Since I don't think you will regard it much seriousness, and since it has been hashed out for nearly ten years now, I'll just leave it as I saw social commentary in there regarding fathers and the development of leaders.
YMMV and obviously does.
I also thought Nero was a good villain who represents the average dude who once was a good guy, with a normal life and a job and who cared about his family and people..but then everything got destroyed and he felt betrayed by those in power he trusted when they failed to protect his family. He had trusted them, and they failed him. When he lost everything, he lost his mind too because he had nothing left but his desire to avenge his wife (and unborn baby) and the death of his home, a tragedy no one could quantify. His whole crew were, essentially, survivors who lost everything too (the comics did a good backstory for him. The tattoos they all have are a sign, in romulan culture, of their grief and those they have lost). Hard to say, for me, that it isn't contemporary... we sadly have a lot of 'Nero' in our world and you don't need to see them use the red matter to draw a parallel..
In general, I think this trek kept the utopian future ideals but also kept the characters real and contemporary to make them more relatable to nowadays audience. In a sense, even their Kirk is a tad more humanized in his failures.. and he's younger too and with a backstory that is no doubt influenced by its differences with tos (such as the fact he doesn't really have a father figure and nothing to truly believe into until Pike makes him see an alternative to the life he's living).
Spock himself is a social commentary. For one, he represents mixed kids and his portrayal is more contemporary to our time than tos Spock would be nowadays, and that's precisely because he's written as someone who kind of feels this repressed anger over the fact he's constantly assumed to have to choose between his two heritages in order to fit among vulcans when, really, who he is, his identity, is both human and vulcan. He just wants to be himself and have his mixed heritage get respected. This is something his father, who wrongly thinks it's a way to protect his kid, doesn't do but his mother actually does. When he tells her he's thinking about purging of all his feelings and he's worried she'd see it as something that goes against her humanity, she reassures him she accepts him and she's proud of him no matter what he decides to do. That scene is key because what Spock realizes when the vulcans insult his mother later, and they insult his human side in spite of acknowledging his remarkable results as a vulcan and accepting him at their academy, is that he just can't pretend to be who he isn't forever and that, in the end, is an useless attempt anyway and he doesn't WANT to.
In terms of his dynamic with Uhura, she essentially represents his evolution too. She is the only one he is truly able to fully be himself with.. the only one who knows about his feelings. When his planet gets destroyed and his father finally admits he has feelings too (thus spock's own feelings aren't invalid and they aren't JUST human), Spock is tired of 'hiding' and doesn't give a damn if people see him with her and know this aspect about him... but then the humans from the story - unlike, ironically, some fans - don't judge him bad for that (the same way, if you will, they didn't think he was a monster in the previous scene where he attacked Kirk and thus expressed violent, negative, feelings. They don't see him being 'less' just because of that moment, they all have sympathy for him).
In a way, even if some of you may not like to admit it, if it weren't for their relationship he probably wouldn't be able to be as open to friendships with Kirk&Co as he is in this trek because he'd probably be as closed off as tos Spock was (for all the complains about his relationship with her, if he truly were developed being completely devoid of emotions like some apparently expected him to be, that would put off ANY dynamic with him and thus including the bros stuff as well) - and he'd be less in touch with his feelings and their duality proving a lie to the vulcans telling him that they were only a human weakness.
Go watch TOS - nothing strange here.(You want TNG? Sorry this ain't it.
2. Uhura being a whiny little bitch.
She whined (and was even a scream queen) in a few TOS episodes again nothing non-TOS here.
She was smart AND a sex object in TOS (I recommend you go re-watch TOS - "Mirror, Mirror". IDK where some people, get the idea that a woman can't be smart, good-looking and sexy at the same time. Also, point of fact that in 1966 BOTH Nichelle Nichols and Grace Lee Whitney FOUGHT to get the TOS female mini-skirt uniform on the screen. They had it and didn't mind flaunting it.)
Extrapolated from a couple of scenes in TOS where they flirted on screen. Remember this is a different universe
You mean a Half-Human Vulcan (having troubling dealing with the destruction of his Homeworld and the death of his mother) made a rash emotional decision? How shocking!
to the last point, let's admit it Kirk was being insubordinate .. and really, he wasn't even supposed to be on that ship. Pike may have a preference for the boy, and McCoy sneaked his best friend on the ship with him just because, but that doesn't mean Spock has to placate Kirk and accept his behavior no matter what. And yes, the context of the situation was really stressful and Spock was already doing his best to not lose his mind thinking about what had happened.
As for Uhura, her beauty and sensuality was emphasized in tos
even more than in these movies (you all forget that the show was made in the 60s and by Roddenberry, like really..), with the difference that here it has more context and she is allowed to be desiderable for the leads, and she is allowed to be in a relationship, while in tos the racism from the 60s wouldn't make it possible for them to acknowledge her sexuality in a positive way and outside of the exotic woman temptress stereotype.
In either case, her character in these movies isn't necessarily sexualized much, unless you want to fault Zoe for being beautiful and people in an out of the narrative notice it. In that case, she is no more sexualized than Kirk, Spock and the others...
There is a difference, anyway, with being a sexual object and being sexy and have a sexual dimension in context of human dynamics and the portrayal of adult people. A lot of people have an emotional reaction over her scene with Spock in the turbolift, for example, and they find it 'sexy' not because the characters necessarily are portrayad as sexual objects but because together they convey intimacy in such a way that you recognize the nature of their relationship even if they are only sharing chaste kisses and a hug.
I'm unsure, also, why a woman must be a sexual object just because she is showed being in a relationship, especially when it's made pretty obvious that she isn't just a woman Spock is f*ck*ng but she is
his girlfriend and someone he is in love with and admires intellectually too, and he can trust letting her see his more emotional and vulnerable side.
And even in the scene with Kirk, she isn't a sexual object the way Carol maybe was in stid (or a lot of tos female characters are) because Uhura still had agency and she honestly made kirk feel more embarrassed for his undressed state than she was (not to mention that he still pays attention to what she was saying and is interested about that and it's key later, they save the ship). Their dynamic subverts the trope that the hero gets the girl, in this case kirk, and this alone contradicts the idea she is only a sexual object because, if anything, she's more set up as someone kirk needs to earn respect from as friends and co-workers. He can't get her because she already made her choice, but he still needs to earn her respect.
Also, whiny? When, exactly? When she isn't happy about a drunk dude making a move on her in a bar even after she said she wasn't interested? When said guy spies on her undressing in her own room? Or when her vulcan boyfriend is so concerned about favoritism that he very illogically overcompensates by interfering with her ship assignment almost making her lose the ship she had hard worked for? She isn't any more 'whining' than the guys are for every single scene where they aren't happy about the outcome of a situation and express that feeling. (in that case, you have McCoy who is essentially introduced through whining - about starfleet, his wife, the shuttle - LOL )
My honest impression seeing some complains is that some fans are not able to reconcile with the idea that the characters are adult people and not asexuate beings. I dunno how they even expect the writers to show certain aspects since even the most chaste kiss is perceived as too sexual to some. The request to keep relationships out of the narrative seems to come across as a request, rather, to keep the characters as kids or asexual (*fyi, having asexual characters isn't bad, however it becomes forced when it's always black women, or
aliens, introverts and nerdy men like Spock that people want to see asexual, not to mention some seem to mistake asexuality with people being unable to love and have relationships.. which is false).
It seems like some people have more issues accepting the idea of two characters finding love in each other, than seeing stuff like entire planets getting destroyed. Violence is more acceptable or taken for granted by some than more positive feelings like love. Why?
You can 100% like or dislike the relationships, of any nature really, as it's a matter of taste and whether they resonate for you (something we have no control over).. but there is nothing inherently offensive or insulting here.. or no more than you having relationships or seeing your friends having one. You fault writers for representing the characters as humans, and in this case (ironically) because a franchise like trek wants to explore the concept of a human/alien relationship and use it to show sides of the characters that weren't showed before. It really, honestly, isn't off topic or any more 'unnecessary' than the interpersonal relationships you have in tos.