I Enjoy Reveling In Other People's Loneliness...

[NickInABox]

So, to branch off from my break-up thread...

Since I've been single, I've noticed that I've completely started ignoring and avoiding friends of mine who are in relationships, and gravitating towards other singles.
What can I explain this as? Is this a biological prerogative for sex? Or is it that I enjoy reveling in other people's loneliness to help me escape from my own self-pity?

Oh, and when one of my single friends is like 'Oh, I met a guy', I get all defensive and then go all quiet.
The hell is wrong with me? I should be happy about being single, not upset about it.

Also, if you're lonely and you know it, clap your hands.

 

[RoJoHen]

You should be happy for your friends for finding partners, and you should be comfortable with yourself whatever your relationship status is.

That said, I used to act the exact same way.

For me, at least, I was just tired of ALWAYS being single. My friends would go in and out of relationships, but my marital status would never change. At one point I was renting a house with 5 other guys (my best friends), and I was the only roommate who didn't have a girlfriend. It was really lonely sometimes.

 

[ThankQ]

I can't say how you should feel, but I am happy about being single.

I would say there's nothing unusual about a singleton being more comfortable in the company of fellow singletons.

Just to give you a story, and I'm hopeful it helps you feel better, a few years ago I had a part time job as a clerk in a sporting goods store. Well, one day, this chick I knew from my church days came in...with her husband (I suppose I should point out w were both around 30 at the time, and hadn't seen each other in at least 13 years). Well, she was there with her husband, the child he was carrying, the child she was carrying and the two children that were circling them in some loose, eccentric orbit. All the children, were, of course, making noise of some kind. Loud noise. Anyway, we do the usual "How are you? That's great!" stuff, so she asks me, "So how many kids?" None. "Oh, are you married?" Nah, not married. Then, this chick exploding with child noise tells me, in all seriousness from her part, "Awh, don't worry, You're cute, you'll meet someone and have some kids real soon."

Do I need to go on?

 

[Robert Maxwell]

I've always gotten kind of annoyed when my friends find partners. That is, when they find them. If they are already with someone, or married, or whatever, it's usually not a big deal.

The problem is, when somebody starts a relationship, they sink a lot of time into it. It's often at the expense of their existing friends. In a lot of relationships, the new girlfriend (or boyfriend, whatever) demands a lot of time and attention, and gets jealous when the other person wants to spend time with friends. This results in the perception that your friend doesn't have time for you anymore.

It's especially annoying when you already had plans and commitments with that person, and they just flake out because they're getting some tail again.

 

[JonathonWally]

It's especially annoying when you already had plans and commitments with that person, and they just flake out because they're getting some tail again.

I don't like that either, I lose respect for the people who do that as well, and I never do that. A special circumstance out of nowhere, sure. But not just casually.

 

[Robert Maxwell]

It's especially annoying when you already had plans and commitments with that person, and they just flake out because they're getting some tail again.

I don't like that either, I lose respect for the people who do that as well, and I never do that. A special circumstance out of nowhere, sure. But not just casually.

Yup. Whenever I have a girlfriend coming around, I always tell them, "I had a life before you came around, and it doesn't stop just because you're here now." Girlfriends come and go, but a good friend can last a lifetime. It's stupid to toss that away. Anyone who doesn't understand that is not someone I want to get close to anyway.

 

[JonathonWally]

It's especially annoying when you already had plans and commitments with that person, and they just flake out because they're getting some tail again.

I don't like that either, I lose respect for the people who do that as well, and I never do that. A special circumstance out of nowhere, sure. But not just casually.

Yup. Whenever I have a girlfriend coming around, I always tell them, "I had a life before you came around, and it doesn't stop just because you're here now." Girlfriends come and go, but a good friend can last a lifetime. It's stupid to toss that away. Anyone who doesn't understand that is not someone I want to get close to anyway.

"Look woman, you can't stop the bro-mance."

 

[Robert Maxwell]

I don't like that either, I lose respect for the people who do that as well, and I never do that. A special circumstance out of nowhere, sure. But not just casually.

Yup. Whenever I have a girlfriend coming around, I always tell them, "I had a life before you came around, and it doesn't stop just because you're here now." Girlfriends come and go, but a good friend can last a lifetime. It's stupid to toss that away. Anyone who doesn't understand that is not someone I want to get close to anyway.

"Look woman, you can't stop the bro-mance."

+1

 

[Danoz]

It's especially annoying when you already had plans and commitments with that person, and they just flake out because they're getting some tail again.

I don't like that either, I lose respect for the people who do that as well, and I never do that. A special circumstance out of nowhere, sure. But not just casually.

Eh, I'll give anybody the benefit of the doubt when they're in that "honeymoon" phase of a new relationship and they'd rather be going crazy on each other. The only thing I get upset about is when a friend will never bring that girl around or the girl is clingy in weird in social situations. Nothing worse than seeing a person "change" just because they happen to be with the person they are dating.

 

[Robert Maxwell]

It's especially annoying when you already had plans and commitments with that person, and they just flake out because they're getting some tail again.

I don't like that either, I lose respect for the people who do that as well, and I never do that. A special circumstance out of nowhere, sure. But not just casually.

Eh, I'll give anybody the benefit of the doubt when they're in that "honeymoon" phase of a new relationship and they'd rather be going crazy on each other. The only thing I get upset about is when a friend will never bring that girl around or the girl is clingy in weird in social situations. Nothing worse than seeing a person "change" just because they happen to be with the person they are dating.

Sure, I can cut them some slack for the "honeymoon," but when it's going on for months and you never see them because they're spending all their time with the new girlfriend, I get fed up.

 

[Lindley]

I get annoyed when TV characters get involved, much less friends.

 

[Tom Riley]

So, to branch off from my break-up thread...

Since I've been single, I've noticed that I've completely started ignoring and avoiding friends of mine who are in relationships, and gravitating towards other singles.
What can I explain this as? Is this a biological prerogative for sex? Or is it that I enjoy reveling in other people's loneliness to help me escape from my own self-pity?

Oh, and when one of my single friends is like 'Oh, I met a guy', I get all defensive and then go all quiet.
The hell is wrong with me? I should be happy about being single, not upset about it.

Also, if you're lonely and you know it, clap your hands.

I can't say I've ever done that before, but whenever my other guy friends who have girlfriends talk about their girlfriends... I would listen all while cursing them up a storm inside my head. My girl friends that have boyfriends? I don't mind talking about their guys at all, unless it's a guy I'm interested in, which happens very rarely. It's almost as if all the other guys in my life can't have significant others, but the girls can. I have no idea why this is, but I think a part of it might have something to do with the fact that the girls never date within our circle of friends so the guys they are with are never guys I know... But, idk.

Oh, and *claps hands*

 

[tomalak301]

It's especially annoying when you already had plans and commitments with that person, and they just flake out because they're getting some tail again.

I don't like that either, I lose respect for the people who do that as well, and I never do that. A special circumstance out of nowhere, sure. But not just casually.

Yup. Whenever I have a girlfriend coming around, I always tell them, "I had a life before you came around, and it doesn't stop just because you're here now." Girlfriends come and go, but a good friend can last a lifetime. It's stupid to toss that away. Anyone who doesn't understand that is not someone I want to get close to anyway.

Just out of curiosity, what was their response?

I'm still single, and loving the independence (Even though I need more friends) but I know some people who when they started a relationship, it was like that became the most important thing and their other friends never existed. Made me wonder how genuine that friendship was.

 

[Robert Maxwell]

I don't like that either, I lose respect for the people who do that as well, and I never do that. A special circumstance out of nowhere, sure. But not just casually.

Yup. Whenever I have a girlfriend coming around, I always tell them, "I had a life before you came around, and it doesn't stop just because you're here now." Girlfriends come and go, but a good friend can last a lifetime. It's stupid to toss that away. Anyone who doesn't understand that is not someone I want to get close to anyway.

Just out of curiosity, what was their response?

I'm still single, and loving the independence (Even though I need more friends) but I know some people who when they started a relationship, it was like that became the most important thing and their other friends never existed. Made me wonder how genuine that friendship was.

Well, my wife understands and doesn't interfere, though it would be hard to since we live far apart at the moment. But whenever I am early into a relationship I will mention it, and it usually passes by without much argument. They often feel the same way.

 

[sidious618]

It's especially annoying when you already had plans and commitments with that person, and they just flake out because they're getting some tail again.

I don't like that either, I lose respect for the people who do that as well, and I never do that. A special circumstance out of nowhere, sure. But not just casually.

What about flaking out for newly released porn? Surely you'd understand that!

 

[NickInABox]

I get annoyed when TV characters get involved, much less friends.

If neither of us are married in 10 years... Let's do it.

 

[Emher]

*Clap clap*

I'm mostly just dealing with it. Two of my best friends have relatively new relationships. And a guy I'm friends with but not spending a lot of time with, have a girlfriend since a while back. While the latter matters is because it's a guy way geekier then me, who somehow managed it still, which admittedly has be rattled.

But back to the main point. One of the close friends is a guy ten years older then me that I've known for a quite a while, who's now together with a girl two year my junior. And I'm okay with that, haven't met her but she seems to make him happy and we still hang out regularly.

The other close a friend is a girl I got to know a year ago and we quickly became very close and have been that for quite a while. Really until she met her new guy this past summer. She's been spending a lot of time with him and been at his home in a city a bit away. And I don't know how to deal with this. We're still friends, and neither has any desire to stop the friendship, but I feel myself...torn between being happy and feeling left out. She's had a rough time with bad boyfriends in the past and this guy is really great for her, so it's not a matter of being an ass. It's just that I don't feel like I have near the same place I used to have in her life. And there's also the level that, yes, I am a bit jealous she's in a happy relationship and I'm single. Even though I'd never ever show that or say it.