I'm going to be asking for a little advice here so if you're not interested in that this isn't really the thread for you. 
Since most of you don't really know me I thought it would be good to get an outsider's perspective.
To put things in context I'm a 19 year old college student and I'm in my second year. I live at home with my sister and parents.
My dad lost his job very suddenly and very dramatically about a year ago. It was a major blow because the company essentially kicked him in the nuts after he worked there for 22 years. He gave his life during those years. A few months later he found another job but was laid off seven weeks after because the new company posted a half a billion dollar loss (I think that was the number but it doesn't really matter).
As you can probably guess it has been impossible for him to find a job since. He knows that the next few months will probably be the toughest and wants to take on a smaller job, like driving a bus or something, in the mean time.
So it's been about nine months since he lost he last job. I'm not going to lie, I feel like I've been the emotional core of the family for those months. My father is doing the best he can but he's carrying around a lot of guilt. I try to cheer him up the best I can; I take him to the movies, to our favorite coffee shop, I suggest some DVDs we can watch together. It all helps and it wasn't bad but at this point I feel as if I'm forced to do keep everyone's spirits up as no one else is doing it.
My mother has emotionally checked out. She got a job as a secretary recently (not due to our situation, she just wanted a job) but otherwise is pretty much inaccessible. I can't talk to her about the home situation because she gets all upset and makes me feel guilty. I end up trying to reassure her. So now I try to be as nice and comforting as possible around her at all times.
My sister is a pissy 14 year old who spends most of her time either with her friends or texting them.
All in all I try to be upbeat. I cook, I suggest cheap alternative meals, I shop and I often act as a counselor for whoever needs it. My only outlet is a therapist that I see once a week for intense depression, anxiety attacks and things like that. It's a bad situation when the person who, a year ago, was the most visibly fucked up soul in the house is now the emotional core of the family.
The breaking point for me came yesterday. My mother was doing the taxes and they were high. My dad said that they may not be as high as she thinks if we take something else into consideration (I'm not sure what it was). My mother fraking split. She went up to her room crying and my dad followed her up. She started screaming at him about how it was all his fault, how everything the happened was his fault and how we're all fucked. It went on for a while with my dad just trying to calm her down.
I wanted to leave but I couldn't as my sister was in the house, in her room, listening to music. I don't think she heard any of it but if she did I felt I needed to be there in case she got scared.
Now, I figured my mom just needed to let off steam but throwing that stuff at my dad and making him feel more guilty was a horrible way to do it. Nevertheless I knew she'd come around. Except, as the day went on, she didn't. She stayed up in her room and barked at my dad when he went to check on her. This morning she was just as irritable and hasn't said a word to me.
After all I've done, to see it come apart like this is horrible. I feel like just backing out and keeping to myself for now on until my dad finds another job. I figure when I'm home I can stay in my room and just go out more often. I thought I was keeping the family together but only after yesterday did I realize not only that it was pointless but that it was also killing me.
I'm not sure where to go from here. Has anyone gone through/is going through something similar? I'll take all suggestions.
Thanks for reading,
Don
Since most of you don't really know me I thought it would be good to get an outsider's perspective.To put things in context I'm a 19 year old college student and I'm in my second year. I live at home with my sister and parents.
My dad lost his job very suddenly and very dramatically about a year ago. It was a major blow because the company essentially kicked him in the nuts after he worked there for 22 years. He gave his life during those years. A few months later he found another job but was laid off seven weeks after because the new company posted a half a billion dollar loss (I think that was the number but it doesn't really matter).
As you can probably guess it has been impossible for him to find a job since. He knows that the next few months will probably be the toughest and wants to take on a smaller job, like driving a bus or something, in the mean time.
So it's been about nine months since he lost he last job. I'm not going to lie, I feel like I've been the emotional core of the family for those months. My father is doing the best he can but he's carrying around a lot of guilt. I try to cheer him up the best I can; I take him to the movies, to our favorite coffee shop, I suggest some DVDs we can watch together. It all helps and it wasn't bad but at this point I feel as if I'm forced to do keep everyone's spirits up as no one else is doing it.
My mother has emotionally checked out. She got a job as a secretary recently (not due to our situation, she just wanted a job) but otherwise is pretty much inaccessible. I can't talk to her about the home situation because she gets all upset and makes me feel guilty. I end up trying to reassure her. So now I try to be as nice and comforting as possible around her at all times.
My sister is a pissy 14 year old who spends most of her time either with her friends or texting them.
All in all I try to be upbeat. I cook, I suggest cheap alternative meals, I shop and I often act as a counselor for whoever needs it. My only outlet is a therapist that I see once a week for intense depression, anxiety attacks and things like that. It's a bad situation when the person who, a year ago, was the most visibly fucked up soul in the house is now the emotional core of the family.
The breaking point for me came yesterday. My mother was doing the taxes and they were high. My dad said that they may not be as high as she thinks if we take something else into consideration (I'm not sure what it was). My mother fraking split. She went up to her room crying and my dad followed her up. She started screaming at him about how it was all his fault, how everything the happened was his fault and how we're all fucked. It went on for a while with my dad just trying to calm her down.
I wanted to leave but I couldn't as my sister was in the house, in her room, listening to music. I don't think she heard any of it but if she did I felt I needed to be there in case she got scared.
Now, I figured my mom just needed to let off steam but throwing that stuff at my dad and making him feel more guilty was a horrible way to do it. Nevertheless I knew she'd come around. Except, as the day went on, she didn't. She stayed up in her room and barked at my dad when he went to check on her. This morning she was just as irritable and hasn't said a word to me.
After all I've done, to see it come apart like this is horrible. I feel like just backing out and keeping to myself for now on until my dad finds another job. I figure when I'm home I can stay in my room and just go out more often. I thought I was keeping the family together but only after yesterday did I realize not only that it was pointless but that it was also killing me.
I'm not sure where to go from here. Has anyone gone through/is going through something similar? I'll take all suggestions.
Thanks for reading,
Don
