If I was molested as a kid do I want those memories back?

[Jayson]

I was talking to my thearpist and he thinks I might have some repressed memories. I can't recall much about my stepdad other than I disliked him. I always knew he was mean and he abused my mom but now there is this possibility. Also unrelated but can a 4 year old, really try and kill themselves.

My mom goes with me to thearpy and apparently I took the divorce so bad that I ran out in the middle of a road when I was 4 years old and said something about how I wanted a car to hit me. They even took me to a clinical thearpist but I don't remember any of this.

Jason

 

[the Dagman]

As someone coming from a messed up family much like your own, along with the mental issues left behind, yes. To help you heal from the damage that was done, you need to face your underlying issues and deal with them once and for all. And you cannot do that if you can't remember what they are.

That's not saying that you will be miraculously cured once you do remember though. But it would be a step forward, and help make them stop festering in your subconscious.

And yes, a 4 year old can try to kill themselves. My sister did that very thing when she was 4. Drank a bottle of drain cleaner like it was Kool-Aid. Luckily, her stomach got pumped and she survived. So yes, it can happen.

 

[thestrangequark]

I think it's an individual question. If I could get rid of the memories I would.

And as to 4 year old suicide, it is important to remember that a 4 year old does not yet have a concept of the permanence of death. As odd as it sounds, most children do not fully grasp this concept until around age 10. 4 and 5 year old kids still struggle to accurately categorize things into "living" and "non-living" groups. So yes, a 4 year old may want to die, but she will not fully understand what death is.

 

[JuanBolio]

I think it's an individual question. If I could get rid of the memories I would.

And as to 4 year old suicide, it is important to remember that a 4 year old does not yet have a concept of the permanence of death. As odd as it sounds, most children do not fully grasp this concept until around age 10. 4 and 5 year old kids still struggle to accurately categorize things into "living" and "non-living" groups. So yes, a 4 year old may want to die, but she will not fully understand what death is.

I think that really depends on the 4-year-old. I remember being 4 and being very aware of what death was.

 

[Miss Chicken]

I think that really depends on the 4-year-old. I remember being 4 and being very aware of what death was.

I don't think any 4 year fully undestands death. For example, they might understand the death of pets but still be confused about the death of people, especially the death of children.

When a boy in my son's class died when my son was six, he really struggled with what it meant. He asked such questions as

1) Why did Ben die when he wasn't 100?
2) Why is Ben's house still there? (Ben, his sister, their parents and their dog all died together)
3) Could I die in my sleep like Ben did? (the family died of carbon monocide poisoning while camping)
4) Can I catch a plane to heaven and get Ben back? (I don't know where my son got the concept of Heaven from)?
5) Can Father Christmas bring Ben back?
6) Can I phone an ambulance so that they can save Ben?
7) If I make a wish on my birthday could it bring Ben back?

 

[thestrangequark]

I think it's an individual question. If I could get rid of the memories I would.

And as to 4 year old suicide, it is important to remember that a 4 year old does not yet have a concept of the permanence of death. As odd as it sounds, most children do not fully grasp this concept until around age 10. 4 and 5 year old kids still struggle to accurately categorize things into "living" and "non-living" groups. So yes, a 4 year old may want to die, but she will not fully understand what death is.

I think that really depends on the 4-year-old. I remember being 4 and being very aware of what death was.

You'd be surprised. There may be a very rare 4 year old who truly and fully grasps the concept, but she'd be one in a billion. I know it goes against what we think we remember about ourselves, but that's just the way it is. A 4 year old has only a partially developed concept of time, after all. Trust me, this is my field. I've participated in the research. Look into Piaget, and check out the experiments in which children are asked to place items into "living" and "non-living" categories.

 

[JuanBolio]

While that may be your field, I have very clear and distinct memories of being 4 years old and the things I thought about. Dial it back a year or two in my case and you might be right. I remember attending my great-grandmother's funeral at around age 1 and having no concept of her being dead. At age 4 I was very much aware of it.

Trust me, I was me at the time.

 

[thestrangequark]

^Our memories aren't as reliable as we think they are. I'm not saying it's not possible. But I do think it's more likely that you're not remembering accurately. It's a weird concept to wrap one's head around, but when you see it demonstrated, it's undeniable.

 

[Miss Chicken]

While that may be your field, I have very clear and distinct memories of being 4 years old and the things I thought about. Dial it back a year or two in my case and you might be right. I remember attending my great-grandmother's funeral at around age 1 and having no concept of her being dead. At age 4 I was very much aware of it.

Trust me, I was me at the time.

At 4, do you think you undrstood the extent of death? That it can happen to people at any age and that it was always permanent?

 

[JuanBolio]

If there's one thing I have in spades, it is an accurate long-term memory. How many other people could tell you specific details about a funeral that happened when they were a little over one year old? I remember sitting on my grandmother's lap, but I'd only talk to my great aunt and not her because my grandmother scared me. I remember thinking my great-grandmother was in a crib, not a coffin, and was sleeping. I remember a great uncle handing me a handful of change after I impressed him by saying my ABC's, and them promptly throwing it down a stairwell into the basement, and my mom taking me down there to collect it. There was a drinking fountain down there with one blue knob and one red one. This was in December 1984. I was born in September 1983.

At 4, do you think you undrstood the extent of death? That it can happen to people at any age and that it was always permanent?

I remember being not much older, maybe 5 at the most, and being worried about bleeding to death when I stubbed my toe particularly bad.

 

[thestrangequark]

^Again, I'm not saying it's not possible, just unlikely. I also have very early childhood memories, but I don't think I fully understood death at age four. Even for exceptionally bright children, it's not a concept that's easily accessible. The way memory works is strange, it's interesting, but strange, and almost always things are not exactly what they seem.

 

[Miss Chicken]

A small child can accept the concept of death more easily if blood or an accident is involved. For example, a child can comprehend that a gun can kill a child, but not accept that a child can die of illness or in their sleep.

Even when they understand death they might not appreciate its significance. When my grandfather died when I was nine I did not grieve as I didn't understood how much I was losing. It was only when I grew older that I realised how much he truly meant to me.

 

[Deranged Nasat]

I was talking to my thearpist and he thinks I might have some repressed memories. I can't recall much about my stepdad other than I disliked him. I always knew he was mean and he abused my mom but now there is this possibility. Also unrelated but can a 4 year old, really try and kill themselves.

My mom goes with me to thearpy and apparently I took the divorce so bad that I ran out in the middle of a road when I was 4 years old and said something about how I wanted a car to hit me. They even took me to a clinical thearpist but I don't remember any of this.

Jason

It is of course your decision alone to make, my friend, but I would suggest you try to recover those memories if possible. Let this therapist help you. The memories are a part of you, and while it will likely be very painful bringing them back into the light, the more of youself you have available- the more you know about yourself- the easier it will be to heal. Being able to understand what happened to you and how you can move beyond it will be easier the more information you have. I'm glad you're getting help, by the way.

 

[tharpdevenport]

Depends on if you were molested by, say, Ivank Trump. Then yes -- yes you do ant those memories. If molested by Rosie O'Donnel, well...

 

[Temis the Vorta]

I think it's an individual question. If I could get rid of the memories I would.

And as to 4 year old suicide, it is important to remember that a 4 year old does not yet have a concept of the permanence of death. As odd as it sounds, most children do not fully grasp this concept until around age 10. 4 and 5 year old kids still struggle to accurately categorize things into "living" and "non-living" groups. So yes, a 4 year old may want to die, but she will not fully understand what death is.

I think that really depends on the 4-year-old. I remember being 4 and being very aware of what death was.

I remember being six and realizing that I couldn't be sure what reality is. That there was no way for me to know that the world around me wasn't simply in my head, and that other people and events were real.

So if I was getting all existential like that in kindergarten, yeah, why couldn't kids that age understand what death is? Depends on the kid.

As for Jayson's question, I doubt that repressing memories is a better option than remembering them. There's obviously some kind of internal tension being caused by the repression. Something's got to give.

 

[TheLonelySquire]

I was talking to my thearpist and he thinks I might have some repressed memories. I can't recall much about my stepdad other than I disliked him. I always knew he was mean and he abused my mom but now there is this possibility. Also unrelated but can a 4 year old, really try and kill themselves.

My mom goes with me to thearpy and apparently I took the divorce so bad that I ran out in the middle of a road when I was 4 years old and said something about how I wanted a car to hit me. They even took me to a clinical thearpist but I don't remember any of this.

Jason

Jason,

You really need to examone why you waste any time on here. Not that we all don't spend too much time here, but you really need to focus on getting some help with all the life issues you've described for us.

 

[JuanBolio]

Have you considered, Squire, that perhaps posting here and conversing with us IS how he's getting help?

 

[Jayson]

I was talking to my thearpist and he thinks I might have some repressed memories. I can't recall much about my stepdad other than I disliked him. I always knew he was mean and he abused my mom but now there is this possibility. Also unrelated but can a 4 year old, really try and kill themselves.

My mom goes with me to thearpy and apparently I took the divorce so bad that I ran out in the middle of a road when I was 4 years old and said something about how I wanted a car to hit me. They even took me to a clinical thearpist but I don't remember any of this.

Jason

Jason,

You really need to examone why you waste any time on here. Not that we all don't spend too much time here, but you really need to focus on getting some help with all the life issues you've described for us.

I can do both. I am seeing a thearpist and taking medication and I am also trying to improve my life. Some time on the internet isn't that big of a issue for me. It helps even to talk about some issue's here.

Jason

 

[Data Holmes]

I think it's an individual question. If I could get rid of the memories I would.

And as to 4 year old suicide, it is important to remember that a 4 year old does not yet have a concept of the permanence of death. As odd as it sounds, most children do not fully grasp this concept until around age 10. 4 and 5 year old kids still struggle to accurately categorize things into "living" and "non-living" groups. So yes, a 4 year old may want to die, but she will not fully understand what death is.

I think that really depends on the 4-year-old. I remember being 4 and being very aware of what death was.

You'd be surprised. There may be a very rare 4 year old who truly and fully grasps the concept, but she'd be one in a billion. I know it goes against what we think we remember about ourselves, but that's just the way it is. A 4 year old has only a partially developed concept of time, after all. Trust me, this is my field. I've participated in the research. Look into Piaget, and check out the experiments in which children are asked to place items into "living" and "non-living" categories.

I remember being fascinated with it when I was young, was before I started kindergarten so I had to have been somewhere around three or four at the time.

I knew that when you died you never came back, that dead was dead. At least that was the way it worked as we knew it. But there was always so many unknowns. It drove me to thinking about jumping off the waterfall behind our apartment because I wanted to see what happened, if it was just Poof you're gone, if there was a haven, if it was another dimension of existence like a level in a video game, if you really did wake up in the "new system" like our religion said, if you came back for another shot or recycled.

Only thing that ever stopped me was the thought of my mother being upset, and not wanting to hurt her, but to this day I still remember the many times I would go out there and look down it, dangle one foot over, inch right up to the edge, but never do it.

My family also used to laugh because I wrote a will when I was 3/4 to plan out where my stuff would go if I did die for some reason.

 

[RJDiogenes]

Jayson, my opinion is that you should try to recover any repressed memories that you may have. These memories will be there whether you face them or not, and they will be eating at your subconscious. The only way to get any power over them is to drag them out and deal with them.