I think one of my students has a crush on me

[Goji]

And she's twelve, so let's not go anywhere we shouldn't.

I've been working as a language (English) teacher in Japan now for a few weeks. Initially, I thought I would be teaching older students. But my company employees a number of people who don't speak Japanese, so they wanted to send those of us who do to where we could be of most use. Elementary schools, because the students haven't been studying English long and the teachers are mostly clueless about it.

So that's how I became an elementary school teacher. At first I wasn't particularly happy with my assignment, but I've grown to like it. Mostly because it's fun, I don't have to do any actual work, and the students all act like I am the single coolest thing to ever walk the earth. Since I can speak Japanese, the teachers kind of do too.

But there's one girl in one of my classes in particular who is behaving very oddly. And it is weirding me out. During lunch, break and cleaning time, she'll play this little "game" with me where she drags one of her other female friends over to me and then asks in Japanese if I "like" her. The first time, the girl she did this to escaped, which... yeah, was pretty bizarre to watch. The second time I told her that "I like everyone as long as they are nice". She didn't like this, and told her friend "he doesn't understand!" and ran away.

Five minutes later, she was back with another friend.

Today she was in my class again and she asked me in Japanese if I have a girlfriend, and then "what kind of girl do you like?". I'm not exactly keen on discussing my dating habits with twelve year olds, so I told her "I like all kinds of people, especially nice ones." She thought this was funny and ran off giggling. Then she came back with another of her friends and threw her at me, saying she was giving me a present.

Yeah...

She also later stole my glasses when I took them off to clean them, and tried to follow me home after we got out of school for the day.

I gather that she is having fun, and that's why I don't want to get the Japanese teachers involved unless it's really necessary. Any amount of scolding is, at this point, too severe. All the same, I'd rather she stop tossing her friends at me, for starters. It's not my job to discipline the students, the Japanese teachers are there for that, but I am going to tell her not to push people around so much. None of them seem to mind very much. They might be in on "it", whatever "it" is, but I'm still going to tell her to knock it off.

There's just something inherently unsettling about someone half my age and half my size doing this. I'm really hoping she gets tired of this soon, because I already have. But I suppose there are worse things those kids could be doing to me. Then again, I'm only a couple weeks into this job. We'll see what they tried to throw at me next, I guess. Thankfully, it's all worth it. My life now is awesome.

 

[Sephiroth]

hmmmmm...sounds like a manga I read a while back (no not THAT kind, i think it was Negima!) but in reverse, my gut instinct in this is IT'S A TRAP! (wise words to live by, BTW) although she is just about legal... handle this very carefuly my friend, my advice is to speak to her candidly if she tries to follow you home again

 

[Goji]

Eh, I doubt it's anything nefarious enough to be called a trap. I live an hour away from school in total and take a train to get there, so there's no danger of her actually reaching my house. If it gets out of hand, I'll just tell the Japanese teachers to keep an eye on her. That's their job, mine is just to teach them English and make it fun. Her behavior is off putting to me, but I don't think there's any danger to anyone involved. My HR manager worked this job for years, and he told us stories about his students actually succeeding in following him home, and continually appearing on his doorstep. I suppose it's an occupational hazard.

 

[Kibbin]

An idea might be to fake a g/f back home. Not the wisest move I know, but it might get her off your back long enough thet she notices someone else. Otherwise and if you have to talk to her about this be clear and direct make sure you don't leave and ifs buts and maybes in there, no matter what they may be they will be exploited by her.

 

[Goji]

Any plan that ends in me having to talk to a twelve year old girl about relationships at all is non-ideal for me, especially since our job description specifically excludes anything that might be called disciplining. We don't have general teaching licenses, our role is only to provide language instruction. I'm pretty sure the Japanese teachers can handle her, I just have to get them to do so with about 1/10 the strictness they usually dish out for harassing the language teachers.

 

[Deks]

Why not simply tell all of this to the administration and ask them to keep an eye on the girl?
It's obviously making you uncomfortable, and it might interfere with your work down the line, so you could avoid a lot of headaches by going to the authorities and mentioning that you get the impression she is making advances ... which in turn are making you uncomfortable.

Of course, she on the other hand could claim you are making it up and might try end up causing you trouble ... that is, IF she is intelligent enough to pull it off (and I wouldn't exclude the possibility).

But, if you don't do anything about it, then she might just grow insistent down to the point where it could cause real trouble either way.

If you go to the authorities with this, then there is a possibility you could nip this in the bud before it develops into something problematic.

 

[Roger Wilco]

I think you best talk to one of the other teachers about this - maybe without mentioning who the student is if you're worried about her getting punished.

I'm guessing this is common and innocent and someone who has more experience teaching to kids of that age could have something valuable to tell you about how to handle the situation.

 

[Goji]

Yeah, I don't actually even remember her name. I've met something like 400 Japanese children in the last two weeks, since I go to two separate schools and teach at least eight different classes at each one. I know the class and I know her home room teacher. We all do lesson plans together, so I'll just mention to her that one of the kids is pestering me a little. I'm pretty sure the whole thing is innocent, but yeah it is kind of uncomfortable. Like I said, I just started this job, I'm definitely still ironing out the wrinkles that come with it.

I don't think I'd say she is making "advances" though, or maybe I'm just not comfortable using that word in association with a child. It seems more like she's playing around. It's somewhat bothersome to me, but I doubt she's trying to set herself up to date me or whatever.

 

[Bloodwhiner]

This is actually quite normal and something middle grade and high school teachers deal with constantly. You are not going to discourage her with discipline and trying to do so will only cause her emotional distress.

My best advice is make it more difficult for her. Start sitting near other adults, that will discourage her. Do not play her game and do not let yourself be in any questionable situation - that includes being in any classroom alone with her.

Otherwise just be patient, the infatuation will pass. (but expect it to reappear with another student in the future)

Also, do make an administrator aware that the situation exists but you believe you can handle it without embarrassing the child. That will protect you if things escalate in any way.

 

[the Dagman]

I'd bring it to the attention of her teacher if I were in your shoes. Being that you are merely a language instruction specialist and not the teacher who is charged with safeguarding the students. Just tell them the truth. You think one of the children has a crush on you, it is making you uncomfortable and concerned, and you are afraid of unintentionally hurting the child's feelings. And then step aside and let them handle it. That way you show respect for the child's feelings and for the teacher as well.

 

[Misfit Toy]

This is actually quite normal and something middle grade and high school teachers deal with constantly. You are not going to discourage her with discipline and trying to do so will only cause her emotional distress.

My best advice is make it more difficult for her. Start sitting near other adults, that will discourage her. Do not play her game and do not let yourself be in any questionable situation - that includes being in any classroom alone with her.

Otherwise just be patient, the infatuation will pass. (but expect it to reappear with another student in the future)

Also, do make an administrator aware that the situation exists but you believe you can handle it without embarrassing the child. That will protect you if things escalate in any way.

I agree with Bloodwhiner. Associating with other adults is an especially good idea.

 

[Jetfire]

Just don't do anything that will land you in the news.

 

[tharpdevenport]

Be careful. Even if innocent, even if you do nothing, remember: you are an American in another country (you did make that move already, right?), and you can find yourself in some serious shit, even if completely innocent.

 

[thumbtack]

Ask her if she has any yaoi manga you can borrow. She'll get the hint.

 

[Colonel Green]

Tell her that you go for older chicks, point out an extremely overweight woman in her 50's as an example.

 

[Maestro]

You need to take a moment and put this in cultural context too, and I don't think there's a better expert 'round here than you. How might this be handled within Japanese culture?

 

[Goji]

I'm not sure I know the best way to handle this sort of thing in my own culture. But, given that I am a teacher and that job is taken especially seriously in Japan, I think it best to perform the role that has been given to me and to allow the Japanese teachers to do theirs. Which is why, if the situation persists, I will inform her home room teacher and let her address it. Since she has been an elementary school teacher for quite a while, I am sure she will be able to handle it. I just have to figure out what all I'm going to say to her. I'm still rooting for "student gets tired of this thing real fast and the situation goes away all on its own", personally. I won't have her class again until Thursday, so there's still time.

 

[Kirby]

And she's twelve, so let's not go anywhere we shouldn't.

Part of me was really hoping for a Madbaggins-type thread. The other part of me was terrified that this would be a Madbaggins-type thread.

 

[RJDiogenes]

The next time she comes up to you just say, "Don't stand! Don't stand so! Don't stand so close to me!"

Or else use the Jack Tripper approach.

 

[tharpdevenport]

Tell her you are thye leader of a cult of Sunshine & Muffins. Ask her if she'd like some Kool-aide and Nike's.