I think I'm in love with my best friend!

[TheGodBen]

Season 2 was all over the place AND very weak. Season One as awesome and last season was pretty darn good.

I guess I'll stick with it then, if only so I wont be lost in season 3, and Thames was mentioned in the last episode so maybe there will be some important back-story that I'll need to know for this season.

MadBaggins, rather than drag this out for months on end--which I know you'd prefer, because it would keep this thread going all year--just fucking say something to him and feel out the issue, so to speak.

MB, listen to the man! What made the first season so EPIC was that you didn't drag out the cousin situation, you fucked her on page 12. We were all expecting you to drag it much longer, so the fact that it happened so early was a great plot twist and it allowed the rest of the season to develop in unexpected ways. If you're going to drag out this Thames situation until the final few episodes of the season then you will have become disappointingly conventional.

 

[RAMA]

*Hums quietly in the corner*

 

[Squiggy]

MadBaggins, rather than drag this out for months on end--which I know you'd prefer, because it would keep this thread going all year--just fucking say something to him and feel out the issue, so to speak. He's supposed to be your best friend, right? So drop some hints about how you're feeling and see if he reciprocates. If he doesn't, you know he only digs chicks. And if he does, well, "Brokeback Baggins" is a go.

I'd still try to hit the "chunky chick" too, though. Just as a hedge.

I would say something about the lady, but I'm afraid I'd get the thread locked and a mid-season cancellation would tear a hole in the fabric of the universe.

 

[Australis]

*Hums quietly in the corner*

Uuhhh... is that a euphemism?

On topic.

MB, take the job.

You need money.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder, familiarity breeds contempt. You see him each day, in a work situation, might not be so much fun.

And we would like to see where your adventures take you next.

Chin up! It can only get better!

 

[archeryguy1701]

MB, I really glad you started the new season when you did, I really needed a laugh today. While your tales aren't really funny, it does give me the chance to see some of Squiggy's and Trekker's better work.

Thames called and said he's going to go back to working in the bakery where we used to work and said he can get me a job there too. What should I do?

Because I know how horribly wrong it will go, because I want to see it, and because i know you will do whatever we don't tell you to do (don't deny it, laddie), I am going to say don't go to the bakery because it will end badly for all involved. But don't disappoint you audience.

which made me happy, then made me angry at being happy, then I punched myself in the face.

Single greatest quote on the interwebs!

 

[sidious618]

which made me happy, then made me angry at being happy, then I punched myself in the face.

Single greatest quote on the interwebs!

I loved that one, too.

 

[Australis]

^ Mmmm, I think a new sig might be coming on...

 

[Kommander]

I found some spoilers for the rest of the season:

MadBaggins goes back to work at the bakery with Thames.

After carrying several bags of flower or whatever heavy shit people carry around at bakeries, Thames, due to the summer heat and the constantly running ovens, feels over-heated. He takes off his shirt and dumps a bottle of water over his head. MadBaggins, after watching beads of water roll over Thames's ebony skin and perfect abs, he can't resist and throws himself at Thames.

Thames is shocked and a little disgusted, and for the next week or so an awkward silence fills their days at work.

Thames eventually confesses he's also in love with MadBaggins, but things are going well with the girl he's seeing, and his family wouldn't understand, so he wants to keep things between them a secret.

A few days of secret buttsex sessions and almost getting caught.

Alicia finds out and blackmails MadBaggins: either he starts having sex with her again or she tells everyone about the buttsex. MadBaggins goes along with it to protect Thames.

Alicia tells everyone anyway, and Thames distances himself from MadBagins and denies the buttsex ever happened.

Alicia reveals that she's also been having sex with Thames and the ex-husband from last season.

Alicia is pregnant, and has also booked everyone as guests on the Maury Povich show. The season finale ends in a cliff hanger, with Maury about to reveal the identity of the father.

 

[SilentP]

Dammit, Kommander, where are the spoiler tags?

 

[Robert Maxwell]

I found some spoilers for the rest of the season:

MadBaggins goes back to work at the bakery with Thames.

After carrying several bags of flower or whatever heavy shit people carry around at bakeries, Thames, due to the summer heat and the constantly running ovens, feels over-heated. He takes off his shirt and dumps a bottle of water over his head. MadBaggins, after watching beads of water roll over Thames's ebony skin and perfect abs, he can't resist and throws himself at Thames.

Thames is shocked and a little disgusted, and for the next week or so an awkward silence fills their days at work.

Thames eventually confesses he's also in love with MadBaggins, but things are going well with the girl he's seeing, and his family wouldn't understand, so he wants to keep things between them a secret.

A few days of secret buttsex sessions and almost getting caught.

Alicia finds out and blackmails MadBaggins: either he starts having sex with her again or she tells everyone about the buttsex. MadBaggins goes along with it to protect Thames.

Alicia tells everyone anyway, and Thames distances himself from MadBagins and denies the buttsex ever happened.

Alicia reveals that she's also been having sex with Thames and the ex-husband from last season.

Alicia is pregnant, and has also booked everyone as guests on the Maury Povich show. The season finale ends in a cliff hanger, with Maury about to reveal the identity of the father.

So what you're saying is, there won't be any underage lesbian sex this season.

 

[Squiggy]

That is some bullshit!

 

[Australis]

Meh, you know what it's like with spoilers - everyone thinks this or that is gonna happen, and they've seen photos from the set, yada yada... and then it turns out to be something else entirely. I wouldn't sweat it.

 

[Scout101]

episode release is pretty sporatic this season, going to start losing viewers if he doesn't step up the action a bit...

 

[Kommander]

Dammit, Kommander, where are the spoiler tags?

Spoiler tags are for pussies and people who aren't assholes.

 

[sidious618]

episode release is pretty sporatic this season, going to start losing viewers if he doesn't step up the action a bit...

Yeah, we need another update and quick.

 

[DonIago]

I'll have to TiVO it, there's way too many commercials right now.

 

[MadBaggins]

Well, I told Thames I'm NOT going back to work on the bakery with him. He looked hurt (we were talking by webcam) and I felt ashamed so I stepped away from the computer. Then I could hear him asking where I'd went. I shouted "there's someone in the backyard!" then managed to sneak up and turn the camera off. He'll probably just forget about my strange behaviour the next time Chunky shakes her crotch in his direction anyway. I'm done with him. Even if I WAS gay (I'm not) I could do better. It's just the trip, it was just the van, the closeness, the freedom. THAT'S ALL.

So I emailed long distance girl last night, finally. She was a really nice girl. It was the best thing to do to move on from the Thamester (a stupid name he made people call him five years ago, then forgot about.) The only problem is that when I met her I had told her I was a professional wrestler.

It was only a little white lie. I DID train to be a wrestler a while ago, as Squiggy and Trekker will remember (and possibly Scott.) I was quit good at it too. I had to quit for various reasons. But I could go back anytime! So really it wasn't all that bad.

The problem is that she mailed me back today and said she'd been reading about wrestling on wikipedia and had heard a lot of wrestlers die young and it's dangerous. I tried to reassure her by telling her I "know how to fall" and that I don't eat any drugs like other wrestlers or inject steroids up my asshole (seriously, that's how they take them, I saw a documentary) to make myself big. I told her the company I work for is more about comedy. She mailed back again asking what my character is.

For some reason I quickly wrote an email saying my name is "Mad Baggins" (I couldn't think of anything else!) and my wrestling gimmick is that I'm a hobbit, even though I'm fully grown, so I must have drunk Ent-draught to make myself big. I added that Ent-draught could be used as an allegory for drug-taking in wrestling and that this was ironic as Tolkien didn't like allegory. This was probably a more complex backstory than most wrestling characters really have.

She replied with more pics of herself. She's so hot. She's quite short but her ass is really nice. I can't believe I almost thought about going gay. I mean, I can see how men can be sexually attractive and I sometimes get erections thinking about them, but they can't compare to girls.

I don't think I'll speak to Thames again for a long time. I'll look for a job next week, there's no hurry. Mom's just glad to have me home, I think.

Has anyone here ever been in a long distance relationship?

 

[Canadave]

This latest episode smacks of studio interference. They're obviously scared of going down the gay relationship plot line.

 

[Squiggy]

Well, I told Thames I'm NOT going back to work on the bakery with him.

Good thing you don't need a job or this would've been a momumentally stupid move.

He looked hurt (we were talking by webcam)

Who the fuck does this? Don't you live blocks away?

and I felt ashamed so I stepped away from the computer.

Natually. It would be so hard to say...move the webcam.

Then I could hear him asking where I'd went. I shouted "there's someone in the backyard!" then managed to sneak up and turn the camera off.

Totally mature move. Way to be an adult.

He'll probably just forget about my strange behaviour the next time Chunky shakes her crotch in his direction anyway.

You've grown. Your perceptions of women have grown as well. I like this.

I'm done with him.

What?! God dammit. That was the whole point of the season. The suits at the network are going to get quite the protest. TO THE ONLINE PETITIONS!

Even if I WAS gay (I'm not)

The term you're looking for is bisexual. I'll explain better.

I could do better.

Why? Do you have your eye on an uncle?

It's just the trip, it was just the van, the closeness, the freedom.

The passion!

THAT'S ALL.

And the erections.

So I emailed long distance girl last night, finally. She was a really nice girl. It was the best thing to do to move on from the Thamester (a stupid name he made people call him five years ago, then forgot about.)

Then it makes sense to bring it up now, to people he doesn't know and quite frankly don't care about. We'll remember this mid-season for the "extra special episode".

The only problem is that when I met her I had told her I was a professional wrestler.

Logically. When I meet people I tell them I'm a 53 year old smoking chimpanzee. This has served me well.

It was only a little white lie.

I don't think this word means what you think it means.

I DID train to be a wrestler a while ago,

Ah. See. "Professional" and "trained for a couple of days" don't mean the same thing.

as Squiggy and Trekker will remember (and possibly Scott.)

Woo! A shoutout!

I was quit good at it too. I had to quit for various reasons.

Like breaking your leg. This would negate the "good at it."

But I could go back anytime! So really it wasn't all that bad.

Except when you broke your leg. Oh, and that one time you knocked out your mental cousin.

The problem is that she mailed me back today and said she'd been reading about wrestling on wikipedia

Ah! A scholar. Well played. She's a keeper.

and had heard a lot of wrestlers die young and it's dangerous.

What with all the dying and killing of your family and suicide and leg breaking and assaults and what not.

I tried to reassure her by telling her I "know how to fall"

"Fail". The word is "fail".

and that I don't eat any drugs

like other wrestlers or inject steroids up my asshole (seriously, that's how they take them, I saw a documentary)

I don't think "Butt Fuckers 32" counts as a documentary.

to make myself big.

Christ. The reads like a Pakled wrote it.

I told her the company I work for is more about comedy. She mailed back again asking what my character is.

Wait for it!

For some reason I quickly wrote an email saying my name is "Mad Baggins" (I couldn't think of anything else!) and my wrestling gimmick is that I'm a hobbit, even though I'm fully grown, so I must have drunk Ent-draught to make myself big. I added that Ent-draught could be used as an allegory for drug-taking in wrestling and that this was ironic as Tolkien didn't like allegory. This was probably a more complex backstory than most wrestling characters really have.

This is the dumbest thing I've ever read.

She replied with more pics of herself.

I bet she's so hot.

She's so hot.

Shocker. Because only hot girls meet random guys who walk with a limp (because they didn't let their broken leg heal properly (back-story)) who claim to be "professional wrestlers" and hang out in a van all day with their oily and well toned friend.

She's quite short but her ass is really nice. I can't believe I almost thought about going gay.

Bisexual.

I mean, I can see how men can be sexually attractive and I sometimes get erections thinking about them, but they can't compare to girls.

And this is why you're bisexual.

I don't think I'll speak to Thames again for a long time.

I give it a week. Which is 4 months in Bagginstime.

I'll look for a job next week, there's no hurry. Mom's just glad to have me home, I think.

Wait...I thought you hated your mom.

Has anyone here ever been in a long distance relationship?

Fuck. Now this is where the season is going? I feel used.

 

[archeryguy1701]

Well, I told Thames I'm NOT going back to work on the bakery with him.

What the hell?!? We told you not to go back to the backery! Why aren't you going back?!? Who are you and what have you done with MadBaggins?

It was the best thing to do to move on from the Thamester (a stupid name he made people call him five years ago, then forgot about.)

So.... you were all sorts of upset when we discovered that cousin's name was actually Alicia, but now you reveal that Thames really has been Thames the whole time?

It was only a little white lie. I DID train to be a wrestler a while ago, as Squiggy and Trekker will remember (and possibly Scott.) I was quit good at it too.

I don't think getting the crap beaten out of yourself, pissing blood on people at the theater, and then Stone-cold-stunning Alicia into the coffee table really counts as being "quite good". In fact, I think that qualifies you for being disasterously bad.

I tried to reassure her by telling her I "know how to fall"

I think you disproved that last season.

... and that I don't eat any drugs like other wrestlers or inject steroids up my asshole (seriously, that's how they take them, I saw a documentary)

I think you need to pay closer attention to the documentary. As much as I'm sure the thought excites you, they don't get injected into you asshole. You can take a shot in the ass, but you don't accept the drugs in the backdoor. Or, at least you're not supposed to.
[quote I told her the company I work for is more about comedy.[/quote]
I thought all proffesional wrestling was just poorly done comedy and poorly done soap-opera?

She's quite short but her ass is really nice.

And now we get to the heart of the matter. Really not shocked at all considering that this was also the only reason you wanted to shag Batgirl.

I can't believe I almost thought about going gay.

Don't you remember last season? I think you already did.