How would you have written Kim

[JirinPanthosa]

I just got through 'The Disease', and when Kim finally confronted Janeway but only to say 'YOU CAN'T STOP LOVE', I was pissed.

Here's the speech I would have made.

Captain, the Starfleet I joined was one where I'd have the freedom to lead my own personal life, I'd meet a lot of different people who I'd have the chance to know longer than a few days, and I'd have an opportunity for promotion and advancement. I could also leave whenever I wanted to, if I found out Starfleet wasn't for me. Seventy years of no prospects for anyone I can get close to, no freedom to do anything except exactly what I'm doing now, it's starting to feel less like a career and more like forced labor. I accept my fate without complaining, but I'm going to take any chance I can get to feel something, and if you want to throw me in the brig for that I don't even care anymore.

I wish they weren't so afraid to let their characters feel the strain of isolation, because it just seems so obvious to have Kim evolve in the direction to feel restrained and frustrated by his situation, and start evolving toward where Paris was at the beginning, at least for a while.

 

[TEACAKE'S PLEATHER DOME]

I absolutely hate Kim's speech, every time I hear it I am mortified. Janeway should have drowned him for it. He sounds like an idiotic youth and I can't believe he's talking to the captain like that.

I always picture her placating him and then once she's out of the room sucking in her breath and making mental notes of what she's gonna add to his file.

 

[Guy Gardener]

But Janeway was right.

Kim was a fool being used as a tool.

No, sorry, I mean Kim was a tool being used as a fool.

Diplomacy and medical science banned his illicit love affair with a duplicitous disease ridden terrorist.

What's worse?

Space Herpes or Space terrorism?

There was a health warning not to sleep with those people which the Doctor had not found reason as yet to contradict.

Would you fuck your way through a leaper colony damn the consequences just because you had an amputation fetish to satisfy?

He's lucky he didn't shit out his brain after that creepy iridescent infectious muck swinging strand to strand across her pubis grappled onto his love spuds and raised a barn to disco in.

It was a fricking HEALTH WARNING!

All this lust in space episode proved is that Kim's sack will betray the ship if a girl tickles it, and Kim more so than anyone else on Voyager needs to have his future girlfriends accredited and their references double checked by someone who can think with the brain above their shoulders to make sure they're not just assholes but hopefully not murderous villains either.

 

[TEACAKE'S PLEATHER DOME]

[yt]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bpnp_SX1olA[/yt]

Here is the original, in the first two minutes.

This is the way it should have gone down:

Harry: Captain you know the ratio of men to women in this crew.. short of lots of blokes dying in a horrible accident I've done the math and I know my chances here are next to nothing of getting any for the next 70 years. My ONLY HOPE lies outside this bunker that I'm trapped on.

:: sniffs loudly, wiping hand under nose ::

Janeway: Mr. Kim, I'm all for looking outside bunkers and I suggest you step outside your bunker of heterosexuality. You may find your luck improves greatly.

:: Janeway leans forward and places her hand comfortingly on Harry's arm ::

Janeway: Just between you and me Ensign I speak from experience.


That's all it takes. They don't even have to show us anything, just a little update from Harry some episodes hence where he thanks her for her advice just before exiting the turbolift.

 

[Guy Gardener]

Everyone on the ship, including Kim is already bisexual if Berman didn't completely murder Roddenberry's dream.

 

[TEACAKE'S PLEATHER DOME]

The only use of that dream is to drag it out when the occasional oh noes Not in My Star Trek person shows up. It's like parts of the bible that only exist to debunk folk. Otherwise everyone knows not a jot of credence was given to it when it came to Trek characters.

 

[Guy Gardener]

I'm watching Star trek 3.

What the hell is Sulu wearing?

At first I thought he was wearing a regular jacket on his shoulders like it was a little Lando cape, now from a new angle it looks like leather painters smock... And really, this was the guy with the wife and kids back home?

GOOD LORD!

Everyone on set knew that George was gay.

Did they give Sulu a family to barricade Takei's closet?

From my University days they preached about Sparta... "It's not that they liked sodomy more, it's just that they didn't see their wives as much since they were always off at war or forced to live in the barracks. They had to have children or every one laughed at them, but they had to have sex every night as well because TV hadn't been invented yet".

 

[TEACAKE'S PLEATHER DOME]

Also war is visceral and makes you want the good stuff all the time because you could die tomorrow.

If Voyager really had been NuBSG like some people wanted there would have been a lot more action. Then again the holodeck is the ultimate tv so perhaps not. I bet there were studies in medical journals about how the holodeck is wiping out people's (real) sex lives. Not just because of all the porn, but because of how time consuming that kind of recreation is.

O'Brien: Not tonight dear, I have the Alamo.

 

[lurok]

That's so weird you mentioned nuBSG. I was just going to say she should have airlocked him. The writers would have worked out a way to bring him back But I think DS9 has more shippy possibilities than Voyager.

 

[TEACAKE'S PLEATHER DOME]

DS9 has more characters than Voyager.. with lots of slashy possibilities written right in.

BUT.. J/7 is really the Goddess of all that.

 

[Guy Gardener]

Miles still had at least two children, and one of them while the wife was living on another planet... I say at least two because I'm assuming there was more to follow once they got settled down on earth.

The author of that shitty episode was too lazy to look up Mark's name which made it look like Kathryn had forgotten the name of "The man I was engaged to".

So it wasn't just glowing junk.

She also mind controlled him biochemically.

I wonder if they ever watched train-spotting on Movie night?

[Ewan McGreggor]The first thing we need is three buckets. One for vomitous, one for slops and one for urine.[/Ewan McGreggor]

If not for the reset button an episode the following week with Kim detoxing from her would have been hilarious.

Especially when he escapes, takes out the entire crew and tries to circle back and get some from his lover.

 

[TEACAKE'S PLEATHER DOME]

Keiko has a freezer of little O'Briens that she threatens to implant or not implant or implant only the most hysterical ones in order to get Miles to do her bidding. She has a projected holo-image of one frozen O'Brien's future face that looks oddly like Julian, this one she threatens to flush if Miles is uppity.

 

[Guy Gardener]

Keiko would really bring Julian and Miles baby to term?

I knew she was unendingling fabulous.

Although she does owe MIles one after fumbling Hoshi.

Have you been observing Ros on Don't trust the Bitch in Apartment #21?

Funny girl.

 

[TEACAKE'S PLEATHER DOME]

No I haven't though I should.. I was re-enjoying her Headmistress role on the O.C. last week, she is terrifying especially when acting sympathetic.

As to the Hoshi fumbling.. now there's a personal holoprogram confession.

 

[Guy Gardener]

They almost could have a drinking game predicated on how often crew drop stuff up or lose things in Kira's vagina.

 

[F. King Daniel]

KIM: What about Captain Kirk? He fucked half the galaxy!

JANEWAY: *blank face*

 

[JirinPanthosa]

I don't think Voyager should have been NuBSG but it should have had cabin fever undertones that caused it to go further outside the boundaries of proper Starfleet behavior. Kim should have been the one to lead the charge of frustration with the prospect of seventy years of inescapable submission to one person. Being on Voyager should have seemed just as constraining to people as being stuck on a generation ship but the writers never explored that theme except for a handful of individual Paris episodes.

How can you do easily label someone a terrorist who didn't kill anyone and succeeded in freeing herself from perpetual slavery?

 

[Guy Gardener]

KIM: What about Captain Kirk? He fucked half the galaxy!

JANEWAY: *blank face*

[yt]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WM4cKaX3dqc[/yt]

 

[T'Girl]

Captain, the Starfleet I joined was one where I'd have the freedom to lead my own personal life, I'd meet a lot of different people who I'd have the chance to know longer than a few days, and I'd have an opportunity for promotion and advancement. I could also leave whenever I wanted to, if I found out Starfleet wasn't for me.

Janeway:

"Mister Kim, I don't know what Starfleet you mistakenly thought you were joining, but what you just described bear no resemblance to the organization you in fact joined.

First off, where did you get the idea you could "leave whenever I wanted to?" You willingly entered into a service agreement prior to entering Starfleet Academy. Subsequent to your commission, you enter into to a certain number of years of service, and that term of service could be extended indefinably under certain limited circumstances, which our current situation meets. You were present in the briefing room when this matter was discussed and I can show you my log entry that invoked that clause in every member of this crew's agreements.

You knew ahead of time that service aboard a starship meant that your adorable "personal life" comes after the requirement of your duties.

This resent "adventure" on your part is proof that both Commander Chakotay and Lt. Commander Tuvok were correct in their evaluations of you, you're still not ready for promotion of any kind.

As far as advancement, I've place you on rotation for third watch bridge command officer, you want more? Earn it, get off your ass and cross train mister.

Dismissed."

:

 

[TEACAKE'S PLEATHER DOME]

Cross train?