I graduated! No longer seeing a shrink!

[propita]

After first year of law school, a professor recommended I "talk with someone," that my anxiety levels were way out of range. She suggested her shrink. He diagnosed dysthymia (low-grade chronic depression)--and that a newurochemical imbalance was preventing me from retaining any self-confidence.

Long story-short: not enough of the chemical to build a pathway of postive thoughts, but negative ones went straight to permanent storage under "survival." So while I could attain some self-confidence, I couldn't retain any. The meds were to allow the building of the pathway--I had to build it and learn to use it. After 40 years of failing to do so.

So, I've been working on that for 3 years, finishing law school, TOTALLY freaking about the Bar, and other health issues popped up (hypothyroid and cardiac problems). So I'm convinced I'll fail the Bar before I take it (as I always feel due to no self-confidence), take the Bar anyway, feel good during it and after it and actually build self-confidence--and then FAIL the damn Bar!

The shrink had me reduce dosage before my finding out I failed, but I retained my self-confidence even after finding out. I won the 40 year war and lost (for now) the 4 year battle. Screw the battle--if my health doesn't improve for long term, I won't be retaking the damn Bar anyway.

So now, I'm off the meds for that at least, AND I have self-confidence of some amount for the first time in my life!

My friends are concerned I'll be totally bummed for not having passed. I don't like it, it's a bummer, but honestly, right now? I DON'T CARE!! I'm happy about winning the war.

Geez, I'm rambling. I don't care about that either. It feels good to feel good about myself and not tear myself down.

 

[ancientone51]

Huzzah!!!!!!!!!!!! (of joy)

You rock girl!!!!

Hope the health improves and that you decide to retake the bar and nail it big time!!!!!!

 

[kimc]

Congratulations and don't worry about the bar. Rumor has it many folks need to take it multiple times before passing.

 

[Clamp]

Congratulations and don't worry about the bar. Rumor has it many folks need to take it multiple times before passing.

I speak from experience.

It's sooo hard to pass a bar.

*hic*

 

[propita]

Congratulations and don't worry about the bar. Rumor has it many folks need to take it multiple times before passing.

I speak from experience.

It's sooo hard to pass a bar.

*hic*

*hee hee hee hee*

Funny thing? This is the first time in my life I've ever really failed at something. So of course I saved it all up for a really BIG fail.

I never do things by halves.

 

[The Boy Who Cried Worf]

Congratulations and don't worry about the bar. Rumor has it many folks need to take it multiple times before passing.

I speak from experience.

It's sooo hard to pass a bar.

*hic*

*hee hee hee hee*

Funny thing? This is the first time in my life I've ever really failed at something. So of course I saved it all up for a really BIG fail.

I never do things by halves.

Well that is just proof that all your former lack of self-confidence was just negative thinking.

That's great propita! Take one thing at a time. You've beaten this and now it is on to other things. You'll beat all of them too.

 

[Captain Ice]

Congratulations and don't worry about the bar. Rumor has it many folks need to take it multiple times before passing.

I speak from experience.

It's sooo hard to pass a bar.

*hic*

*hee hee hee hee*

Funny thing? This is the first time in my life I've ever really failed at something. So of course I saved it all up for a really BIG fail.

I never do things by halves.

Just remember also that failure every once in a while is ok. It just means that you're trying to push your limits and have successfully discovered one.

As kimc says, it's common for a lawyer to have taken the bar more than once. Next time you won't be so anxious (you know what taking the test is like) and you may be better prepared for the test itself.

 

[The Boy Who Cried Worf]

About that failing the bar thing I hope this puts an end to any doubts you have about yourself.

http://www.abovethelaw.com/2007/07/the_bar_exam_a_list_of_famous_1.php

 

[propita]

Thanks, all!

I may not be an attorney, but as an intern at the County courthouse, I've done things my classmates have not done. While my classmates, now attorneys, are petitioning for minor's compromises and filing for default judgments, I get to make recommendations to judges on whether or not those petitions should be granted or denied. Believe me, I realize these cases are peoples' lives.

And I learn things...like, burial costs of a parent do NOT come out of the settlement to the surviving minor child. Yeah, sad case. Unfortunately, I've seen some sadder.

 

[RJDiogenes]

^^ Yeah, I've seen some sad things in my work, too. You just have to do your best to help people.

Congratulations on feeling better about yourself. I'm very happy for you. And you will someday retake the Bar and pass.

 

[Yeoman Randi]

Congratulations Propita! To quote someone "The hardest thing in this world is to live in it" and it sounds to me like you are really doing a great job of it! I don't know you, but i am really really happy for you!