find myself having to fight it even while knowing consciously that my life in Japan right now really is what I want.

Anyone else gone through similar experiences?

 

[RoJoHen]

I have had several friends travel to China to teach English to college students. One of them just got back "for good" after being over there for 3 years. Yeah, she came back for summers, but I hardly saw her. Now she is trying to adjust to life back in America. As she has discovered, it's really hard to find a decent job right now.

 

[Count Zero]

Well, my family and I emigrated from my home country when I was 7 for political reasons. At the time, I thought I'd never see it again. While the politicial landscape changed dramatically a little later and we were back for a visit in our home town less than two years later, I was sort of right. For most of my life I felt as if I didn't really have a home. I suppose that's rather normal for refugees. Still, I managed to be a relatively normal and content person.

 

[Nardpuncher]

I'm in Taiwan now and I remember looking forward to going home for my first vacation when I first got here.
Once I had that first vacation and returned here to Taiwan I felt a bit better and settled in more and as of now I'm not even sure when my next vacation to Canada will be. I did just get back from a trip to Scotland though.

I miss Winnipeg...going to the supermarket and seeing what's new...going to the used bookstores and getting stuff I can't even get here and cheap too.
And DQ Blizzards! Holy Smokes I miss those!

 

[doubleohfive]

Goji, I had much the same experience after moving to California four years ago. There were many things I left behind that I needed to get away from, but there were just as many things I do miss. I know it breaks my dad's heart when he asks and I tell him I don't know that I'd ever go back to DC to live there again, but I feel like I've really found my place here in California, which has been a great new home to me. Not perfect, but then what is?

I'd say you're going through a very normal feeling and experience. You're young. Now's the time to explore the world and make mistakes and enjoy yourself. The rest will tend to itself.

 

[Colonel Midnight]

It's time to leave the nest, Sir Goji... Get out there and explore the world.

Not that there's anything wrong with California, of course.

Cheers,
-CM-

 

[An Officer]

Any place can become a home if you like it. It helps if you're in a place where you can blend in though, and you're not constantly made to feel like you stick out.

 

[Goji]

Oh, I don't feel that way. I mean I do stick out. But I don't feel like I do, and frankly people in Japan have been much nicer and more accepting than in California. I don't think it will ever feel like home, though. We'll see.

 

[AstroSmurf]

I may not have lived outside the US but I have lived all over the place due to work. In the last fifteen years, I have moved about every two years for a total of four states and six different cities/towns. After all that time and all those places I still think about my hometown often. I have every intention of moving back there someday. That place will always be in my bones.

I also remember the first time I struck out on my own, completely alone and with no back-up what-so-ever. For the first year I was very homesick. I missed all the familiar places and people. I missed knowing if I stumbled my parents would pick me up again. Being on your own is a little scary at first and finding stable footing takes some time. To cope you look back on what you know as a touchstone. But over time I began to take "home" with me. It wasn't the place; it was me that made home. As long as I have my furniture, DVD collection and my cherished pots and pans close to me, I am perfectly at ease despite my location. Home is a powerful thing and sometimes you have to redefine what it is in order to survive. Your family and friends will always be a constant reminder of where you came from. But there comes a time in all our lives where we have to make something... or a home... all of our own. Defining what that is entirely up to you.

 

[Finn]

It has been a long time since I lived in my native New England. My upcoming birthday will be my 13th consectutive birthday outside of New England. I hadn't celebrated Christmas in my boyhood home since 2003.

I do not see myself returning to my boyhood hometown, since the deaf community there isn't much to look at and the job outlook there is so-so. There is a minimal chance I'd go back to my alma mater to teach but I'm not sure I really want to go back to the place I grew up attending (12 years). A part of me wants to know that place only with the kids I grew up and all the teachers I had (a good number of them aren't there anymore).

If I go back to New England, it will be most likely in the Boston area. But I don't know.

 

[enlisted person]

Time flies no matter where you are at Goji. I left home and went in the Air Force and got out after 5 years and went back home. Its home but it will never be the same home. Thing change Goji, but live life and have fun. Its been a long time since I have read one of your posts. I wish you all the best.

 

[TheBrew]

Goji, I had much the same experience after moving to California four years ago. There were many things I left behind that I needed to get away from, but there were just as many things I do miss. I know it breaks my dad's heart when he asks and I tell him I don't know that I'd ever go back to DC to live there again, but I feel like I've really found my place here in California, which has been a great new home to me. Not perfect, but then what is?

I'd say you're going through a very normal feeling and experience. You're young. Now's the time to explore the world and make mistakes and enjoy yourself. The rest will tend to itself.

Same here, except I moved in the opposite direction. I'll go home to see my family every once in a while (hopefully at least once a year), but I don't think I would ever move back to CA.

 

[Holdfast]

Any place can become a home if you like it.

This strikes me as being pretty true. The old cliche of it being where the heart is feels accurate. You have to want to like the place to feel at home there.

 

[Mr Awe]

Anyone else gone through similar experiences?

Yeah, it's called life. And, it's also at this point that the expression "You can never go home" starts to kick in. I bet you the next time you're back at home, whenever that may be, it won't seem the same. Maybe that's already started?

It sounds like you have a great attitude about it. You'll do great. It's always a bit of an adjustment but I suspect that it won't be as much of one as you expect.

Mr Awe

 

[Yeoman Randi]

Goji, i've never left NY as far as living goes. I'd kill to live someplace else! Think of it as an adventure...and, that new and budding relationship could be truly wonderful. Embrace what's ahead! I'm excited for you!!

 

[Gryffindorian]

Jeremiah, I'm sorry we didn't get the chance to do a Bay Area meet-up before you left. It would've been nice to meet you in person.

I can only speak from the point of view of an immigrant. I first came to the U.S. with my family some 20 years ago and have lived in CA ever since. I love living in the U.S. I love California and enjoy living in the Bay Area. This is my home now, and I have no plans to go back to the old country, except maybe to go on a short vacation. Other immigrants often get nostalgic and reminisce about the good old days growing up in their countries of origin. I don't. Some have plans to go back and spend their retirement and twilight years in their native countries. I don't.

It's not that I had a bad experience growing up abroad. I will always cherish memories of my youth and still stay in touch with friends overseas via FB. My native culture and upbringing helped shape my values and who I am today. But I prefer to live in America for the same reason many immigrants have: there is nothing of value back "home" for me. All my family members are here. I have a future in the U.S., a sense of security and stability, opprtunities that my country of origin could not guarantee.

It seems your heart is really set on moving to Japan and living there permanently. So best of luck to you, and I know you'll do well in life no matter where you decide to go or what to do. Sayonara, Goji-san

 

[Goji]

Any place can become a home if you like it.

This strikes me as being pretty true. The old cliche of it being where the heart is feels accurate. You have to want to like the place to feel at home there.

It's not about my new residence not feeling like home, really. It's about knowing that what used to be my home and my life is still there, just without me. In any case I'll survive. I'm in Japan now and am back at work already despite still being on California time. I dare any of you to try teaching a room full of hyperactive 10 year-olds at what feels like 11 o'clock at night, while it is also sweltering hot out. It is an interesting experience to say the least.

Goji, i've never left NY as far as living goes. I'd kill to live someplace else! Think of it as an adventure...and, that new and budding relationship could be truly wonderful.

You'd think that, wouldn't you? Unfortunately it's come just a few years and numerous disasters too late and now it's only barely registering on my enthusiasm scale. I don't know. It is what it is until it isn't. Meh. That's a topic for a different thread, one that will not be started by me.

 

[Holdfast]

I dare any of you to try teaching a room full of hyperactive 10 year-olds at what feels like 11 o'clock at night, while it is also sweltering hot out. It is an interesting experience to say the least.

You know what? I think I'm going to leave you to that, and forfeit the dare.