Is she purposely sabotaging her own recovery after a major surgery?

[Tribbles]

Hi everyone,

My grandmother had a liver transplant on November 1st. Her recovery was supposed to progress like so: a couple of days in ICU, a week or so in a regular hospital room, then moved to an apartment on the hospital campus for anywhere from one to three months, allowing her nurses and doctors to check her frequently.

It's November 18th, and she's still in her hospital room.

The doctors say she's recovering well. Her vitals check out fine. However, my grandmother has said from the beginning that her stomach hurts too much to eat. She sometimes refuses to walk as is required. A doctor walked in when I was there (one week after the operation) and told her directly that she would die if she didn't cooperate.

My grandma still refused, claiming she was in too much pain. They put her on a feeding tube to get her some nutrition. They had her on several pain killers (which were terrible for the new liver, by the way), and she swore none of them helped. However, she gave them a hard time when they tried to decrease the dosage, and she likewise complained when they decreased her oxygen.

She can't heal being dependent on oxygen, pain killers, and a feeding tube. My aunt was able to get her to walk a little, and she started eating a bit. She was doing well for a few days, and we were all excited for her. The doctors said they might be able to move her to the apartment soon.

A day after I heard this news, I was told she was doing poorly again.

It had been suggested to me that she is being stubborn on purpose. The doctors still can find nothing wrong with her. They did a scan on her yesterday, and we're waiting to hear. Does anyone have experience with this? I begin to wonder if she is afraid she'll lose our attention or affection if she recovers. She's been sick for a few years, and I'm not trying to be mean, but she uses the illness for sympathy sometimes. Is it possible she enjoys the fact that her family is now tending to her 24/7?

Not trying to sound hateful against my grandma here. If she is genuinely in pain, I feel very sorry for her. However, this is disrupting her life, my grandpa's (he has been with her constantly since the operation) and the lives of everyone in the family. What do I do in this situation? I'm going to care for her next week. Should I broach the subject or just not say anything and care for her the best I can? By the way, other people in the family have the same suspicions...

Sorry for such a long post. I'm upset and confused and mostly just needed to get it all off my chest. Thanks for listening.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Re: Is she purposely sabotaging her own recovery after a major surgery

I don't think she is doing this on purpose. Her mood might be affecting her body without her even overtly realizing it.

Definitely don't confront her over this. That would probably make it worse. Just encourage her 'passively', as it were.

 

[Tribbles]

Re: Is she purposely sabotaging her own recovery after a major surgery

You might be right, Mr. Laser Beam. The mind can have a powerful effect on the body...

We're thinking though that we may ask if a counselor or psychologist can be brought in to talk to her if it keeps up because, like I said, the doctors can find no physical cause for her refusal to eat.

 

[Alpha_Geek]

Re: Is she purposely sabotaging her own recovery after a major surgery

My gf's mother does similar things, both when she was home and when she was in a nursing home. One of her falls here at the house finally broke her ankle, leading to a long nuring home stay.

While there, during one of her stunt falls, she somehow managed to wind up with a towel rolled up behind her head cushioning it.
This was the point that the staff put on the bed and chair alarms to know when she was getting up.

She's deliberately goofed around with her insulin, she's picked and poked at wounds with fingers and stuff like scissors.

It can happen, and I can't imagine what goes on in someone's head when this is going on.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Re: Is she purposely sabotaging her own recovery after a major surgery

If she says she can't eat because her stomach hurts, she may be right, or at least believe she is. Stress can kill the appetite. It's happened to me many times, even when I'm not otherwise ill. If I'm even in a bad mood, I will not feel like eating.

 

[KiraDax]

Re: Is she purposely sabotaging her own recovery after a major surgery

We had a situation like this with my grandmother. For the better part of a year she was going to the hospital at least once a week swearing she was in agony. They ran every test they knew of, pulled exploratory surgeries, the whole nine yards...nothing.

It was only after she overheard a very stressed doctor tell my aunt that he thought she was crazy and wanted to commit her that she (very quickly) recovered. Been months since she needed a doctor.

...I'd definitely talk to a psychologist. Older people develop odd issues.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Re: Is she purposely sabotaging her own recovery after a major surgery

Older people develop odd issues.

This.

My stepmom is having this problem. A couple of years ago she had a heart attack on the tennis court. Blood supply to her brain was cut off for just long enough to affect her short term memory. Now whenever she forgets something, she blames everyone but herself - my dad, me, anyone who happens to be in the room, hell even the *dog*. It's like she doesn't even remember she had a heart attack.

 

[Tribbles]

Re: Is she purposely sabotaging her own recovery after a major surgery

Thanks for your input, Alpha Geek and KiraDax. Hearing these stories lets me know I'm not alone, though I'd wish it on no one else, certainly! I'm glad to hear your grandmother recovered, KiraDax.

My best wishes to your loved ones, Alpha Geek and Mr. Laser Beam. I hope they both recover fully in time. I'm not sure if these problems would all be easier to handle if they were solely physical rather than psychological issues.

 

[Nerys Ghemor]

Re: Is she purposely sabotaging her own recovery after a major surgery

I hope, hope, hope this is not the case, but I have known someone like this. Are you thinking it's Munchausen Syndrome?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Munchausen_syndrome

Now, it could also be hypochondriasis, where the patient is NOT deliberately doing it.

I'm not a doctor or psychologist, though--so I can't diagnose!

 

[Tribbles]

Re: Is she purposely sabotaging her own recovery after a major surgery

Thanks for the link, Nerys. That might be it except that I don't think she'd take it to the extreme of doing something to actually cause a health problem-- but I would not be surprised if she were exaggerating her ailments. In doing so and refusing food, though, I suppose she is creating a bigger problem...

She has been diagnosed with depression before during her years being sick from the liver disease. Like you said, it's hard to know what's going on now without being a professional in the field. I hope we can get her some help for it or that she'll come out of it on her own. It just struck me as so odd that right when they tell her they're moving her to the apartment and she won't need constant care, she relapses...

 

[Nerys Ghemor]

Re: Is she purposely sabotaging her own recovery after a major surgery

It may not be purposeful, as I said. A hypochondriac may cause themselves pyschosomatic illnesses, but they aren't doing it on purpose. So, of course, make sure someone qualified makes the determination as to what's up, not people on a message board.

 

[RJDiogenes]

Re: Is she purposely sabotaging her own recovery after a major surgery

Maybe she's subconsciously afraid of moving to the apartment because there won't be somebody right there to help her if something happens; major surgery like an organ transplant is very traumatic.