As many of you may know, earlier this year I broke up with my girlfriend and really had to get away from my home town for a while. There was too much history there with my cousin, my aunt, my mom, the soap kitchen, my ex, her kids, her ex, that I won't go into here. Suffice it to say, I had to get away. So I went on a tripe around this great country (america) with my best friend Thames in his van.
It was amazing. The best experience of my life. I advice you ALL to do it. Just drop whatever you're doing and hit the road! You haven't lived until you do. You just don't know what's out there. You need a new perspective. I got that. I did a LOT of growing up on this journey. For it was not just a physical journey to the four corners of our country, it was a spiritual journey in many ways as well. I realized that I had made MANY mistakes in the past. That I had rushed into relationships, thought I had been in love when I wasn't. That I had been selfish. That I had treated people badly. One night I even woke up with tears in my eyes crying at the memoires of everything that had happened.
I can honestly say I am a better man now. Much better. I met so many people. There were girls, I'm not going to lie, but it wasn't like at home. I didn't get too serious, because I knew I'd be leaving town the next day probably. Thames isn't as good with the girls as me, but even he had a few. It was nice. But not as nice as my friendship with him. We have been friends for many years, but we got closer than ever before. He told me things, about his childhood, things I never knew or never would ahve thought to ask. I told him things too, things he knew about already because I'd told him before, but which he reached a new understand of.
One night in June there was a storm. We got lost. We drove off the road. Our van broke down. There was nothing for miles around. We couldn't go out, the storm was so fierce. We stayed in the van together, huddled for warmth. No, nothing sexual happened, we never would have thought of that. But I felt so close to him in that moment and I could tell he felt the same and we embarrassed.
Of course I coudln't stay on the road forever. I had to get home to see my mom again and look after her and get a job as the money ran out. Thames did too. I still see him a lot, but not every day like when we were living in that van.
And I miss him so much. I've never felt this way before. I feel more strongly for him than I did any of the girls I've dated. I couldn't believe it at first, I tried to ignore it, to repress, to scrounge it down into a little ball in my stomach and leave it there. BUT THE BALL FILLED MY STOMACH WITH AGONY!! I could not keep it down. I ached for him, phsyically. I yearned. Was it for his friendship? Or something more.
I'm so confused! Could it just be that I miss the van, the freedom? I would like to think so...but I keep thinking of him. I keep thinking of that night, of the storm raging...of how safe I felt lying with Thames in my arms. I think...I think I love him.
I have done mild sex things with guys before, but mainly just because they are easier to get into bed than girls. I like girls more, always have, I always fall in love with girls and masturbate over girls...but this is someting different.
There was one girl I met on our trip who stood out. I'm still in contact with her. I could have a long distance relationship, if I wanted one. I could have her and forget him. I'm tempted to. It would uncomplicate things.
What should I do?
It was amazing. The best experience of my life. I advice you ALL to do it. Just drop whatever you're doing and hit the road! You haven't lived until you do. You just don't know what's out there. You need a new perspective. I got that. I did a LOT of growing up on this journey. For it was not just a physical journey to the four corners of our country, it was a spiritual journey in many ways as well. I realized that I had made MANY mistakes in the past. That I had rushed into relationships, thought I had been in love when I wasn't. That I had been selfish. That I had treated people badly. One night I even woke up with tears in my eyes crying at the memoires of everything that had happened.
I can honestly say I am a better man now. Much better. I met so many people. There were girls, I'm not going to lie, but it wasn't like at home. I didn't get too serious, because I knew I'd be leaving town the next day probably. Thames isn't as good with the girls as me, but even he had a few. It was nice. But not as nice as my friendship with him. We have been friends for many years, but we got closer than ever before. He told me things, about his childhood, things I never knew or never would ahve thought to ask. I told him things too, things he knew about already because I'd told him before, but which he reached a new understand of.
One night in June there was a storm. We got lost. We drove off the road. Our van broke down. There was nothing for miles around. We couldn't go out, the storm was so fierce. We stayed in the van together, huddled for warmth. No, nothing sexual happened, we never would have thought of that. But I felt so close to him in that moment and I could tell he felt the same and we embarrassed.
Of course I coudln't stay on the road forever. I had to get home to see my mom again and look after her and get a job as the money ran out. Thames did too. I still see him a lot, but not every day like when we were living in that van.
And I miss him so much. I've never felt this way before. I feel more strongly for him than I did any of the girls I've dated. I couldn't believe it at first, I tried to ignore it, to repress, to scrounge it down into a little ball in my stomach and leave it there. BUT THE BALL FILLED MY STOMACH WITH AGONY!! I could not keep it down. I ached for him, phsyically. I yearned. Was it for his friendship? Or something more.
I'm so confused! Could it just be that I miss the van, the freedom? I would like to think so...but I keep thinking of him. I keep thinking of that night, of the storm raging...of how safe I felt lying with Thames in my arms. I think...I think I love him.
I have done mild sex things with guys before, but mainly just because they are easier to get into bed than girls. I like girls more, always have, I always fall in love with girls and masturbate over girls...but this is someting different.
There was one girl I met on our trip who stood out. I'm still in contact with her. I could have a long distance relationship, if I wanted one. I could have her and forget him. I'm tempted to. It would uncomplicate things.
What should I do?
