Imitation, Flattery

[Kestra]

Have you guys ever had someone who copies you too much for your liking? My sister-in-law is starting to drive me a little crazy. It's not that she has copied any one thing that is really important, but it's more like a bunch of little things.

When she was marrying my brother, they took some ideas from my wedding. Songs and such. Fine. I don't care that much about details like that. I thought it was a little odd that she recreated one of the shots from my wedding exactly, but it was a nice picture so that's fine.

My husband and I went to Napa for our honeymoon and we brought back an illustrated map as a souvenir. I had it framed and I thought it was a nice, non-tacky thing to bring home from the trip. She went to Hawaii on her honeymoon and they brought back an illustrated map and had it framed.

I recently bought these three huge frames, the kind that has one large opening in the middle and space for several pictures all around. I used them to put up family pics, so in one is a large picture of my mom and dad with pics of my family all around, another has a large picture of my in-laws with pics of my husband's family all around, and then the one in the middle is my husband and I with pics of our friends. When she came to visit last week she walked in and was immediately like "Oh, I bought some frames so I could copy your idea."

Part of me is flattered because this means that I'm not decorating my home in some awful way. And it's not like people are going to compare us or anything. But it's bugging me and I'm not sure why. We've been friends for over ten years so this is nothing new, though I feel it's been more frequent recently. Has anyone else ever felt like this over something minor?

 

[Deranged Nasat]

Your discomfort seems entirely understandable to me, Kestra. I imagine you must feel on some level that the imitation detracts from the significance of your own choices. Particularly something as personal as a honeymoon, or an inventive photo display of your family. But as you say, you also also recognise that it's not a major issue. Perhaps what's bugging you is the unease of balancing genuine feelings of irritation -- as if your sister-in-law, through no malice or intent, might be nonetheless diminishing your self-expression by co-opting your ideas -- and your reasonable refusal to overreact?

If it's been going on for years, perhaps that balance is being readjusted at present due to the slow build-up of potential irritation? Perhaps you'll settle down and not be bothered by it again soon, once you've restablished an equilibrium?

 

[B.J.]

It could an irritation from the (possibly subconscious) knowledge that the things that you put time and thought into are now no longer unique and special.

 

[RoJoHen]

Nobody ever imitates me. If somebody likes something I have done, they usually just tell me to do it for them too.

 

[An Officer]

I've had something similar. Feels a bit like you've just had pieces of your identity robbed. Feels weird at the beginning, but you can can get used to it without it becoming an issue. I guess it could mean this other girl feels so comfortable and familiar with you that it hasn't entered her head you might mind.

It also suggests a personality who perhaps thinks their own ideas are not as worthwhile as those of others, in which case she has more issues to deal with than which frames to pick. I personally have just let sleeping dogs lie, and tried to encourage that particular personality to be more confident in themselves without opening that can of worms. Once I empathised a little more, the irritation faded.

Why people put themselves in that position though, I'll never know... don't they feel a sense of embarrassment? Even if I love something to death, if one of my friends already has it, I go out of my way not to swagger-jack.

 

[RJDiogenes]

It's cool to be a trendsetter.

I can't tell you how many people have copied my fashion habits, speech patterns, mannerisms and odd sexual proclivities. It's flattering, but a huge responsibility.

 

[Kestra]

Hmm yeah, maybe these things mean more to me than I think? Or maybe it's just adding up. I know she's always admired me but it's just pictures and such! It's not like they are even unique ideas.

 

[JiNX-01]

Have you guys ever had someone who copies you too much for your liking? My sister-in-law is starting to drive me a little crazy. It's not that she has copied any one thing that is really important, but it's more like a bunch of little things.

When she was marrying my brother, they took some ideas from my wedding. Songs and such. Fine. I don't care that much about details like that. I thought it was a little odd that she recreated one of the shots from my wedding exactly, but it was a nice picture so that's fine.

My husband and I went to Napa for our honeymoon and we brought back an illustrated map as a souvenir. I had it framed and I thought it was a nice, non-tacky thing to bring home from the trip. She went to Hawaii on her honeymoon and they brought back an illustrated map and had it framed.

I recently bought these three huge frames, the kind that has one large opening in the middle and space for several pictures all around. I used them to put up family pics, so in one is a large picture of my mom and dad with pics of my family all around, another has a large picture of my in-laws with pics of my husband's family all around, and then the one in the middle is my husband and I with pics of our friends. When she came to visit last week she walked in and was immediately like "Oh, I bought some frames so I could copy your idea."

Part of me is flattered because this means that I'm not decorating my home in some awful way. And it's not like people are going to compare us or anything. But it's bugging me and I'm not sure why. We've been friends for over ten years so this is nothing new, though I feel it's been more frequent recently. Has anyone else ever felt like this over something minor?

Tell your sister-in-law (even if it's not true) that a you get your inspiration from books and magazines. If she doesn't want to spend the money, point her in the direction of the library.

 

[doubleohfive]

I can understand why you feel this way Kestra. My concluding thought upon reading your original post was "Does your sister-in-law have any original ideas herself?" but it was also tempered by the experience that I've had where I've seen something someone else has done and it inspired me to mimic or replicate it in my own home.

That being said, I don't mimic or replicate every neat idea I've seen someone do.

What does your husband think about all this?

 

[bbailey861]

This sounds very familiar. My wife cooks very neat recipes, decorates the house in neat ways, and always has these neat ideas that have really made this house a home. My family always wants to copy EVERYTHING she does and it drives her and me crazy. I get where you are coming from, Kestra, and you have every reason to be 'bugged'.

 

[Kestra]

Tell your sister-in-law (even if it's not true) that a you get your inspiration from books and magazines. If she doesn't want to spend the money, point her in the direction of the library.

Unfortunately, we're close enough that she knows I just randomly come up with stuff on my own. We used to live together so she knows just about everything about me.

What does your husband think about all this?

He just thinks its funny. I should clarify that she doesn't copy everything I do, it's just been more recently. And while she's way more intelligent than I am, I think she's just not as creative in the same ways. Is that horrible to say? With my sis, we can take ideas off each other and make them our own but I think my friend just doesn't think like that.

This sounds very familiar. My wife cooks very neat recipes, decorates the house in neat ways, and always has these neat ideas that have really made this house a home. My family always wants to copy EVERYTHING she does and it drives her and me crazy. I get where you are coming from, Kestra, and you have every reason to be 'bugged'.

I want to copy your wife now and I don't even know her! And did I mention that I gave my friend three recipes today?

 

[An Officer]

^ I think I'd quite enjoy someone hanging on my every word.

 

[Kelso]

lol, wow.

You should start doing ridiculous things just to see if she will copy you!

 

[Mr Awe]

Kes, I think you should just feel flattered. She thinks you have good taste. She may not have the most the confidence in her decorating skills and so copies what she sees works for others. I guess I don't understand why it would bother you. It's really just a compliment, unless there is more to the story?

Mr Awe

 

[Mr Awe]

I can understand why you feel this way Kestra. My concluding thought upon reading your original post was "Does your sister-in-law have any original ideas herself?"

For all we know, the sister-in-law may be brilliant in other ways but not so much in decorating. Personally, I feel very creative in some things, but not others such as interior decorating.

Maybe Kes could even work on a project with her. Family relations can be great or they can get really bad. Kes, why not go out of your way to extend a helping hand to your SIL where she apparently particularly feels the need? A perfect gesture of friendship.

Mr Awe

 

[Kestra]

Oh, I help her with projects all the time. We're really close since we were friends long before we were related.

 

[Mr Awe]

That just makes me scratch my head even more about why it could bother you. It sounds like a very nice friendship!

Mr Awe

 

[Holdfast]

I suggest going around wearing with a mask of your sister-in-law's face and seeing what happens...