• Welcome! The TrekBBS is the number one place to chat about Star Trek with like-minded fans.
    If you are not already a member then please register an account and join in the discussion!

July 08 Challenge: "These are your Voyages..."

friedebarth

Lieutenant Commander
Red Shirt
This is my July 2008 Challenge Proposal: "These are your Voyages..."
__________________________________________________

In your face! Ha. You think I'm going to tell your future? Forget it, little Crewman. Little Crewman, walkin' on the street... Okay, okay. What? Admiral von Schneider? If you think I'd fall for some old twentieth century film, then... ...oh. Okay. Yes, Sir. No, Sir. I beg your pardon, Sir. Pleasure Sir. Goodbye, Admiral. Well then, young man. Are you ready? Sure? A hundred percent? Absolutely confident, no doubts? Alright then, let the games begin.
Here, see this is you. Here you are right now. Here you are in two years, still on the academy. I think you want it a bit further on, so here you'll - oh, no, too far, don't worry, this is when you're a hundred and thirty-five. A bit before, and... ...here we go. You're twenty-three years old, this is in five years, so you're twenty-eight at that point. See. This is where your story begins. Here, this dialogue might interest you (that redshirt with the frizzy, light blond hair is Captain Drac Ipcul-Naej - he's Azerbaicjani - and the Ensign in the yellow elite troop combat suit is you):
"Drac: Welcome aboard the Efficacy-F, Ensign. I have heard, that you are the fifth wheet-doodely-dee bab-chee-wap unit aboard.
You: If you mean an agent of the s with an 'e' with a 'c' with a 't' with an 'i' with an 'o' with an 'n' and the unlucky number reversed, then you're correct, Sir.
Drac: What rank have you got?
You: I am a Corpogent Third Grade.
Drac: Oh, you outrank me in deep-dap whoop-wew. I am an Agent Apprentice. I just started half a year ago.
You: I started six years ago."
Oh, wow! This actually tells me about you. Cool. So how is it in laptan-teedle latoo-dah? Oh. Okay, fine. You know that I can also look at history and present with this? I don't care whether you talk or not. No, but, kidding. I'm in bam-bee-bog map-bap-hog as well. I'm Lieutenner Cologent One-six-five-three-oh-oh-oh. Pleased to meet you. And I wish you a happy dèja-vu for when you meet Nine-one-seven-three-eight-two-five-four-six-six-six. Oh, I mean Captain Ipcul-Naej. Anyways, do you want to know other stuff? Like? Oh, well that's easy. Okay, here are the ships you'll be on and your starfleet ranks. USS Efficacy: Ensign, Lieutenant Junior, Lieutenant; USS Enterprise-I: Lieutenant, Lieutenant Junior, Lieutenant, Lieutenant Commander; USS Prometheus-C: Lieutenant Commander; USS Voyager-D: Commander; USS Enterprise-L: Captain. That's when your ninety-five, ten years later you will become admiral, ten years after that you retire. Finally you have twenty years of a calm, peaceful life until your death, which will be on thirtieth of October 2728. Happy? What?
Crewman? Wake up! Hello! You there, Crewman, wake up! WAKE UP!!! No, this is not Madame Lacroix, this is Lieutenant Frithlesturd. You missed your school lessons! Section thirty-one? What's that?
 
Own comments on "These are your Voyages..."

^^This was kind of an experiment to create an image of what is said to a Crewman in a weird dream, and a while after it.^^
 
Actually-I think its a Temporal Agency intro to the first day out of the Academy and on the job. I like that.This. This thing. Intentional or not-I think it borders on brilliant. IMO.
 
Hey there, friedebarth.

Don't forget to post a link to your story in the challenge thread!
 
Too many "I"s in there, I still think that's first person too.

No, in my opinion, this one is fine. I did say that your stories could mix in some first- and third-person narration.

As for the story itself...wow. As Mistral said in the other thread, "my brain hurts."

If William S. Burroughs had written Star-Trek fanfic, it might have read something like this. :)

All that's missing is the cut-up at the end:

Here, see this is you. Here you are, twenty-eight at that point. See? This is now. And here you are, after two years, still where your story begins.

Now here, this is the Academy. I think you want it. A bit of dialogue might interest you, like that redshirt further on.

So here you’ll—oh, no. Too frizzy. Light blond hair is—don’t worry, this is when you’re a captain.

Drac Ipcul-Naej? He’s a hundred and thirty-five. A bit before the Azebaicjani ensign.

And here we go. Your twenty-three yellow elite troops are years old in five years.

So?
 
Brilliant story friedebarth! :rommie:

I love the way of naming Section 31, and the phrase "I wish you a happy deja vu" is fantastic.

The only bit that threw me was the end where the Lietenant says the Crewman missed his school lessons. Do Crewmen still go to school once they're crew?
 
If you are not already a member then please register an account and join in the discussion!

Sign up / Register


Back
Top