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I will single-handedly save Minnesota Tax Payers 89 million

Jethro Elvis

Jethro Elvis

Admiral
Admiral
Our misguided state legislators are asking for an 89 million dollar bonding bill to provide treatment for sex-offenders. My wife and I have spent a great amount of time considering how we can fulfill our civic and philanthropic duties and we are going to donate, courtesy of the Jethro Elvis Foundation, enough razor blades to cut off the testicles of every male sex offender in the state.

I don't mean to toot my own horn, but this is a change I can believe in.

Yer Pal,
Jethro (no anesthetic--being pain free is not a civil liberty) Elvis
 
Jethro, I humbly submit that about 10 pairs of $3 scissors from Wal-Mart should do the job in a much more entertaining fashion. Especially once they become rusty and dull.
 
Sex offenders have their wires crossed. They're f-ed up in the head. There's no treatment for these sick fucks. Nada... nothing... zip... They can take drugs, and they will work as long as they're taken regularly. Is anyone truthfully going to trust these monsters to always take their medication? All it takes is a few missed days of the pill and next they're kidnapping your 10 year old son or daughter.

The OP is right; Razors, scissors, sawzall, etc... is the only treatment plan with a 100% success rate. The Gonad Guillotine.

Now I'm not talking about the poor schmuck who at 18 was banging a 16-17 year old and pissed off her parents (and those things do happen).

I'm talking about the real sexual predators. They sure as hell aren't worth $89M of tax payer money. They're not even worth $0.89.
 
This may not be appropriate to bring up, in the midst of all this righteous anger, but what happens if you cut the nads off somebody and later learn you got the wrong guy? Mistakes do happen. I've heard tell of people with the same names as an offender (or whose address got mixed up with one, or some other similar bureaucratic snafu) and who gets visited upon by a mob and killed - or worse - by mistake. Wouldn't want that, would we?
 
Dear Mr Elvis. My OH humbly suggests a couple of bricks, which probably cost less than all the expensive hardware mentioned above thread. Every penny counts.
 
Jethro Elvis said:
Our misguided state legislators are asking for an 89 million dollar bonding bill to provide treatment for sex-offenders. My wife and I have spent a great amount of time considering how we can fulfill our civic and philanthropic duties and we are going to donate, courtesy of the Jethro Elvis Foundation, enough razor blades to cut off the testicles of every male sex offender in the state.
Click to expand...

Do you need more than one, really? I mean sure, the guys at the end of the line won't enjoy it, but if you're really looking to maximize the savings...

I don't mean to toot my own horn, but this is a change I can believe in

Yer Pal,
Jethro (no anesthetic--being pain free is not a civil liberty) Elvis
Click to expand...
While your ideas do intrigue me and I'm considering subscribing to your newsletter, you've left one key component out of your plan: Now that you've saved the money, how will you earmark it? Otherwise the politicians will waste it on frivolous things like fixing roads, or buying textbooks or something. Present a plan for what to do with the savings, and I'm on board - something like studying the effect of cow flatulence on the length of the Minnesota winter, is Minnesota really the state of hockey, how many games does the U win because they play on an international sized rink versus a standard size rink. Hard hitting, life changing, critical issues.
 
I humbly submit the idea of rain-swollen wooden spoons which have degenerated into mostly splinters.
 
Jethro Elvis said:
Our misguided state legislators are asking for an 89 million dollar bonding bill to provide treatment for sex-offenders. My wife and I have spent a great amount of time considering how we can fulfill our civic and philanthropic duties and we are going to donate, courtesy of the Jethro Elvis Foundation, enough razor blades to cut off the testicles of every male sex offender in the state.

I don't mean to toot my own horn, but this is a change I can believe in.

Yer Pal,
Jethro (no anesthetic--being pain free is not a civil liberty) Elvis
Click to expand...

Are you from Oklahoma? I ask, because at almost every legislative session, some Republican or conservative Democrat, in the State Senate, introduces a castration bill for sex offenders.
 
Robert Maxwell said:
Call me crazy, but I don't think mutilating people will pass Constitutional muster.
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This, not to mention the longterm effects of castration on the physical health of the human body. Testerone, and other sex hormones, are apart of everything from maintaining proper blood sugar to revitalizing tissues to preventing Alzheimer's.

One wonders if folks would be willing to provide either longterm healthcare or hormone replacement therapy (which comes with its own risks) in exchange for enforced castration.
 
Ah, revenge.

It's nice to see bright, enlightened sitting around saying, "He's a bastard; cut off his balls."

If you want to be the good guys, you have to do more than simply call yourself the "good guys".

You actually have to be BETTER than the bad guys.
 
Since, of course, castration and other mutilation aren't actually going to be committed by the state in this case, the actual question is whether 89 million dollars spent on treatment is more or less effective than the same money spent on incarceration.

On the one hand, treatment for this kind of thing doesn't have a high demonstrated rate of effectiveness. OTOH, 89 million doesn't go as far as one might imagine in getting and keeping people locked up - there is the cost of the legal apparatus to try and convict, of course, the costs of long-term incarceration itself, and the general refusal of most municipalities to accept new prison construction in their backyards.

Beyond which, evidence that castrating violent offenders and then turning them loose results in a decrease of recidivist violence is spotty.
 
People seem to think $89 million dollars is a lot, and it is, but not by comparison in most governmental budgets. I'd like to remind everybody that we spent almost FIVE times this amount on the infamous "Bridge to Nowhere" - and that's just one of many possible examples of boondoggles in our budgets. Compared to that, this money seems very well-spent. :techman:
ThankQ said:
You actually have to be BETTER than the bad guys.
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Sometimes. But sometimes you just have to be the one who survives to write the history.
 
I think a few people took the OP seriously. This is funnier than the fun the OP generated.
 
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