Is it possible to be friends with an ex?

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous' started by bigdaddy, Mar 16, 2010.

  1. tafkats

    tafkats Vice Admiral Admiral

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    Yes, it's possible.

    Factors that can affect the likelihood of it succeeding include how strong your friendship was before you dated and how over the relationship both of you are. And you can probably expect some awkwardness at first as you both adjust to the changed roles.
     
  2. TorontoTrekker

    TorontoTrekker Vice Admiral Admiral

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    I'm getting along just fine with my most recent ex - we chatted on Skype tonight, actually, and watched an episode of Torchwood together.

    I also get along fine with two other exes. One of them, I met through mutual friends at one of the conventions I work on. Knowing that I'd likely bump into him again, I worked hard to stay friends with him even though I was hurt when he broke up with me. The other, whom I knew through my bowling league, I had a bit of a prickly relationship with after our breakup; when we saw each other, there was usually verbal sniping. Then about two years ago, after my team switched from the Wednesday session to the Friday, he came up to me at the banquet and said, in a friendly manner, "Where have you been all year?" I said, "Why, did you miss me?" He replied, "Yes, actually, I did." It was then that I realized that the whole thing had been a front on his part. I still don't know why he was an ass to me for all those years, but knowing that it was a front means that I can deal with it.

    OTOH, I wouldn't put my ex-husband out if he was on fire. Then again, he cheated on me, and married the other guy by means of the banns, which meant that he had to publicly state that he'd never been married before. Since we'd had a church service about six years earlier, I was a little ticked off. When Facebook suggested him as a friend, I blocked him.
     
  3. Capn Flukie

    Capn Flukie Fleet Admiral Admiral

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    I'm still friends with all 3 of my major exes.
     
  4. Trippy

    Trippy NaNoWriMo Victim Admiral

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    I wouldn't call my son's father and I friends, but we have a working relationship so my son doesn't feel there's any animosity between us.
     
  5. JonathonWally

    JonathonWally Admiral Admiral

    Same with me, I tend to be very polarizing I guess.
     
  6. Snaploud

    Snaploud Admiral Admiral

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    It's only possible if the break-up was both mutual* and amiable. Otherwise, the friendship isn't going to work (unless it's just a prelude to getting back together).

    *This is a huge component. You can't have one person in the friendship a) resenting the ending of the romantic relationship and/or b) still hoping that he/she can win the other person back.
     
  7. Venardhi

    Venardhi Vice Admiral Admiral

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    I'm very good friends with my most major 'ex'. Some of the others to lesser extents. I can't get a hold of one any more she but told me last I saw her that it was just too painful to have a friendship when she knew we would never be together. Another I moved away from, she got involved with another guy who died soon after and we just don't speak very often now. Some very short-term relationships I've just not bothered to stay in contact with, but some I'm friends with and see regularly. I can only think of one that actively dislikes/hates me, and I have no problems with any of them.

    People are different. "Can YOU be friends with HIM/HER?" is the question.
     
  8. Kestra

    Kestra Admiral Premium Member

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    Jul 6, 2005
    I've only had one ex, and being friends didn't work. We still had strong feelings for each other and when I started dating someone else, it didn't go over well. He eventually friended me on Facebook and we sent each other a few messages, but that's it.

    I don't really mind that we don't have a relationship but I am glad that there is no animosity between us. We've both moved on and I'm happy he found love with someone else.
     
  9. Rii

    Rii Rear Admiral

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    I read the title of the thread as 'is it possible to be friends with an axe?'
     
  10. Q2UnME

    Q2UnME Commodore Commodore

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    I really cannot stand to be in the same room with my ex-wife. Can only keep the fake civility going for something like 20 min. and then I want to throttle her... So my answer is no....

    Q2
     
  11. Yeoman Randi

    Yeoman Randi Vice Admiral Admiral

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    Am NOT friends with the ex-husband but AM friends with many of my old boyfriends from years past. I think there can be a really nice, special bond there.
     
  12. John Picard

    John Picard Vice Admiral Admiral

    Same with me and my ex-wife. Unfortunately, she recently roped me into two telephone conversations that lasted over an hour for one and almost an hour for the second. As usual, she blathers on about a bunch of nothing and drama occurring in her life, lathers, and repeats for the duration of the call. Simply put, she's lonely and/or pissed off at everyone else and wants a "new" ear to bend for a while. :rolleyes::rolleyes:
     
  13. kes7

    kes7 Fleet Captain Fleet Captain

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    This. ^^^

    Also, I've done the "Facebook friends" thing with some exes from the past ... that can be really awkward. Like when your first love whom you almost married posts an old cute picture of him and his wife, and you realize the picture was taken the day he cheated on you (with her). Ah, memories ... :rolleyes:

    (And for the record, I'm long since over the guy ... that all happened more than a decade ago and I've been married seven years myself! But I'm still not over being cheated on. That really sucked!)
     
  14. Colonel Green

    Colonel Green Vice Admiral Admiral

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    Not for me. We always end up back in bed.
     
  15. Raven_Shayde

    Raven_Shayde Lieutenant Commander Red Shirt

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    Personally, I'm not friends with any of my exes. Probably because they're either total wanks or cheated on me. I especially can't stand my ex husband. Luckily I only have to feign niceness for about 10 minutes when he can be bothered to see his kids.
     
  16. Lonemagpie

    Lonemagpie Writer Admiral

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    Yep. Of the three most serious prior relationships, two are close friends of both my wife and myself.

    (Before anybody asks, the third - chronologically the first, actually - became an ex by dying, but I reckon she'd have stayed a friend too.)
     
  17. Pingfah

    Pingfah Fleet Admiral Admiral

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    What counts as an ex?
     
  18. Raven_Shayde

    Raven_Shayde Lieutenant Commander Red Shirt

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    Off topic, but I love your avatar :D
     
  19. RandyS

    RandyS Vice Admiral Admiral

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    I imagine it is, anything is possible, but it's never happened to me.
     
  20. Lonemagpie

    Lonemagpie Writer Admiral

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    Spike's great!

    I love that episode, though the actual icon is a cropped screencap of the season 4 title sequence.