Well, I told Thames I'm NOT going back to work on the bakery with him.
Aww dagnabit!
You're going to drag this out all season, aren't you?
He looked hurt (we were talking by webcam)
Oh, he's a dirty camwhore.
and I felt ashamed so I stepped away from the computer.
This is a perfectly normal thing to do while having a conversation with someone, nothing odd there at all.
Then I could hear him asking where I'd went.
Clearly Thames isn't experienced at talking to other people like you and I are.
I shouted "there's someone in the backyard!" then managed to sneak up and turn the camera off.
Yup, the best way to end a gay friendship is to pretend that you've been violently murdered.
No you're not.
Even if I WAS gay (I'm not)
You are.
Yeah, I'm sure you'll find lots of people who love spending time with someone who pretends they've been killed to get out of a conversation.
And the thought of buttsex.
Buttsex in a van.
Closeness comes from buttsex.
Freedom from the confusion caused by the clitoris.
It was the best thing to do to move on from the Thamester (a stupid name he made people call him five years ago, then forgot about.)
And yet you remembered. It must be love.
The only problem is that when I met her I had told her I was a professional wrestler.
A perfectly reasonable lie.
It was only a little white lie.
No, a little white lie is when you're bending the truth in order to protect someone, you're lying as an attempt to bone her in order to overcompensate for wanting to have buttsex in a van with the Thamester.
I DID train to be a wrestler a while ago, as Squiggy and Trekker will remember (and possibly Scott.) I was quit good at it too. I had to quit for various reasons. But I could go back anytime! So really it wasn't all that bad.
Actually, you're right with that one. For someone that fucked their cousin, lying to impress a woman doesn't seem like such a big deal.
The problem is that she mailed me back today and said she'd been reading about wrestling on wikipedia and had heard a lot of wrestlers die young and it's dangerous.
And she was thinking about marrying you and having kids too.
I tried to reassure her by telling her I "know how to fall" and that I don't eat any drugs like other wrestlers
Wrestlers eat pot brownies before matches?
or inject steroids up my asshole (seriously, that's how they take them, I saw a documentary) to make myself big.
No, but I bet thinking about the Thamester up your asshole makes you go big, eh? Eh?
For some reason I quickly wrote an email saying my name is "Mad Baggins" (I couldn't think of anything else!) and my wrestling gimmick is that I'm a hobbit, even though I'm fully grown, so I must have drunk Ent-draught to make myself big. I added that Ent-draught could be used as an allegory for drug-taking in wrestling and that this was ironic as Tolkien didn't like allegory. This was probably a more complex backstory than most wrestling characters really have.
This is definitely a more complex backstory than most wrestling fans can understand.
She replied with more pics of herself. She's so hot. She's quite short but her ass is really nice.
Have you ever thought that your focus on asses might have been a subconscious yearning for buttsex with men?
I can't believe I almost thought about going gay.
You didn't think about it, you actually are gay.
I mean, I can see how men can be sexually attractive
Because you're gay.
and I sometimes get erections thinking about them,
Because you're gay.
but they can't compare to girls.
Because you're overcompensating for being gay.
I'll look for a job next week, there's no hurry.
Yeah, because you're bound to find a good job in this economy. There's no need to put any effort in at all.
Has anyone here ever been in a long distance relationship?
Look, I'm flattered and everything, but I'm going to have to turn this offer down. I'm just not into gay guys.
