Don't have time to read all the replies just now.
But you did have enough time to write a rambling diatribe of over 1,300 words?
Thanks to everyone who's been supportie.
LIES!
Not sure what the rest of you are going on about, as usual.
If you only knew how profound this statement actually was.
I'm having a hard time of it lately and some of you are complaining that I'm not posting enough or that my life isnt' "exciting" enough for you?
Do I not amuse you?!
‘Bout time you start apologizing. This season has been a mess.
I'm a real person with needs and emotions.
If we prick you, will you not bleed?
I can't just live for YOU people.
You love it.
I'm not going to just make things up to entertain you all either.
If this is real you should have a film crew follow you so science can document this shuddering clusterfuck of a life.
Sorry if my REAL PROBLEMS are boring you.
Can you please…one more time for the cheap seats…tell us that this is infact all real and in no way made up?
Why not go and read Goodben's Voyager reviews OR SOMETHING (they're really good, actually!)
Yes. Because if I want entertainment, I’m going to read someone’s reviews of a show that’s been off the air for a decade.
A crummy world of plot holes and spelling errors?
Anyway, I decided to start weaning myself off the pills.
A wise move. You’re obviously ready.
I started by breaking them in half before only swallowing ONE HALF and hiding the other half in my clothes.
How clever of you. I’m sure this is the first time in human history that a crazy person has decided to forgo their meds in favor of being crazy.
And humble.
But my mom saw half a pill lying on the floor after a few hours and asked where it had come from
Well, clever had a good run. Back to hapless.
(I had fallen asleep shaking and it had fallen out of my sleeve.)
Forgetting to finish simple tasks (like throwing half a pill away or putting it in your pocket) negates the clever.
After that she watched my swallow them. But I just kept them in my mouth and spat them out the window when she left the room!!!
Then your mother is stupid. This does not bode well for you as it’s probably genetic.
Unfortunately, this meant I was going off them far too quickly and I couldn't cope.
We’re only two weeks into this season. Slow it down. People don’t go crazy,, think that they’re crazy, get their drunken hussy of a mother to think their crazy, get diagnosed with the crazy, get anti-crazy pills, get cured, and then come up with fiendish ways to hide the crazy from their drunken hussy mother inside of two weeks. This should’ve been a 3 month long story arc. Opportunity wasted. I blame UPN.
I didn't sleep at all that night and I ended up sleep walking again.
Wait, was this happening before?
I found myself standing with the fridge door open eating a slice of cheese with no knowledge of how I got there.
Mmmm….64 slices of American cheese…
Cheese is frightening. I’m glad you survived the ordeal to regale us all with this important detail.
It realy revealed to me the fragile nature of our own excistence, how all we really know is what was can perceive and how the nature of our perception can be changed when something goes wrong with our minds.
Cheese did this? Yeah. You’re in no way crazy.
And also I remembered that you're not supposed to eat cheese late at night because you have bad dreams.
You’re whole life has been a bad dream
SPOLIER ALERT! In the series finale he’ll wake up like Newhart. All this is a bad dream.
I got back to bed without mom noticing,
This isn’t important unless you’re sleeping with your mother.
Are you sleeping with your mother?
but I did have a bad dream about Thames and Matthew and lots of other people all turned into cyborgs and mocking me and chasing me and Alicia was driving the van but she was crazy and crashed it into a wall!
OMG! IS THIS IS DREAM?!?!
But then I woke up and knew it was just a dream.
Whew.
Today, mom told me that Thames was coming over.
Ah. This thread just got interesting.
She had apparently decided this without me,
Yes, as you just mentioned since you said she “told you”. This would point to a decision being made in your absence.
thinking it was for the best!
THAT WHORE!
She said she was trying to return some "normalcy" to my life.
So at the tender age of…20something…
madbaggins’ mom “cares”.
It’s not like you’re not about to smack her in the face with obvious signs to the contrary.
I was scared and thought of taking the pills again instead of spitting them out, just to cope with the anxiety of seeing the Thamesmachine. But I decided to be strong and kept spitting them out.
Because fuck you modern medicine!
Besides, I wanted to be MYSELF when I saw him.
But “yourself” is crazy.
I wanted to know ONCE AND FOR ALL if I did lust over him, if I was in love with him,
You should’ve masturbated right there. It’s the only way to be sure.
or if it had all been a creation of my mind.
AH HA!
SPOILER ALERT: It’ll be like St. Elsewhere.
I looked out my window when I heard him pull up. I was horrified.
But he pulled up in the Brokeback Van, that must’ve filled you with tingly memories of yestermonth.
He brought Chubby Bitch with him, his stupid dumbfuck girlthing FUCKFRIEND. He brought that fat whoreslut to my house.
How dare he want to share things with you!
SPOILER ALERT: He’ll literally share her with him in a couple of days (months).
WHY WHY WHY FUCKING WHY FUCKING WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WOULD HE FUCKING DO THAT SHIT, WHY WOULD HE PULL THAT ON ME, WHY DID HE GO THAT WAY, WHY DID THINGS GO DOWN IN THAT MANNER, WHY WHY FUCKING WHY FUCKING WHY WOULD HE FUCKING DO THAT
To get your mind working on a way that you can get her pregnant and pin it all on Thames so next season we get to deal with you trying to raise your 10 year old son with hilarious results.
NEEDLESS EXPOSITION MAKES SQUIGGY ANGRY!
I punched my own neck in anger. It was instinctive.
It’s what we all do when we get mad. We punch ourselves in the next. You shouldn’t question this.
I broke the mirror. I briefly thought of cutting myself with the glass, but thenI got worried because the mirror was quite old and I might get an infection.
Not to mention that pesky “lack of blood because it’s all gushing out my artery” problem you’d soon experience it.
WHY WOULD HE BRING THAT THING TO MY HOME
We’re done with that. Move on.
I knew then I didn't live THE BIG IDIOT.
Because he ignored the feeling you never shared with him? That heartless prick!
IT WAS COMING DOWN THE DRIVE WITH HIM. JABBA THE HUTT'S UGLIER TWIN SISTER WHO WAS BLACK.
It’s the sign of a poorly written show when they make characters stereotypes of themselves.
[ENTER JEROME (a black man) TO SOUNDS OF KC AND THE SUNSHINE BAND)
JEROME: What’s happenin’, jive turkeys?
You’ve avoided this by saying she’s black. Well done. You’ve done the thinking for us.
I ran down the stairs and said to mom "I DO NOT WANT THAT THING THAT WOMAN TO COME IN HERE WITH HIM. I'm not up to facing ANYONE but THAMES, get her OUT OF MY FACE!!!!" and I'm ashamed to admit I started crying.
No. You started crying…
like a wrestler.
I think mom knew in that instant that I'd stopped taking the pills
No! Totally normal reactions.
as she said "you've stopped taking the pills."
And still you only “think” your mom knows.
But it was okay because mom went to the door and explained to Thames (who probably translated for his fat friend, I doubt she understands standard english)
As she is so fat…or is it her blackness?
that the foodmonster wasn't allowed in (I doubt it would have fit through the door anyway lol.)
LOLOLOLOL
Instead I was left having an awkward conversation with Thames.
I’m trying to resist the urge to rename Thames something less grating. I know. TIM. Tim will be his new name because that sounds less retarded to my sensitive American ears.
Me: So you got back with HER.
What’s with all this “back with” business. Were they ever not together?
Tim: Yeah dude, she's my main squeeze. (He always uses that phrase as he thinks it's funny. IT ISN'T.)
We know. Your one and only friend in the world is pretty lame.
Me: Yeah there's a lot of her to squeeze.
Tim: Hehe.
Me: Shut up.
Normal reaction.
Tim: Look, Mrs Baggins (not her real name) told me you haven't been right in the head since you got back.
Or before.
Me: Maybe I wasn't right before. Maybe I've NEVER been right. Maybe I was born mentally ill as fuck, you ever think of that you dog? (I don't know why I called him a dog.)
Poor writing. That’s why.
Tim: You seemed fine in the van. Then again, we were so busy fucking hot bitches that it was hard to tell, hehe.
Who talks like this?
The line was supposed to read “I miss the mountain”.
Tim: You miss the pussy mandog, me too.
“Mandog?”
Me: NO. I miss the van. I miss...YOU. And the van. And the pussy.
Good save.
Tim: Yeah, we were free weren't we, no responsibilities.
So…like your normal life then?
Me: Let's run away again.
Tim: Shit I can't do that, got no money, man.
Me: I don't care, I'll pay for you, please, come with me.
As you’ve mentioned earlier this week, you have no job…you’re also crazy.
Tim: Dude, I can't, got to grow up, you know, need to get a decent job. I'm thinking of getting a college diploma...
You know they just hand those out these days!
ME: OH THAT'S RIGHT. LEAVE ME, LIKE THEY ALL DO. GROW UP, MOVE ON. LIKE ALICIA. LIKE CHUCK AND LISA. LIKE EVERYONE I LOVE.
You have it backwards. Luckily your propensity to walk out on people is well documented by you on this very website.
Tim: Dude what the fuck?
Me: GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT.
I stood up and pointed at the door as if to say "GET OUT" to him. He got up.
You also repeatedly said “GET OUT”.
Tim: Dude, you need to get help and shit.
Me: FUCK YOU.
If this is verbatim you need to fire your writing staff.
He left. And, yes, since you all love ALL the details of my life and want me to be honest, YES, OKAY, I LOOKED AT HIS ASS AS HE LEFT. I CHECKED OUT HIS BUTT. Why did I do this? I had already planned to, to seee if I felt ANYTHING sexual towards him.
And I did.
Excellent
I hate myself. But it was small.
It’ll grow!
And it might have been the adreneline in my brain. I was so hyped up. I don't even like his ass normally. I don't even know. I can't trust my brain, I can't trust my perception, I can't trust reality.
Again with this perception and reality shit? Damnit. This is where I tune out. I tivo this for the raw-fucking…not this deep questioning of the meaning of live and the origins of the universe.
I don't know what to do. I went back to my room straight away and haven't left since. I still haven't even masturbated.
SPOILER ALERT! He visits a hooker.
SPOILER ALERT SQUARED:
)
