Job application time...

[K'Ehleyr]

Page 2:

"If we asked your friends what would be the 6 key words they would use to describe your personality?"

I see many ways of replying to this question:

Give them what you think they want to hear.

Give them what you'd like your friends to say.

Or post it on a board where you barely know anyone and ask what their impressions are of you.

So I'm going for the latter...

 

[Holdfast]

It depends on the exact job, but what they usually want are a selection of vaguely true traits, massaged as needed to present an image of a rounded, positive, motivated, hard-working, willing to learn, human without being completely devoid of personality as to be created by cookie-cutter. I'm sure you'll be fine.

Personally, I think these kinds of question are sheer redundancy, as any moderately intelligent person will say reasonable and non-incriminating things in order to get short-listed. Interviews are a much better way to gauging these things. In fact, I sometimes wonder whether the only reason they're included in applications is to check that you're enthused enough about the job to waste your time answering the questions... Less cynically, however, I suppose they are a way to weed out the not-even-moderately-intelligent during the short-listing process.

 

[RJDiogenes]

Do they also ask what kind of a tree you'd be if you were a tree?

Use words like "reliable," "friendly" and "helpful." Avoid words like "psychotic," "drunkle" and "Trekkie."

 

[SPCTRE]

Just wanted to drop by and say good luck, K'Ehleyr - hope everything goes well

 

[K'Ehleyr]

It depends on the exact job, but what they usually want are a selection of vaguely true traits, massaged as needed to present an image of a rounded, positive, motivated, hard-working, willing to learn, human without being completely devoid of personality as to be created by cookie-cutter. I'm sure you'll be fine.

Personally, I think these kinds of question are sheer redundancy, as any moderately intelligent person will say reasonable and non-incriminating things in order to get short-listed. Interviews are a much better way to gauging these things. In fact, I sometimes wonder whether the only reason they're included in applications is to check that you're enthused enough about the job to waste your time answering the questions... Less cynically, however, I suppose they are a way to weed out the not-even-moderately-intelligent during the short-listing process.

Well exactly! I'm now onto "Tell us something that you are passionate about, and are proud to be associated with"

The devil on my shoulder is telling me TBBS!

I battling with amount of bullshit I should include.

And we're arguing about this at home ~ the form states "how your friends would describe you"

Now you know I wouldn't lie

 

[K'Ehleyr]

Do they also ask what kind of a tree you'd be if you were a tree?

Use words like "reliable," "friendly" and "helpful." Avoid words like "psychotic," "drunkle" and "Trekkie."

Worse "if you're successful, how would you put the guest at the heart of everything you do"?

Oh come on... you wipe the glasses, smile and don't fart in their face.

~ see I'm totally in the wrong frame of mind to fill this in! see my reply to Holdy

Could be interesting thou ~ if I do get in they'll be expecting mayhem

Just wanted to drop by and say good luck, K'Ehleyr - hope everything goes well

Thank you SPCTRE ~ I think all will be a disaster but it's fun making up this much bs

 

[tomalak301]

What is the job for? Just like a resume, they're looking for the words that match their qualifications, even though I admit those questions and every variation of those questions a kind of stupid and like Holdfast said, redundant. Good Luck, whatever you do.

 

[K'Ehleyr]

What is the job for? Just like a resume, they're looking for the words that match their qualifications, even though I admit those questions and every variation of those questions a kind of stupid and like Holdfast said, redundant. Good Luck, whatever you do.

Oh it's just kitchen/bar stuff ~ but I might get in charge of "The Pass" which is very exciting ~ I have no life!

This is my summing up on the app:

I think the most important thing in the hospitality trade is listening, being flexible, approachable and building up a relationship with your guests ~ remembering names, preferences and whims. You should be amenable, efficient and hopefully make them happy and for them to leave with a smile on their face. It also helps to have a cake candle in your bag for unexpected birthdays!

I couldn't want this job less

 

[K'Ehleyr]

(sorry to DP)
But I'm sooooooo bored! I've spent hours on this and now I'm argueing with myself, cos Man has given up and I want to put something silly on the end of my covering letter. I know I shouldn't ~ but the devils on my shoulder

 

[Deranged Nasat]

Yes, I think by this point I'd also have an urge to stick something wild and ridiculous on the end. Surely not all the questions are as inane as the ones you shared above?

Perhaps somewhere on the application you can list "ability to resist near-overpowering urge for mischief" as a personality trait?

 

[RoJoHen]

Bar managers like words like "multi-tasker" and "sense of urgency." And it doesn't hurt to throw the phrase "customer service" around either.

 

[MANT!]

Supposedly a true application from a 17 year old to McDonalds but not really...
snopes will inform you of the truth..

NAME: Greg Bulmash

DESIRED POSITION: Reclining. HA HA, but seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.
DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible make an offer and we can haggle.
EDUCATION: Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
SALARY: Less than I'm worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS.?: Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearinghouse Sweepstakes.
DO YOU SMOKE?: Only when set on fire.
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: No, but I dare you to prove otherwise. SIGN HERE: Scorpio with Libra rising.

 

[Deranged Nasat]

^ I'd hire them.

Seriously, though, it is frustrating when they ask you why you want the job and you really want to cut the nonsense and just truthfully say, "because I need work, there's an opening, this doesn't suck too much and I think I'm qualified enough. What else?" But of course you can't...

 

[K'Ehleyr]

Yes, I think by this point I'd also have an urge to stick something wild and ridiculous on the end. Surely not all the questions are as inane as the ones you shared above?

Perhaps somewhere on the application you can list "ability to resist near-overpowering urge for mischief" as a personality trait?

That would be good ~ or not good. At this time of night, for this job I'm going to go for "cannot resist mischeif".
The only reason I have to leave my present job is because of the maraca.

And the photo of me playing with the maraca.

And the sign saying "the only thing you need to shake around here to get attention is me"

HOW is that not funny?

Will I add on the end of my cv ~ 'comes with her own miraca'.

Damn, dart and blast ~ can't even spell mischief. Right I'm English I'm going to go out and set alight to a car, and loot something, preferably a dictionary

 

[K'Ehleyr]

Supposedly a true application from a 17 year old to McDonalds but not really...
snopes will inform you of the truth..

NAME: Greg Bulmash

DESIRED POSITION: Reclining. HA HA, but seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.
DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible make an offer and we can haggle.
EDUCATION: Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
SALARY: Less than I'm worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS.?: Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearinghouse Sweepstakes.
DO YOU SMOKE?: Only when set on fire.
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: No, but I dare you to prove otherwise. SIGN HERE: Scorpio with Libra rising.

I'm DPing again ~ sorrry I'm stressed but I seriously love that! That is what I want to write.

 

[Stephen!]

Page 2:

"If we asked your friends what would be the 6 key words they would use to describe your personality?"

It seems like a discriminating question. Some people might not have any friends.

 

[Deranged Nasat]

Page 2:

"If we asked your friends what would be the 6 key words they would use to describe your personality?"

It seems like a discriminating question. Some people might not have any friends.

Thinking about it, how can a personality even be described by single words in a way that isn't completely useless and actually tells you nothing?

It's like they asked you to describe your thoughts on politics with a single sentence. Sure, I could say something like "I'm generally liberal", but what does that mean? How is it actually useful in helping you understand me?

Or is the purpose with these questions to see if you get that and somehow manage to communicate a sense of "ha, I know just as you do that this is nonsense, but watch as I play along and follow the rules while simultaneously hinting at my knowledge of our mutual BS"?

These questions are either really, really dumb...or really, really smart.

 

[K'Ehleyr]

...Or is the purpose with these questions to see if you get that and somehow manage to communicate a sense of "ha, I know just as you do that this is nonsense, but watch as I play along and follow the rules while simultaneously hinting at my knowledge of our mutual BS"?

These questions are either really, really dumb...or really, really smart.

I'm going with this

 

[Holdfast]

So, what beautiful work of fiction did you concoct eventually?

 

[Tan Ru]

Throw 'workaholic' in there too.

That gets 'em every time...................