Well I am posting this from a laptop in the back of Thames' van, miles from home, hijacking someone's wireless connection, so I hope it gets through. He can't understand why I want to tell my story to you people here. Sometimes I wonder myself, but I think I owe it to you now. It's all over with my girlfriend now. There's no going back.
And it's all over with Alicia too.
Here's how it went down. It was Saturday morning. I was sitting in my room again, like a hermit. Like one of the homeless people I used to talk to at the Soap Kitchen (except I had a home.) I couldn't stand it anymore. I thought about how Saturday mornings used to be, waking up next to my girlfriend. Lil' Chuck and Lil' Lisa running in sometimes and bouncing up and down on the bed (well that was mostly just crazy Chuck lol.) I knew the trial seperation was not over yet, but I just couldn't wait. I marched right out of my house.
You know those movies where the romantic lead marches all the way to where his woman is and wins her back? It was like that. I was marching down the street with a purpose. I marched and marched. It's quite a far walk, actually. But I marched the whole way. I got there. I didn't even knock the door. I just walked in.
My girlfriend was standing there, almost like she was waiting for me. And lying on the sofa behind her, IN THE EXACT SAME POSITION as when I cupped her breasts that day (that position is burned into my mind and soul) was Alicia. That could not have been a coincidence. How did they know I was coming? My mind, my paranoid mind, thought for a moment that myabe my mom had phoned them up and told them I was coming. But she wouldn't do that. She loves me.
My girlfriend looked strange. She almost looked...high. Spaced out. I actually ducked down subtlely (spelling?) to check her nose for cocaine, as I'm so used to doing that with her ex. But I couldn't see anything as I slipped on this stupid rug she has and nearly fell on my ass! I decided just to go for it now or never.
"I want you back," said, right away. "This trial seperation is a trial HELL. We must end it. Please, come back to me, Natalie." She just looked at me. Then she looked at my cousin who smiled that sarcastic know-it-all smile.
"You know, I know what you've been up to," my girlfriend said at last.
"What do you mean?" I asked. My heart was racing. Surely Alicia didn't tell her everything. She would have incriminated herself. There was still a small hope at this moment.
"Alicia told me what the two of you used to do. What you tried to do to her here, what you were trying to do to her even when Chuck and Lisa were in the house. I know it all. And the saddest part is I'm not even surprised."
I was floored (nearly literally thanks to that rug again!) I thought about denying it. I thought about telling her that Alicia is an Asperger and prone to lying and flights of fancy. But you know what? I did do those things. All of them. IN CONTEXT they made sense, IN CONTEXT they weren't bad and I think anyone could understand why I did them. But the fact remains that I still did them all. And it was time to be a man. It was time to own up.
"Yes," said I. "I'm not going to deny anything. I've been a fool. But I know what's important now. I want to be with you. I want to be a father to Chuck and Lisa."
SHE LAUGHED RIGHT IN MY FACE. :MAD:
"They're out with their real father now," she said. "You could never be half the dad he is, and he's an ex drug addict! You could never be half the man he is either. It's over."
"NOOOO," I said. "It's him, ISN'T IT?"
"No," she said. "I'm not getting back with him. But I'm not getting back with you. I knew it was a mistake to get together with you in the first place. My sister told me, my parents, even YOUR mom told me she didn't think it would end well." I was shocked again by this. "And they were all right. You're too immature. It's not even the age thing, really. If you were a mature younger man it would be fine, but you're not. You're like a child! It's like having a third child when you're about! I was on the rebound. Yes, you're a good looking guy. I admit it was flattering when you showed me attention. But I never should have let it get this far, let you stay here so long, let you think...I blame myself, you know. In a way. But now I'm ending it. Please, leave."
Alicia looked so smug in the baground. I just couldn't stinking take it. I wasn't even angry with my girlfriend. Every word coming out of her mouth was true. But Alicia!? How did she keep getting away with everything, come out of it smelling of roses and looking hotter than ever before? I almost barged over and grabbed her. But she was sitting out now and she had taken something out of her shirt. No, not her tits. A bag of weed.
"Relax," she said. "We're just three crazy fucked up people. We need to all go our seperate ways after this. But let's take some time first to reflect."
My girlfriend...my ex-girlfriend, nodded. She agreed. And I just started laughing. The situation was so absurd, I couldn't help myself. Alicia laughed too. Then my ex. Then all three of us hugged! It was so crazy. I felt my anger at Alicia slipping away. She was right. She was messed up too, just as bad as me. Maybe she WASN'T a master maniuplator like I had thought. Remember, the paranoia. It was real. In that moment I felt close to both women.
We then smoked some weed. Chuck and Lisa would be away all day with their father. So we weren't doing anything wrong. We smoked quite a lot of it and remincised in a way. Alicia talked about Batgirl and what had happened with her and we had a good laugh. My Ex admitted she'd slept with her ex more than once behind my back despite just telling me the one time, and we left. Hey, weed is good for something, I was so relaxed I didn't care. I felt so open now, so alive.
Then we started fooling around.
It was innocent at first, just me and Alicia tickling each other. But then I accidently tickled her under the tits. And she kissed me. Then we laughed, knowing it was the same mistake again.
"Hey," said my ex, so high, starting to strip off. "How about a threesome?"
I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE ALL THINKING, but it wasn't my idea, honest. Or Alicia's. It was my ex. It was a conesntual threesome between us all. Three adults having a good time. What's wrong with that?
For some reason my ex wanted it to happen upstairs in bed, so we went there. Me and my ex did some stuff. My ex and Alicia did some stuff and I watched. It was amazing. I could tell Alicia was into it more than my ex, but it was still great to see two such hot women going at it full lesbian right in front of my eyes. I'm getting a semi thinking about it now. Hope Thames doesn't see lol.
But then Alicia and me started going at it. Like old times. JUST like old times. So intense. So real. SO RIGHT. My ex was completely ignored now. She watched us then got out of bed and crawled under it. I didn't know why at the time. Then she came back out. Alicia and I both shoved her off the bed at the same time. We were as one now, in mind and body. We wanted each other.
Then I made a mistake. I put my mouth right up to Alicia's ear and I whispered.
"I want to cum inside you. I want to cum all inside you."
Now Alicia and I are always very careful in bed. We can't risk, well, you know, her getting pregnant. So for me to say this...I can understand why she was freaked out. Stll, she didn't have to pull off me and then lie with her back to me. It was childish.
So I went to the other side to look for my ex. She was sitting on the floor...with a bag of white powder. COACINE? What else could it have been. I couldn't believe this shit. Had it been under the bed the whole time? Had she stolen it from her ex? Had they been addicts together? There was so much I didn't know.
Didn't reall care either, I needed to get off so we had sex on the floor while Alicia slept in the bed.
A few hours later I woke up. They were both asleep in the bed now. I looked at them and made a decision. This was going to be the last time I saw either of them.
I wrote a note to Alicia. Not one to my ex though. I don't have the history with her. But Alicia? I owed her something. Here is what I wrote.
"I think I loved you from the first moment I saw you. Perhaps in hindsight we never should have done anything together. It was always taboo, cousins that we are. But I know neither of us could resist. People on TrekBBS said I took advantage of you. Because of your Asperger's. But I don't think that is the case. I dont' even think you have Asperger's. You're just different. Like me. They label you because they can't understand you. You are a sexual being. All the things you have done, with me, with other girls...you were taking advantage of us as much as it being the other way around. We were always equals.
But now I have to be the bigger man. We cannot be together. It didn't work the last time. We would destroy each other. That is why I'm leaving. I'm taking responsibility at last. I'm being a man. I'm growin up.
Goodbye, Alicia. I will always love you."
Parrot phrasing of course because i dont have the actual note!
Then I left. I walked home, satisfied, knowing I was finally a man. and whose van was waiting at my door? THAMES'S VAN! I skipped inside like a little girl. I was so happy to see him. Forget all the bad things I've said, he's my best friend and always will be.
We sat up most of the night telling each other what had happened in our lives. Then, in the morning, I said goodbye to my mom. The only regret is that I didn't get to say goodbye to Chuck and Lisa, but I couldn't go back to my ex's again. I had to put that chapter behind me.
That is why I'm now travelling America and maybe BEYOND with Thames. I don't know where we'll end up. But I am excited. I know I'm ready to face any challenge the world has for me. I have finally broken the cycle of destruction I was on. No more wrong relationships. Hey, I'm taking the advice of you all at last. I'm being a man from now on.
This is MadBaggins.
