There is no such a thing as a selfless act. Everything you do is selfish. If you kill yourself to save others, you will have a good feeling about that before you die, for example. Everything you do is for "your own good" - and however perverted it may sound, dying can also be part of that.
By that argument, "Do you love me?" should be rephrased to "Do you love yourself enough to make me think you love me?"
So the world revolves around you and every decision must begin with "how does this benefit me."
I understand that, but that's an attitude that I will never proscribe to.
There is another way to look at it.
Our self-interest and our interest in others are tied. To my view, since certain things are
inherently right, the fact that we are designed to feel "rewarded" by right actions is no surprise to one who has heard the commandment, "Love your neighbor as yourself."
Where we have to take care is in allowing ourselves to be misled simply by feeling. There are other acts that can activate our feelings of pleasure than caring and good ones, so we have to learn how to distinguish which is which. To my own view the two forms of love must always be tied to each other. An act for self that does not consider others becomes evil. An act for oneself that
does consider others first can be a very good act. The fact that we benefit from it too does not invalidate that goodness.
The trick is acting for others where we don't experience that reward and that pleasure, or may not in this world. Learning to do that takes a lot of work, and whether or not we can do it determines how we are doing in trying to become more like Christ. That is my belief.